Search Results: how to meet the right girl

I created a dating profile 3 weeks ago to get some confidence since I was going through an insecure time, wasn’t really looking for anyone. Some men messaged me, but one guy stood out. He gave off this “I come as is” vibe which struck a cord with me for some reason so I exchanged socials with him to remain contact and deleted the app. Time continues and we’re talking every day, and things are going great.

He disclosed that he had to join the army right out of high school since he had gotten his then-girlfriend pregnant and now has a baby girl. He just started working a full time job and plans to go to a community college to earn his degree whereas I’m in graduate school with no kids. I understood him and we continued to grow from there. Then, the other night, I told him to visit me (we live 2 hours away from each other, and I requested that we meet in the middle so drive isn’t too bad).

He disclosed he didn’t have a paycheck from his job yet but would only need about $40 for gas. I paid for his gas, food, and toy for his dog while we hanged out the following day. He then asked me what particular app we met on since he had over 5 that has been used for over a month. He stated that girls would talk for a couple of days then leave, but I never left so he deleted them all (or he claims). He had a very neutral decision on sex like “if you want it, sure. If not, it’s fine.” But we ended up having sex anyway because I was very smitten with him at that time.

I asked if we were together as boyfriend/girlfriend since the first date went great and he said he likes me but not ready for that yet since he wants to know me more (even though I told him I’m an open-book) and wants to go on more dates. I agreed since I didn’t really have a choice and now after a day has passed, he isn’t really talking to me much and doesn’t seem interested anymore like leaving me on read. I’m not sure what to do because I spent over $100 on the date and was hoping he’d help pay some of that back.

I was supposed to date this guy, but my mental health kept making me too nervous to meet and I had a lot of triggers around me etc so I'd always put it off.. I'd say maybe 3 times max. He then meets up with another girl he's been talking to alongside me and they get together, I'm talking to him here and there but nothing flirty at this point. We then talk most days and establish we're friends, he's happy and I'm dating. Fast forward a few months to this week. We've spoken everyday on video call for an hour each time, there's been a few moments where things have gotten inappropriate and semi flirty.. we messaged constantly through the day, he sends me videos etc and so I've stupidly caught feelings again. I've been honest and told him, told him I'm going to give him space to be happy with his girlfriend and he agrees this is the best idea but still wants to call once a week to check in etc. Justified how we spoke to each other as garage talk (we are both mechanics) but I told him it's different for me and makes me nervous and think about him inappropriately. He has only been with her maybe a month or 2 but that's not the point, and I can't keep sitting here thinking "that should have been me" but I really need a friend and have nobody now.. I don't know if I did the right thing.. maybe it was the right thing for them and not for me? I'll never be "that" girl though, so I guess it doesn't matter what's right for me if it's the right thing to do.