I have been in a relationship for 5 years, parents make my life feel like hell and play with my mental health, I want to go away with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hello ,
I have been in a relationship for 5 years. It's a long distance relationship but we are very serious since the beginning and I can even say we are soulmates. The person I am with is very responsible and hard working. I am a turkish girl living in Swizterland and he is from India. We have met twice. Once in Turkey (it was a disaster because of my parents) and once in India. How did all this happen:
When he came to Turkey it was our first year and he wanted to see me and meet my mother, we met but he couldn't see my mother because she made a huge drama and he had to go back, all his money was wasted. After he went back I did my last year of highschool, I studied very hard so I could move out of the city and be a little free. I finished high school and I chose pharmacy, it wasn't like I was super interested in it. But I chose it to be away and be free. In the first year of university I went to india for a week. Two days before to come back called my mother to make her see how serious we are and that she should explain to my father. They were both very mad and my dad blackmailed me with a gun. Lived the worst days of my life, thats why at this age I call myself mature, I seriously went through a lot. With all the stress and the difficulties of the field I was in, I failed the first year but managed to pass it when I repeated. I am now in the second year, I love to study but the university I am in is one of the hardest in the world and the program is so intense that somedays I don't find time to sleep.. I am in the second semester, Already have exams to repeat from the first semester in August, I am doing my best for the second semester but I am really getting depressed. I tell myself that instead of going through all this I should drop out and run away to my boyfriend, after all these years my parents do not accept and my boyfriend have been kind enough to wait all this time for me. I don't have the rights to fool him, I think I should take a step too. Should I?

[Malgaran]

There are sadly too many horrible parents and people out there and people in general. People like to throw around the word family like it's everything that matters in life and while sure, family can be important and helpful, they can also be equally destructive and harmful. Some people really don't want anything good for you, at all. I know in turkey they are big on family, but seriously if your family is short said, messed up, sometimes is better to just cut contact even.

I think you should listen to your inner voice, do what you think is best deep down, regardless of the consequences. Simply existing, isn't always enough. If this boyfriend is genuinely good to you , than a less successful and less financial fortunate life can be so much more worth living than one that's more successful, miserable and lonely. Healthy environment, can be so much more helpful anyway, in every aspect of your life

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your advice.
Yes in Turkey we are very attached to family, it's very good but the sad part is that they interfere in their children's life way too much. Even if you are 20 or 30 years old it's the same, no respect from them. You have to live what they have planned for you since birth. I only know a handful of people who lived the life they wanted, the rest did what mother and father told them to do. Sadly, I have been the same, all my life listened to them very carefully. But I fell in love, it doesn't mean I don't listen to them anymore, I have the same respect for them as before, the only difference is that I have a lover. But the thing is that, just because of the lover I have now it's like they forgot all the good things I have previously done in my life.
I now want to get up and do something good for myself. Maybe it will be good to go to my boyfriend and marry him. His financial condition is good so I am not worried about that, I believe we will have a very good life. Maybe it will take me time to adapt to the environment but the rest is fine

[Guy13]

The pains of love and the hormones of an ANON. Best in your endeavors

[Anonymous]

No, you should not. You need to prepare for your own future and get an education in case this relationship fails, and no matter what you think the probability it will fail is high. Then there you are, in India alone with no family and no education or real job. You’ve been together 5 years, but you’ve only actually met this guy 2 times. You know nothing about what it’s like actually living with this person. And even if you refuse to believe this relationship will fail, what if he dies? Again, you need to prepare for your future. You don’t do that by dropping out of school, ditch your family and run away to a different country, differenr continent even, to live with a dude you’ve met twice. If you don’t want to continue your studies then fair enough, drop out - but get into something different at least then. Study something else.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your advice.
We wanted to meet many more times but we couldn't due to the situation. I know him very well it has been 5 years, we talk everyday minimum 1 hour on the call and there are days we do it for hours. The reason why I want to marry him is exactly what you pointed out, I have met him only twice, it has been 5 years and now I want to do the marriage so I can be with him all the time. I value a lot education and that's why I am at this position today. But I am tired of putting education over my happiness. We live only one time, I would prefer to be happy.

[Carolus]

The big question, without imagination, were you accepted by his parents and family?

[Asker]

Yes they totally accept me, especially his mother, she is so supportive since the beginning, she is also one reason we came so far, she never discouraged us.
And In the beginning his father wasn't in favor but now since a long time even he says to my boyfriend like "it has been so long, when are you getting married". So they really fully accept and support us.

[msc545]

Are you living with your parents? If you are, you need to make plans to move out if you can, and go live with your boyfriend or just stay elsewhere. You cannot make good decisions with your parents abusing you.

[Waldoe]

YOU have a right to happiness... follow your heart

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice, yes very true. I have realized that we live once and if we don't enjoy we won't be able to bring back the lost days.