What should I do if my boyfriend of 2.5 years is asking me to give him half of the money for a PS5 for his 25th birthday?

[Nye221]

In 2020 I bought him about $75 worth of clothes for his bday but he was aware. I even had the gift expedited at the post office so he could receive it as close to his birthday as possible (we were long distance after lockdown). I was working at the time and wanted to do this for him to show that gifting is something I'd like in our relationship. No gift for VDay or my bday. In fall 2021, neither of us had jobs so no gifts were exchanged for his birthday or Christmas. VDay 2022, we had an argument and didn't really celebrate it how we should've but he got me some sweatpants. I got them the next day. (Found out recently that they're mens sweats that he had intended to wear himself but they didn't fit). I didn't get anything for my birthday but he spent it with me. Not too long ago he asked for a PS5 for his birthday (at least $500) because he wants to be loved enough by someone that they spoil him. Mind you he asked for this once I started a job making $42k a year. I never sasked him for big gifts because earlier on in our relationship he was kind of against the idea of materialstic value as measure of affection. Since then I only ever teased about him buying me a cupcake or something worth >$20. Especially since he didn't have a job. He spent what money he had on himself. My parents were also my source of money and since I had a car and he didn't have his license I was the one driving us around to school and getting food. I never asked him for gas money. We would mostly split the cost when we went out to eat. When he started a temporary summer job he covered me for 3 days straight (I appreciated it since I didn't expect it). During one of trips to the mall he offered to buy me a cute plushie I saw (around $35-$40) but I declined, mostly because I thought it was a little pricey. On our last day together in person, he surprised me with a heart eyed emoji plushie and offered to send me the money for the mall plushie if I still wanted it but I told him it was okay.

Updates

1 y

Note: I mentioned to him that I wanted to get him a thoughtful gift for his birthday and he expressed he'd appreciate it but he doesn't know what it is cause it's supposed to be a surprise (IT'S NOT A PS5)

[PrettyPriya]

You get him something that fits your budget. Just because he wants something doesn't mean he automatically gets it. He sounds incredibly immature. Sorry, that is the vibe I am getting from the detail about how he equates love to being spoiled.

I wouldn't do it if I were you. That is the wrong reason to feel loved or whatever rubbish he thinks it is. I have never been asked for a certain gift from a SO. They have always been appreciative that I did something nice for them.

That is the way a gift is supposed to work anyhow. It is supposed to be picked out by the giver (you) as a gesture that you were thinking about them.

I am always in favour of doing something special. It doesn't have to cost loads of money either. It is the thought that counts. I am sure you have heard that one before. I wouldn't give into his request because that just shows him if he begs enough, you will give in.

[PrettyPriya]

Ref update: I think that is exactly what you should do. It would be what I would do too. Something that you put thought into means so much more.

[Nye221]

Thanks! I really appreciate your thought out opinion.

[PrettyPriya]

@Nye221 Most welcome. I think you are doing the right thing by putting thought into the gift and getting something meaningful.

[Dinklex3]

Eh.

The way i read it, he sounds kind of manipulative and entitled.

I'd be turned off by that behavior tbh.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Things like this aren't worth worrying about, you were only more giving because you had the ability to be, and once he got a job, he started to give more (maybe not as much as you, but does his job pay $42k a year? Probably not).

People do what they can with the hand they are delt, then they try to do better when they can, but life is never going to be a situation where everything you give, you get back in equal amounts. Relationships aren't investments, they are family.

[TheSpaceGnome]

As to whether or not you should get him the ps5, thats up to you, but the biggest red flag is not that he's asking for one, it's that you don't want that ps5 just as much, so you can play together.

Do you have any shared hobbies? If not, thats going to crumble the relationship, because if you aren't alike in that way, you will see eachother as nothing but utilities, and thats a recipie for breaking up.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, he's being ridiculous and entitled, and I definitely don't think you should do it. If he'd always been amazing in how he had treated you, and sacrificed for you, and didn't ask for it, and you did it because you wanted to, that would be very different, but that's not what happened here.

[Nye221]

I appreciate you saying this. He's my first relationship but he has plenty of dating experience. Also I feel like if he's turning 25, he should be more concerned about getting his life together so we can have a more secure future rather than buying something he doesn't need/can't really afford. We both still live with our parents and are doing long distance.

[Avicenna]

If you feel it’s not appropriate, then tell him that and get him something else

[Nye221]

I've told him that when he asked for me to buy it in full, but it's not necessarily just about the money it's about everything up until now and how this gift seems to be a definite measure of how much real love I have for him when he never bothered to listen to me about small thoughtful gifts in the past

[Avicenna]

Tell him again then. Sometimes partners need to be told multiple times before they get it.

[bowenw]

Return what you got him for a refund and dump him.

[Nye221]

He's really not a bad guy I just think he's not being reasonable about this request given our circumstances. He's 2 years and 2 months older than me so I expect more from him and more mental maturity.

[bowenw]

You know him best and If this is out of character. If he's a keeper you may want to suggest that Santa may bring him what he wants.

[jamesgoldman]

Get him a game or a controller, if he's motivated he'll work out how to buy it, if not then I probably wouldn't keep him around

Done it to myself a few times

[Anonymous]

Maybe suggest he gets a Switch instead if he does not already have one? They are cheaper and he does not support Soyny.

[Nye221]

I don't think he'd play it, he's big on Playstation and the games/applications it offers (basketball, call of duty, minecraft, crunchyroll, Netflix)

[hyperben]

sounds like he is trying to convert his girlfriend into his mother...

[BJP21]

How much more spoiled does this guy need to be? At that age I was happy with, wine me, dine me, fuck me.

[Guy13]

Is his birthday today?

[Nye221]

December 15th

[Guy13]

He makes no sense... Something is going on behind the scenes. Any ideas?

[Nye221]

He mentioned something about hearing/seeing other girls buying gifts like this for their bfs and from his past relationships he never got the love he was looking for. He's been cheated on and used.

[Guy13]

Okay. Are you going to do it⁉️

[Nye221]

No, I had already planned on giving him something handmade and more thoughtful. I was going to draw and color a big picture of us at the beach (because I can't make a copy of the original picture) but now I'm not so sure if that'll even make him as happy as I was hoping.

[Guy13]

Damn you are sweet. He not very smart and STOP with the past relationship crying. Dude grow up and man-up...15 year old acting !!!