I love my boyfriend (who’s 20 years older than me) but can’t stand his relationship with his daughters. What can I do?

[Adrianne90]

I’ve been in an age gap relationship for 5 years now. He’s 20 years older than me and our relationship is great for the most part except for the fact that I can’t stand his relationship with his two daughters. They are 23 and 18 y/o and they’re very close to their father. Fortunately, they live in another state so I only have to see them a few times every year. The reason why I don’t like them is because honestly to me they’re just a couple of slob brats. When they come to visit they leave the room where they stayed like a crazy mess and he has to clean after them. The 23y/o has not worked a day in her life! Her dad gives her everything. Yes, she’s soon to graduate from college but the fact that she has made no effort in getting a job up to this point and it’s ok with depending financially on her father blows my mind. Also he still treats them like small children when it comes to birthdays and Christmas, making sure he showers them with presents. All of this makes me think of my upbringing and how I have been financially independent and have not received any money from my parents since I was 21 and how unfair I think it is that he’s still spending so much of his money on them (because besides paying for child support he also buys everything else that they need or want ). When I talk about this with him he says that his parenting or how much he spends in them is not my territory. From what I gather, he apparently feels guilty for the divorce and “abandoning” them to a not so good mother but still how much longer is he going to feel sorry for them?… Anyway, at the end of the day I don’t think he understands how his behavior and parenting style is making me feel resentment towards them and him. I can’t stand them, I’m really not good at pretending and I don’t want to imagine having to deal with this for the rest of my life. What can I do? Am I wrong for thinking he shouldn’t pay for everything for them? Why he makes no effort in listening and change his ways?

[boggboss]

Honestly this comes off as poetry bit that u are annoyed with his behaviour because its objectively detrimental but because u are jelouse u never had that expirance where as they fi best case if u can't deal with it would be to end it if its that big a issue

[20yearsolder]

Like you said, it's really none of your business. You're not their mother. They are his children and he can treat them however he wants. That's never going to change so either you're going to have to accept it or it's time for you to move on and find another man. Life too short to be pissed off every time they come and visit.

[ohshee]

So what is the reason why you can't accept his daughter there has to be a pretty good reason right

[PeterSmith1983]

It are his daughters so you need to learn to live with it. In the meanwhile have fun with your boyfriend!

[Naughtyboy71]

They spoiled girls who depending on dad for everything which
gives it to them

[Avicenna]

Well, is he not spending any money on you?

[In_Trance]

Nothing you can do