Is it okay to have resentment on your cousin who was Grandpas favorite while I was least favorite?

[Anonymous]

When I was younger, I thought I had the coolest grandpa. But that changed when I was 17. My cousin who is about seven years older than me is the first grandchild, and I was the second to last. She had her first child back in 2016 when I was 17. That’s when I started to realize that my grandfather doesn’t want nothing to do with anything or anyone unless it had to do with my oldest cousin and her family.

My grandfather passed away on July 4th, 2017. Luckily the last thing I told him was “I love you, pop.” (He went by Pop). And he told me he loved me too. So I had a heartfelt goodbye before he past.

It’s been almost six years since my grandfather passed, and I’m just turned 24 a few weeks ago. But as I’m getting old older. I’m starting to realized how much he favored my cousin.

One Christmas, he bought her her very first car, while he bought me a portable dvd player. Him and my nana did come to my high school graduation and went to go play bingo instead. (They did the same thing to my older sister). But went to my cousins boyfriend’s mom’s wedding weeks prior. That wedding was two hours away from where they lived and my graduation was 20 minutes from there house.

My cousin also made his funereal tribute, and no surprise, she put either her and her baby in every other picture while I only had about ten pictures of me.

My cousin is always telling people how much family means to her, but she’s only says that because our grandparents favored her her and she was handed everything to her.

I took my cousin off my Facebook and ignored her every time she came back to town, and when she tried to talked to me. I just smiled and nod to her and try to make little conversation to her as much as possible.

So, I guess my question is. Am I a bad person for not wanting to talk or do anything to my cousin because she got everything handed to her by my grandfather, or am I just really bitter?

Also, has anyone have the same problems like I have or had?

[far2gud4u]

I think that resentment like this can eat away and you shouldn't let it.
You have no idea why these things happened, what discussions or promises were made. There is a huge age gap between both of you and so their finances buying her a car could have greatly differed by the time you turned the same age. Many grandparents put aside accounts when their first grandchildren are born but not for others due to it getting too expensive.
Your cousin sounds like she made a huge effort and you had an age gap so probably couldn't do the same. There were maybe reasons for the wedding invite (they probably didn't get to go to many) and maybe why they couldn't miss bingo that night. Perhaps there was distance between your parent and them. There are a lot of things it sounds like you need facts on. Is Nana around to ask? Your parents?
You cannot blame your cousin for loving a grandparent and being born first. You aren't a bad person for resenting them but if you are so lucky to have family members that you can just throw away you are super lucky. Soon my cousins will be all the blood relatives I have left...

[Asker]

At first I thought it was jealous, and it still maybe that.

My cousin had very lazy parents and got everything from my Grandparent's. They took her on trips and vacations with her. They gave her hundreds of dollars for her birthday and even Christmas.

I never said I blame her for being born first. She was born in 1992, and I was born in 1999. I haven't and won't asked my nana about it because she's over 70 years old and never leaves the house. I've talked to my mom and sometimes dad about it.

My mom is the one who saw it first and when she said if it doesn't have to do with my cousin, they don't care.

I don't hate my grandfather and want to talk bad about him, especially since he's been gone for almost six years. My nana is the only grandparent I have. My mom' mom is still alive, but she's a psycho narcist that only shows love and affection my uncle and his kids and shows and tells everybody that she's his favorite.

Thank for not thinking I'm a bad person. I don't have anything to do with any of my cousins tbh. I had one cousin who tried to do sexual stuff with me, I have two cousins who are twins and they think they're bad and tough and are on drugs and party all the time because they want to impress my uncle because he's a rapper.

I know people say that family is forever and important. But I think that's bull because most of my family outside my siblings and parents, they don't care for anybody but thereselves and try to make everything about them.

[far2gud4u]

OK Well you seem to have your mind made up about a lot.

I challenge my Mum all the time about my bro and I and how we were raised, she was 75 last week and I think the reminiscing actually appeals to her. It isn't what you ask but how you ask it, if you probe gently you may get the answers you need.

It could be possible that they didn't favour her but her parent (their child) and hated their lack of attention with your cousin. I know if I was to have a child and my Dad was still with us he would always favour my nephew because my bro was his favourite. Even though I know my child would spend more time with them and be raised to care more about them.

Its not always what is right or wrong but sometimes a perspective thing. It would be interesting to know their relationship with their own child.

[slatyb]

That's not your cousin's fault. Your grandfather did that, not your cousin.

[Anonymous]

No, because it can eat at you and cause problems.