Here are two father who were betrayed (the levels varied) by their daughters. While one disowned her, the other forgave and still visits her.
Disowned daughter; bond broken
What she did? She hid her mother's affair for nearly a year, deleted the lover's text messages and try passing his baby brother (affair baby) as the father's child. The father was a tech savy and figured out everything. He divorces and disowns daughter. The daughter has been trying to make amends for years but he refuses to ever acknowledge her saying he doesn't have a daughter. He denies her existence since she was 16; she's now in her mid 20's.
Forgiven daughter; unconditional love
She did a whole lot worse than the first story. Her parents banned her from dating her boyfriend. In retaliation, she orchestrated the murder of her parents and two youngers brothers. She was the same age as the first case; 16 years old when she did all that. Only the father survived but he still forgave her. He's a devoted, religious man that believes in unconditional love towards a child till the very end. Somewhere I read that even if she was the mastermind well it's still his daughter.
Obviously both fathers were betrayed (one worse than the other) but if why do people on youtube, reddit and other places called the first father a hero, a man with character and criticize guy 2 for taking the forgiveness route? Why is the retribution route praised more than forgiveness?
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To be honest I fully support the first father in his decision not to want to have anything to do with his daughter anymore after that. I mean, she hid her mom's affair, deceiving her own dad. She can be sorry all she wants, and I could forgive her, but I would never let her be part of the family again.
And I can also understand people's attitude towards the second father. Showing complete forgiveness to a daughter that destroyed his entire family through murder, and over not being able to have a boyfriend, is just as sickening as her doing the act. I think religious folks - although I too am a Christian - tend to be somewhat passive or naive about forgiveness. You can totally forgive someone yet still want nothing to do with them. I truly do not believe that forgiveness means you have to welcome the person who wronged you to your table even if you forgive them. There is a such thing as forgiving and moving on. And no where for the life of me could I ever find it in myself to still want a bond with a daughter who murdered her whole family.
yet there is no universal correct answer. Both fathers reacted differently towards getting betrayed by their daughters. What is forgiveness and what isn't has always been subjective.
Personally, yeah I would find murdering your own blood unforgivable but that guy 2 finds it forgivable. I guess his beliefs are to be respected too. No one should be pushing him to cease contact with his daughter if he feels ok visiting her in prison.
it's easy to hate and disown someone. It's very hard to truly forgive and love.
"Why is the retribution route praised more than forgiveness?" Because deep down They are weak and don't like the idea that there is even one person who can do what seems to them the impossible.
At the end of the day. Both options are valid. People should have the right to make choices that THEY (not you or me) Can live with. Because the consequences will be THEIRS to bare not yours or mine.
Yeah if you disown someone, that's the opposite of love. By not wanting them in your life, you already said you don't give a damn about them nor their whether they're dead or alive; that all the good times you had with them before don't exist anymore. You gave up on them.
I only see two possible reactions; either someone forgives or doesn't. This forgive but not have them in your life doesn't make sense. It means you're hurt and by not having them in your life, you're not really giving them a chance; that doesn't seem like forgiveness.
Guy 2 is how actually forgiveness is like. You don't want to live with the bitterness, still care about the person and don't give up on them.
I can see myself forgiving incident #1. Ok so they hide a parent's affair but for me that's not the worse thing in the world someone can do. Some times the child might feel pressured by the other parent and are afraid of breaking up the family.
Incident #2 would be a hard pill for me to swallow. I don't know if I would manage to speak to a child that killed my spouse and two other children. That's a tough one.
"This forgive but not have them in your life doesn't make sense." It does make sense. You owe some empathy and peace of mind to yourself. Your life will not be worth living if you live with a Narcissist or a Psychopath for too long. For whatever happens, they will always be the victim and you will be the offender. Even though it's usually the other way around. Some Boundaries are necessary and in such cases, going no contact would be best.