Search Results: tough times

I fell in love with her instantly but I never had the courage to make a move so we went to friends. I could never risk losing her from my life because I think she is the most amazing woman, and she inspires me to be better. I left hints so she knows I have feelings for her without telling her directly. We've talked about us and she has suggested a few times that we could not be together. But then she would confuse me by doing something incredibly caring or romantic. I am in a loop of being in the friendzone and trying to accept it, followed by an act which gave me hope of more, to her suggesting we would never work, and back to the friendzone.

We've supported each other so much. She has helped me develop personally, and also deal with the death of someone close to me. And in turn, she has had a tough year personally and professionally so I have supported her and now she's doing better

For the past year, we have had a long call at least once a week. We have been available for each other always. Last week, I called her and for the first time, she never answered or called/text back. We sent each other a couple of texts this week, but I initiated them all. I called her today to no answer, but she text later to just say she was with her friends. I asked her to call me when she was done, but she hasn't.

I feel like she has progressively become more distant from me for a while now. We used to talk all day, every day. Now I'm lucky if she sends me a text 1st.

I've done my best to accept we will never be more. I have tried to do what a friend does; support, care, and be there for her unconditionally.
With her becoming more distant, is it time for me to stop trying, and let her go? Should I not contact her again until she reaches out to me first?
It's tough, she is the first woman I have ever felt love for, despite us never being together. I'm sure she has had feelings for me too but she has been unwilling to compromise on her perfect image of a partner.

I felt like I was being singled out because of his tone from after I told him I could not find it. He tried to make it clear again where it is at, and then he asked me if I wanted him to take a look for me (because he buys tons of food for the family), I let him take a look in the fridge and he pointed out to where I could find it (he asked me another question before so), and I felt very embarrassed and treated like a child, and I told him that he prioritizes himself and not me. I felt like I was the one being the asshole because I threatened to call my biological father (47M - American of Jordanian descent) over the situation, and he did return the call and told me, "It's how guys talk," and started to ask me questions as to whether my stepdad is a "real man" or a "feminine gay guy" or "transgender". I felt pressured to answer, I hung up on him, I did not return his call the first time but I did the second. I also forced my stepdad to talk to my own dad, and he said he did not want to. Admittedly, I yelled at him, and he told me to "stop talking to that way" (in his stereotypical tough-guy tone). I slammed my right foot on the ground, but then my dad wanted a private talk with me outside.

My stepdad returned to the TV and was watching romantic drama, and he was also on the phone with someone. He said, when my mother (47M - Armenian-American of Lebanese birth) comes home from work, have her talk to him. My stepdad was the one person bringing up a lot of these situations from the past (and the recent past, and the very far past) about how I prejudged his Christian faith because of his attitude towards not only me, but also my own mother and my brother. At first he banned my brother from ever being exposed to the word "gay", and he also had very questionable views on gay people and the colors purple and pink (and my mom also has questionable views on trans people - so this is a norm in both my immediate and extended families).

I am a white guy but I have made a lot of minority friends and acquaintances over the years. Particularly Latino friends and few black friends. Nothing I sought out to do just to be “progressive” or something. I judge people on how they treat me, the values they hold and simply if we can just get along. Coincidentally some of those people are minorities. All good.

However will admit it really does take more initial effort to really get to know someone from a different race. That in itself is not a “racist” characteristic. But people do have different life experiences and their ethnicity/race will influence that for better or worse. It takes effort and time to understand that.

However sometimes I see my minority friends making bad decisions and/or having the wrong belief systems that I know from an outside perspective isn’t good for them. However I find myself usually erring on the side of caution when it comes to giving them “tough love” advice. I get the impression that harsh but necessary criticism can be mistaken for ignorance or even prejudice.

Also the whole BLM movement only made this astronomically worse in my opinion. Sometimes white people give harsh criticism to minorities because they ultimately want to see them do better not because we enjoy being condescending.

Anyway the trick with “tough love” is it needs to be timed right. You have to trust and know the person cares for you. The have to trust the other person understands you and your situation. They have to know the right moment to deliver it. You also have to know they take no enjoyment criticizing you.

I’ve gotten tough love in the past both from white friends and even some of my minority friends. I know the didn’t enjoy criticizing me too. They were trying to slap some sense into me when I needed it.

But why is vice versa so much tougher with my minority friends?

(29yo straight dude) I stay away from the social media but it’s hard bc I still have just Snap and a YouTube account. Never tweeted, no insta, and deleted my fb in 2013. When out at bars, if i somehow stumble upon exchanging numbers, nowadays, “Instagram?” Is expected before the number. Lol I’ve had buddies with insta follow girls I’ve talked to at bars and it sucks the not being a part of the media makes me feel like an outcast when I just hate all the time consuming clout we gotta worry about. Everyone posts fake bs and pretends to be fancier, tougher, edgier, richer, and even funnier than they really are or ever will be. It drives me me nuts everybody’s a rapper, a TikTok dancer, a “” professional chef, fitness influencer only fans face maker and they all flex so hard with their belongings, causing everyone to think this is what life is all about and we can all just quit her jobs and become influencers. Now I don’t hear anybody doing any of this for fun but there’s definitely ones that take it way too serious and to me that’s a problem I can only see you getting worse in the future, which is a great reason why I take no part as best as I can. I’m not ultimately against the media. It’s hard for me to do it soft and I only use it for advantages, and I finally need to post things for clout and that’s just on Snapchat with my small private circle.