Hello All, My girlfriend (34) and me (27) have gone through some tough times and I’m wondering if I should just let go already. We have been together since October 2022 and I am so distraught on what I should do. We ended up having a fight in January where she got mad at me and broke up with me for 3 weeks before calling me back wanting back together. I took her back and we fought because her baby daddy came back into the picture wanting her back and she wanted space to deal with it. He’s been in and out of jail but he lives in another state so she hasn’t seen him and she blocked him but she wanted space for the whole child support thing.
We started talking again but she tells me she wants space to figure her life out. Here we are in April now and I hardly get any texts, she’s only replies to me with a couple word answers when we used to be so lovey with each other. Just this week she ghosted me for 2 days because she’s been doing 14 hour shifts but I told her if you truly cared for me you would at least send me a text or two just saying you were okay. She said she doesn’t have time but I do shifts like that and I always find a couple seconds of my day to check up on her. She said once her life is figured out she will work on our relationship.
Honestly, this relationship feels dead. She never wants to see me until she has a stable job and her life figured out but honestly I don’t know how long I’ll sit here waiting if it ever comes. I truly love her she’s had bad past relationships and has never said she loved me for that reason and said she will say it one day. Should I just call it off or is this just a rough moment for her? When I tell her I love her, she just says “thanks” or if I say I care and miss her she just says “thanks” like no emotion. Or if I text her something lovey I never get a response back it was such a 180 turn after we got back together and she just said she has a lot on her plate.
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Sorry man, but I do think you need to let her go. You made the case here yourself. I think that you see the problems here, you're just hesitant to break up with her because you care about her. But, your only other option is to basically say to her exactly what you wrote here. All of it. Let her know that this is where you're coming from, and see what she wants to do.
It sounds like you don't need her to fix her life first. And you are right, you shouldn't wait... because that could take a while. And in the meantime... this isn't working for you. So basically, you'd be saying: "This isn't working for me, if we can't work on the relationship now, then I have to end it. I don't need you to fix your life first, I can come along for that ride... but I can't wait for that. Are you able/wanting to ACTUALLY try to fix this relationship? If you've got too much else on your plate, fine, but then I need to end this for me."
But, you know... say it better.
And you may have essentially already had this very conversation a hundred times. I don't know.
But this relationship is dead I'm afraid. Or at least it's going to die unless you're able to get her to completely change her priorities when it comes to how she fits your relationship into her life.
Dude... this is A LOT for a 6 month relationship. A LOT. If she's not putting in the effort... you should end this. It's not going to get better without a drastic change on her part. Doesn't sound like that's happening. Sorry.
From what she’s said, I don’t think you have much other choice but to break up. When she’s telling you that she needs space to figure her life out and will work on the relationship when she’s got her life figured out, there’s no time stamp on the longevity of this and you can’t hang in limbo. Between dealing with her baby daddy, being a mom and trying to get her life together, it doesn’t leave much room to prioritize a relationship. You’re in an entirely different place, and need a partner who’s on the same page when it comes to availability. I’m sorry that it’s come to this and your hands are kinda tied, but I think you know what needs to be done.
This relationship sounds really toxic and messy. I think it would be best for you to break it off and cut your loses. You’ve only been together for 7 months, and you’re already fighting a lot and she keeps saying she needs space. She sounds like she doesn’t actually know what she wants, and you don’t deserve to be with someone who is unsure of what they want. Her breaking it off and then coming back 3 weeks later in January is a red flag aswell. So yeah, I think you’re best to just break it off and DONT go back to her after breaking up. Block her socials and number, and move on with your life.
I’m thinking of that. I honestly think she doesn’t know what she wants and her past relationships shouldn’t reflect ours. She broke it off too she’s got a bit of a temper so she got mad I tried suggesting what she should do.