Why do some people try to use you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I live in China, I work really hard and I have a pretty good income.

I got friends with a Georgian girl, who has never worked in her life, has only worked part time in the past, she had a business and was kind of a fraudster.

I, on the other hand, I used to work in law.

So, this friend of mime while gives me great times, still spends more time at my home, than I do, and I am literally never alone at home, she is a type of person who always tries to live on someone’s expense.

I like being friends with her and seeing her maybe 3-4 times a week but everyday having her at home is getting annoying.

She uses my clothes, my make up and while also always offers hers as well, I just like having my own things and don’t like using hers.

She has been staying with me for 3 months, while trying to save money and hunt on young rich men. I, though, work really hard and seems like she spends more time at home for which I pay, she has more savings than me, but when I told her maybe it’s time for her to start looking for a stable job and get her own apartment, because I need my own space, since I had a really tough childhood and never had my own privacy, so now I want to live my way, she told me it’s really hard for her because she doesn’t know which city to choose and all the apartments ask for 3 months deposit.

Seems like she didn’t get a hint that I need my space and she needs to live, seems like she also doesn’t appreciate our friendship more than 3 months deposit of her future apartment, or she’d rather go and get it, instead of sacrificing my comfort and living on my expense.

I feel used. If she wanted to get a job she would get so far, but instead she enjoys dating rich young guys, while I barely have time for dating. And doesn’t care about getting her own apartment cause she feels perfectly happy and comfortable at my home.

Updates

1 y

Our friendship has a history of 5 mths and I am always the one helping her. She has lived with me for 3 months already. So I start thinking what kind of friendship is that if I no longer get any emotional benefits and she is the only one being happy and content?

I get moody when I’m home, cause I don’t have any privacy anymore, first I was trying to let it go, I thought she would soon find her place and I was sacrificing my comfort for a friendship, because we always had fun, but not anymore

Updates

11 mo

My message to her - I thought you would solve this problem soon after our last conversation, but you didn't take me into account as I expected. I put my best into our friendship, I have never done so much for any of my friends, not even for those with whom I have been friends for years, I tried to help you as much as I could, but now it is time to take care of myself, I am working all the time and I am helping my family from here and I want to think about myself. You have to leave.

Updates

11 mo

Had you taken my words into account, you would have started taking care of the apartment by now, and I wouldn't have to remind you this anymore. Friendship is not about taking advantage of a friend's kindness and seeking your own comfort at the expense of his discomfort. You cannot keep friends for long this way.

She said, she understands it’s just too expensive. What the hell. She still tries to manipulate guilt in me.

[dynamicyandere]

That sounds very frustrating. You’re working really hard for you money, while she is spending all her time dating men instead of finding a job. She has become much too comfortable and has taken your hospitality for granted. If she was a true friend, she would worry about being a burden on you want be considerate of your feelings too.


As someone said before, you’ll need to be firm with her and give her a deadline to move out. She has overstayed her welcome and she may need some tough love. If your friendship is broken over this, it’ll be a lesson from life to her, and when she looks back hopefully she will remember that one will lose friendships if they only care about themselves.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you, I feel happy to be understood, because I feel like a bad person for not wanting her at home any more.

[dynamicyandere]

You’re welcome. ☺️ I’m glad you feel heard.

You’ve already been very patient with her, more patient than most people would be.

You shouldn’t feel bad for having some boundaries. It’s unfortunate that she is forcing your hand.

But, it’s either this or your resentment will only further grow until there is no friendship to save.

It’s similar to how a romantic relationship can deteriorate.

When someone is ignoring an important issue that needs to be addressed, only concerned about their own needs instead of the needs of their significant other, eventually resentment will grow and the relationship will end because it won’t be sustainable.

And what she’s doing here by mooching off you is not sustainable in the long run and she needs to stop if she values your friendship.

[Rangers]

It's obvious, people use others to get ahead. Why else would they do it?

[EmmaMary]

Sadly you are going to have to be a damn sight stronger and more assertive, in giving her an ultimatum... Something like, I'm giving you three months (longer or shorter if you wish) to both find employment and a place of your own, or else sadly and unfortunately I'm going to have to "throw" you out.

Hopefully a short, sharp shock will do the trick... Good Luck. 🤞

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know… Because she obviously doesn’t mind the discomfort she causes me.

But when we didn’t live together we really had a great time, we partied hard and she helped me get over my break up, I also helped her a lot, she’s basically living on my expense for the last 3 months and I helped her get a job couple of times.

It just makes me worried I have noone here in China, she’s the only person I have here and I don’t want to be totally alone, but why can’t she just live somewhere else and we can meet 3-4 times a week. I just really need my space, I need ro recover my energy and I don’t want to go home and spend the 2-3 hours I have left before sleeping in the presence of someone else, with whom I don’t feel free enough to talk to my family or spend my evening the way I wish. It’s a common sense that everyone needs a privacy. She gets lots of it, since she doesn’t work and I am literally gone whole day, so it’s like her home, I leave home at 08:30 and go back at 09:00 in the evening.

In the past she visited me twice a week and I was play with that cause I had some me time, but now she got way too comfortable and asked me to stay with me till July. I couldn’t reject. I now regret though. Because it makes me think she doesn’t care about my own needs if she still wants to stay here for 3 more months after our conversation.

[EmmaMary]

You need to be telling her all of this, and on no account do you accept any excuses whatsoever.

Stand your ground, be strong, and get this ridiculous situation sorted once and for all.

OK, so you might lose this so called friend (personally I would call her more a parasite) but at least you will then be able to get your life and happiness back on track again.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, she is really acting like a parasite, but before I met her I felt really lonely and I am scared about that. Because before she started acting like a parasite, we really had some amazing time together.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But I don’t want to have her relied on me. I am an older sister, I have always had lots of responsibilities. I want to live carelessly without taking care of anyone. I am already trying to help my family back in our country. I shouldn’t be helping others on expense of my comfort, I have enough people in need of help. I feel really frustrated.

[EmmaMary]

Well I have given you my own personal advice, whether you wish to accept it or not is now purely up to you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think that’s a very good advice. It’s just yesterday when I talked and tried to stand on my ground, she made me feel pity for herself and I gave in and told her she could stay till July.

Now I realize if she was worth my pity, she wouldn’t really want to stay anymore. She is perfectly self-sufficient.

I have no idea how to let her go without literally kicking her out, I don’t want to be rude.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Isn’t there a way for her to go without me being really rude and strict about it?

[EmmaMary]

Like I've already mentioned, you give her the ultimatum of which it will hopefully register and she will realise and accept the consequences as necessary.

You on the hand, need to start practicing and building on your inner strength and assertiveness, turning "deaf ears" on to all her pathetic excuses, and drum it in to her that this action Will Be Taking Place... The End.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Check out the update. Instead of hurrying to find an apartment, she hurried to get men, now she goes sleeps around and comes back home again, not caring to get a job. So I messaged her this message today.

[love_conquers_lust]

Try the same setup I have with my relatives. I do weekly chores without fail. I give them space when they want it. I help them with anything upon request. I don’t bring anyone into their home without their approval.

The only real conflicts we have is who ate what food. I’m in better shape than both of them and listening them tell me to stop eating everything is an utter joke to me. But, can’t really complain about that either.

Whatever terms you lay out, you can change it whenever. I moved in under the same terms and have well overstayed my welcome. So I accepted their terms because it was the ethical thing to do. It’s actually worked out in a number of situations where having me there gives them a number of advantages.

[msc545]

I left you a DM, but her money problems are not your problem. You need to wait until she is gone, change the locks, never let her in again, and just ask her where she wants her stuff sent. BE CAREFUL and have a friend with you if you intend to do this in person as she may assault you and later claim you hit her first.

[PointTaken]

Being used does suck and brings you down. Been through a shitload of it. So much I trust that everyone just want something from me. I don't have friends to hang with really. You'll have to force her out it sounds like.

[Anonymous]

Only Femdoms try to use me because i'm easily manipulated using sex and other triggers

[Danny_dan92]

You live in a communist country. That’s why

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

She’s not Chinese.

[Danny_dan92]

You live in China

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

So?

Did I say it’s not a communist country? Or does it mean since I live here I agree with its politics. What do you try to imply?

[legalboxers]

they think you are a sucker.