Should I cut my mother off?

[Anonymous]

So I’m in a dilemma. When I was 5 my mother gave me to my uncle, she was poor and my uncle had the money to take care of me and put me in school. When I turned 7 years old my uncle gave me to his wife sister to go to the Uk. So I could have a better future and education. I spent 10 years with the sister. When I turned 16 my uncles sister in laws husband molested me. I had just finished school and received my British citizenship. So that summer my uncle paid for my ticket to go back to my home country. When I went back I told a family friend that I had been molested by my uncles in-laws husband. It got back to my uncle and his wife and his in-laws. My uncles wife and in-laws didn’t believe me and said I was doing this for attention. My uncles wife actually said “have you never been touched by a man before”. She then stole my passport. And I had to stay in my home country for a year. When the whole molestation thing came out my mum did believe me but she wasn’t there like I needed her to be. When the year ended I returned to the UK and stayed with some friends for a few months. When I turned 18 I had to go into a homeless shelter. Time was tough for me. I had no one. I started going out more and getting drunk.

One day I went to another city to meet with my friends I ended up getting raped. Through all of this my mum was no where to be. No support. She doesn’t know about the rape thing. Anyways when I started making some money. My mum would ask me for some money. And I would send her money and every time I would go back home I would bring gifts. Through out my 20’s my mum would tell me all the negative things other people would say about me. Like why would I want to know this? 🙄 And start arguments with me. Saying really nasty things. And just tell me how her life is so hard. And that I don’t respect her because she’s poor. Not even acknowledging how hard it was for me to be taken away from my family at such a young age.

Updates

1 y

Anyways I turn 30 this year last November I found out I was pregnant. When I was about a month pregnant. My mum messaged me telling me I should stop smoking and drinking. She didn’t know I was pregnant. And I wasn’t doing those things. She started saying that people have seen me smoking and drinking and I should stop. A week later she messaged me saying she and my sister dont have money for toothpaste and she needs money. I spoke to my sister and my sister was shocked that she even said that.

Updates

1 y

I told her that what will she do if I have kids, will she continue asking me for money. And told her that her whole life she’s depended on other people. That’s when she started saying that I have demons in me because my behaviour is not normal. if I ever go back to my country she will fight me. And that my cousins don’t drink and I’m wasting my life. And I’m smoking weed which am not. Saying how my friends are bad.

[Anonymous]

It’s understandable that you have been through a lot of difficult experiences and that your relationship with your mother has been strained. It's important to prioritize your own emotional and mental well-being, and to surround yourself with people who support and care for you.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek out the support of a therapist or counselor who can help you process your experiences and make decisions about how to handle your relationship with your mother. Ultimately, the decision about whether or not to cut off contact with your mother is a personal one, and it's important to do what is best for you and your well-being. You are not responsible for your mother's happiness or well-being, and that it's okay to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

[mark000h]

I'm sorry, seems you've had a rough life. I would do whatever I could to find peace including getting some counseling, getting help from organizations that help with single mothers. Definitely don't give any money to anybody. You will need it. They can work if they want some.

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, it's tough. On one hand, it isn't exactly her fault that she was too poor to take care of you. But on the other hand, she is sucking the money and positive vibes out of you. So, it is best to at least take a break from your mother. I am sorry about your rapes. You are very brave I'm sharing your story. If you need more advice, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

I get that she was poor but she has two siblings. A brother and a sister who provided for their children. She never did. She’s done this multiple times aswell. Comes and tells me all the negative things other people are saying about me. And if I don’t agree with what she says. She starts saying really horrible things to me. It’s draining. Now that I’m becoming a mother I would never treat my daughter like the way she’s treated me.

[Asker]

She never acknowledges how I feel. Whenever I tell her about how hard it’s been for me. She starts making it about herself. She says I’m sorry I was poor and I don’t respect her because she’s poor. All I wanted was emotional support and unconditional love from her which I never received. It was never about the money.

[Stevefiveo]

I hear you. I had a toxic mother like this too. Always insulting me. I started planning on how I would get away when I was 8. When I moved out. I avoided contact with her.

[Stevefiveo]

Yup, classic narcissists always make it about themselves. I knew at an early age that my mother would never admit that she did anything wrong so I never bothered to talk to her about it. It sucks because you can never get closure on it. You just have to come to the conclusion that she was a terrible person and it wasn't your fault.