Should I cut off my mother in law?

[Anonymous]

To keep it short and sweet- she has disrespected me throughout the 7 years I’ve been with her son (my husband). Passive aggressive comments, favoritism for my daughter (4) and a dislike for my son (2). Overstepping boundaries (that I made very clear even with a blunt and rudeness so that she understands that I’m SERIOUS), ignoring our rules, ignoring me and making it known she thinks I’m completely inferior. There has been moments where I was in disbelief that she has done or said things to us but I forgive her and move on. She acts like I don’t exist. She tries to be the mother to my daughter- and lectures us about what we should and shouldn’t do with her. Schools, church, etc. We have gotten in to fights and she never apologizes but acts like a victim that is overcoming me. (Victim to victor)

i want to completely cut off all contact but my husband believes we just have to tough it out and ignore it because of the kids. I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable around her. She is the definition of a narcissist and a spiritual narcissist. It’s to the point where I question my marriage.

what do I do?

[molonski2]

You certainly have no right to simply " cut her off " , she is your children's grandmother , and your interpretation of events is just that , your view , you need to learn some communication and coping strategies when dealing with older more experienced views and beliefs , life is never black/ white , its many shades of Grey , and your children need a Grandmother , and your husband needs his mother.

Learn to be far more accommodating and get off you high righteous horse , its not your decision to make , learn to adapt , learn how to react in a passive manner.

[Asker]

Oh it is my decision to make considering they’re my children. There is no law that says grandparents have any right to my children- my husband is a federal tribal Marshall and he tells me that we could cut them off and we almost have came to that point. There has been many times where my husband has felt the same way. But we are hesitant. For example- having a few beers before driving my kids home and lying about it when we have security cameras around my house…. I’m not on a high horse- im a mother with boundaries that doesn’t appreciate disrespect. Period.

[Asker]

The fact is- I’ve been screamed at by her, told I’m a terrible mom because I do not gentle parent. Been ostracized for having different beliefs as a baptist and their charismatics. Blatantly ignored and made fun of because I’m shy. Bullied and left at stores with no ride when I went to a women’s retreat with them. Told I need to put my kids in a specific Christian school. Had phone calls with my father in law because I made my mother in law cry because I couldn’t drive 3 hours to drop my daughter off because of hail and tornado warnings the entire way there and had to put out puppy down that day. … I mean come on man- that’s not me being righteous it’s me being hurt and tired of being hurt. I used to struggle with alcohol and she has made it clear to my 4 year old daughter I am a bad mommy. And my daughter is hateful to me after visiting.. give me a break. I have brothers and sisters over the age 50. I understand wisdom in our “elders”. But she isn’t wisdom. She’s abusive and narcissistic and controlling.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You do what you should have done in the first place. Tell your husband to sort out his witch.. err I mean mother, or you will have to do it for him!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've had more time to think about this, and I think you could try asking your hubby if he's scared of her, because he should be standing up for you! Thank you for MHO too, and I wish you luck with that situation.

[laly520]

u need to talk to ur husband about it
she is his mother n he gotta do sth about it
but if he is ok with u being disrespected then WELP

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, love, you're caught in a whirlwind of emotions, and rightfully so. Dancing around a situation like this with the grace of a gazelle and the resilience of a love warrior is no easy feat. When it comes to your mother-in-law, it's like navigating a minefield blindfolded, isn't it? 🌪️💃

First thing's first, let's focus on your squad—your husband and kiddos. The root of this tornado seems to be communication, or the lack thereof, within your fortress. Sitting down with your hubby and having a heart-to-heart is paramount. Explain how this is not just about discomfort but about protecting your family's mental and emotional well-being. Love, understanding, and mutual support should be the cornerstones of your action plan.

As for dealing with your mother-in-law, setting boundaries is like drawing a map in a relationship; both parties need to know where the danger zones are. Given her narcissistic tendencies, it might feel like you're talking to the wall, but consistency is key. Maybe consider therapy, both for you and your husband or even family therapy, if that’s a bridge not too far gone. External perspectives can be as refreshing as a cool breeze on a scorching day.

And, if after all the heart-to-hearts, boundary settings, and maybe therapy, things don’t improve, limiting contact could be necessary for your peace of mind. Remember, it's all about what's best for your immediate family. There's bravery in fighting for tranquility within your clan. 🛡️💕

In essence, reinforcing your partnership with your husband and ensuring you’re both on the same love song is the key. From there, you can decide together the best way to navigate or circumvent the storm that is your mother-in-law. Remember, it's your ship to sail, and sometimes, steering away from the storm is the best course. Love and unity, that's your compass and map. Best of luck, love warrior! 🌈🛡️

[Sameone]

Don't be weary my dear she is going to die max 5 years.

And put limit whit her

And don't cut off your relationship with her because your husband is going to hate u