Search Results: asking him again

I ask this question because I noticed often times when someone’s trying to solve a conflict where a Partner is let with them, they are more so trying to extricate themselves from an uncomfortable situation of somebody being angry with them.

🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s similar to “just give me the answer” on a maths problem, rather than understanding how you arrived at the answer. Which is always going to be tempting for people at one point or another. But this doesn’t solve the problem long-term because if you don’t know what’s going on and you don’t know what causes you don’t know how to keep it from happening again, if that’s not possible sometimes conflicts come up repeatedly.

🫤 I tend NOT to see much trying to _understand_ what is happening with the other person.. what is really making them upset.

I’m sure you have seen solutions for getting out do the 🐶 🏡 that have nothing to do with learning anything, rather ways to hopefully placate the other party.. gifts treats surprises favors etc. Thats stuff is absolutely bonkers to me. Here you have a solid learning opportunity that can help everyone long term and you try to buy it off. 🤯

Or the lazy generic “how do you get a woman to forgive you” “ how do you get a man to not be angry” nothing about what that actual person is experiencing and what brought out the maybe overly dramatic reaction in that moment.

I think many people would even be _annoyed_ if they were upset and someone started asking “what are you going through? What’s happening with you, what even caused this?”

🧐 I find it very _interesting_ when someone’s really upset. I tend to not get defensive because I’m more interested in understanding what’s going on over having a fight… I mean, unless of course I’m being accused of something absolutely ridiculous that has nothing to do with me- that is annoying af 🤨 but otherwise I’m more into taking an observing position.. I have observed this can be irritating to people who are very angry, however not my intent. 👀

Long story short, we matched & spoke for a few wks on bumble a few months ago. He asked to meet up, the times he gave weren’t working & I was new at a job/stressed at the time. He follows up again during this time & I didn’t follow through, flash fwd to a little over a month ago & I regretted not meeting up. I sent him a well thought message & he never replied so I assumed he wasn’t interested. Last wk, we end up matching on another app & I was shocked. He msgs me saying he remembers me & I told him I tried reaching out recently but apparently he didn’t know bc he hasn’t checked bumble in a while.

We’ve sent a few msgs everyday since EXCEPT this Mon, I reply to his message from Sun night Mon evening & he didn’t reply until Tues morning. He apologized & said he had a long night…I try to not be clingy but always thought it’s expected you should message matches daily. Personally, I only send 1 message a day or every other day/every few days when it’s very early on, might change to 1-2 per day if the convo is going in the right direction (when it’s just on the app & before sharing #s). I just thought the guy might take more…initiative. Is it a sign they’re not interested if they don’t message daily? We’re still only msging on the app but it can be exhausting checking often. Last thing I’ll add is he reached out Sun night asking for my sched this week to see when I’m avail to meet up. I asked if weekends work & he said he needs to confirm if he’s still scheduled to visit his parents & will get back to me/will try to keep that day open.

*OLD= Online Dating*

For context, I matched with someone from a dating app around May this yr. We spoke for a few weeks & he proposed meeting up but the times he kept bringing up weren’t working for me. He ends up reaching out again when he was back from traveling & tried to schedule something, I didn’t follow through. At the time, I was overwhelmed with a new job & just not in the best headspace to meet up with anyone in person from OLD. About a month ago, I felt like I should’ve given him a shot & then sent him a well thought message asking if he would give me another “redo”. He never replied so I thought he wasn’t interested, flash fwd to this week & we end up matching on another app I just installed.

He reaches out saying he remembered me & I told him that I tried reaching out to him around a month ago. He said he didn’t know because he hasn’t checked that other app in a while and said he was sorry for leaving me hanging, asking if I’m willing to give him another redo and then brought up that we live close by based on the app. Tbh if I was him, I don’t think I would’ve given me another shot. I know we’re strangers & there shouldn’t be too much stock placed on randos from OLD apps but I would’ve been sus, thinking this person only wants to talk to me b/c it didn’t work out w/ someone else etc.

Am I too critical or anyone else get where I’m coming from? Again I’m not trying to seem like I get too attached but I try to be wary, since we all know OLD apps can be sketchy.

Prior to this job, I worked in financial aid for ~2 years. That was my 1st time ever working in the field but before that job I was an academic advisor. Early on during training when I was on a call with a trainer, I ended up breaking down crying bc I felt overwhelmed. I ended up pushing through & the trainers let my new team know that I was doing well. Eventually ended up having higher metrics compared to a lot of people on my team. Anxiety was always there but I got *better*, I was miserable at that job though due to the workload.

Now I’m in my 3rd week working for another school remotely in FA again, this is a school I’ve been trying to get in at for almost as long as I was at my other job (mostly bc of pay). I’m training by myself with the manager & I like her so far, she keeps telling me that I’m doing a good job (I’m not asking) & she felt the need to let the whole team know that I’m doing good/picking up fast when I was introduced to them earlier this week. This job is more in depth vs the last job & she even told me that they only hire people with experience now bc of how much there is to it. When she first taught me something new, it took a few tries & I picked it up, then she teaches me something else & I get it the first try.

I made my first 2 calls today & I felt shaky, she also said nicely that the first few calls will feel like that/ it was obvious it was one of my first calls but I did a good job. I felt like a wreck + then she gave me another assignment of something I caught onto before but I ended up getting stuck this time. I was obv frustrated & it was right before I was done for the day but I just couldn’t think straight bc I felt so upset with my progress.

Am I being too hard on myself? Am I right to believe this might not be a good fit for me? I’ve been so upset since I clocked out & am dreading tomorrow.