Search Results: going down on a guy

I met this guy in October last year at a dinner gala event. We were placed on a seating arrangement and he ended up sitting next to me, we talked that entire night and we instantly clicked, it felt as if we had already known each other for years.
Then that same night, there was a party going on, I attended and he ended up being there too! He first came, put his hands gently on my shoulders asking if I'm okay, and he was winking at me, smiling the entire night. For context, he was my friends mutual she brought along that night. Fast forward to November, he texted me asking if we can hang out some time, and I agreed. We texted briefly in December, he did invite me somewhere but I was out of the country and couldn't make it.
Now this year jan he liked my stories, commented on my posts and even texted me briefly. By feb, I had texted him first that day to find out if he still studies at the university I'm currently at, coz that's where he went last year (he is in his last year ), and he said no but he will visit more often now that I am there. Then he asked for my number and sent me a text asking if I'm seeing anybody, I said no & then he sent a text saying he wants me and I told him we can give it a try. We spoke, he invited me to meet up with him to get to know each other better in person, coz he sucks at texting, I seriously couldn't make it to any of the 5 hangouts; I had other things those days. We eventually did meet twice so far this year, one in feb and last week Monday as he came to visit me on my campus which is 30 minutes away from his. We were supposed to meet yesterday outside of campus, but I couldn't make it to the venue he invited me to. but I feel as if I am letting him down by not attending. Also I still live with my parents although I am a 2nd year university student, and my parents still treat me like a high scholar that I can't go out unless it's with 2 specific friends. I feel as if it's too good to be true that he not giving up

I didn't want to ask about this becouse im a bit ashamed of it, i just scared it with some people in DM's but i want some opinions on this.

I found out some messages of my ex with other girls i didn't know. They were talking about going to date, kissing and some dirty talks. He even went out with some of them.

I was mad so i confronted him but his reaction got me even more furious. He told its none if my business and he can do whatever he want and then even told me im a whore becouse i also meet other guys (he was talking about some guys i know from gym or bjj club but i never meet with them outside of the gym/club).

I got furious and pushed him to the wall, he pushed me back and then i hit him in the face. He fell down and i have him some more beating before leaving him in the appartment.

I know i shouldn't have done this, but is it at least understandable?