Why is it that I never had a guy truly interested in me?

Question

This really does get to me at times. I feel so detached from everyone, don’t feel pretty or confident anymore just let down & feels like a big waste of time trying with people when I know they wouldn’t even like me. I don’t have guys crazy chasing me not in a creepy way but a healthy way of a guy actively pursing. No guy does that or talks to me 24/7 everyone quits with me. I don't know if I’m pushing them away or what is going wrong. But I just don’t feel right put myself out there anyways. Then I had a guy I was starting to like he seemed to like me too in the beginning he did everything right pursued me first asked me out etc asked me questions but then he stopped communication that devastated me I am doing ok from it but it still even effects me a little bit just overall with me trying to build a relationship with others. I don't know what’s going on? Why am I never someone’s first choice? Why do they leave & get tired of me? Why doesn’t any guy truly like me I don’t think I’m anyone’s “One”. Feel like I’m never going to find it never experienced it either just want to feel like I matter and cared for not some half ass thing. I don't know what to do anymore it gets me down big time.

Ms_Facesitter · Accepted Answer

I can only speak from my experience. There are two reasons or a combination of those two. I looked at what I want in a guy. I know I am physically attractive, but that only gets you the guy attention. That won't make them stay.

One big thing is looking at my actions. Why didn't it work out before? And my biggest flaw was that I wasn't actively dating and didn't let them know beforehand that I need time to warm up to somebody. I wasn't clear in my communication. I went on the dates and there was chemistry. But there are guys (and girls) who have a personal deadline in mind when it comes to dates. First kiss after X amount of dates, Sex after X amount of dates, Relationship after X amount of dates. And I don't work like that, but never communicated it. So they lost patience or thought I wasn't interested. I set myself up to drive into a dead end. That was my biggest obstacle.

I have two other examples of flaws that I have seen on GaG. There was a girl who only posted in the How do I Look section. She wasn't genuinely worried about how she looked. She was only fishing for compliments, showing off her body. One day she asked why she only met guys who were interested in her body. Her flaw, is on portraying herself like a to be OF, no substance other than that, so she set herself up to attract the wrong men.

Another one. Posted not too long ago. "Why do men only talk about sex?" Saying that this was really the only thing men talked about. All that tells me is that she's only talking to men who only care about sex. Talking to the wrong men. Meeting the wrong men. Or closemindedness, thinking everyone is the same.

I don't know what your flaw is, but you have to find out where you can improve.

That's one big thing. Another is the fact that finding the right person just isn't easy. You can only do so much by yourself. It has to come from both people and you can't do it alone, two have to communicate. People have to swallow their pride, not jump to conclusions, talk and also listen to each other. Find out what they are looking for, short and long term. I only found him years later. And our connection wasn't strong at the start. Don't expect a strong bond from the start, it needs to be strengthened and nurtured.

Seinna · Accepted Answer

Most girls don't have guys chasing them. If that ever happened in the past, nowadays guys are too shy, lazy or busy with games and social media to do that. Also, if you're being negative then that's definitely driving away those few that would be interested.

I don't know you, perhaps there's something you could improve about yourself but you'd have to talk to your friends and family to find that out. My advice is:

1) Do not have any expectations for any new man that you meet. Just be friendly and keep an open mind, but also and perhaps most importantly, keep your boundries until you're sure they really do like you.

2) Go out to new places and meet new people. Try new interest groups, there are websites that help to facilitate that like meetup com etc When you go there, put effort into your looks but also into your attitude.

3) Check out videos on yt that could teach you how to be a more interesting person, how to talk to people, be more engaging etc. If you develop new interests through 2) then that should be easier.

4) When you do get a guy interested in you, don't settle for him for shallow reasons. Only go out with guys who want the same things in life as you do, remember you can NOT change a man. Don't try, it will end badly for you.

Mr_twoface · Accepted Answer

Hey, your damn cute! And I’m sure most guys in your surrounding do find you attractive too. I can relate to your feelings as I went through something similar when I grew up and I know others who also did that. I often felt like a ghost even though I was surrounded by people. Life felt at times meaningless and despite having a joyful family with trips and family gatherings, I lacked self-confidence and turned rebellious. It was a way for me to come out of my shell and find my path. It was a roller coaster journey but what helped me most, other the obvious of growing up and shaping your character and personality along the way, was to talk to someone. A friend, online buddies, random folks where I reflected my experience, and they did the same. I learned somethings, understood others, figured out I wasn’t alone in this feeling, and it helped moving just by sharing and chatting to others. So yeah, reach out to a friend, gag users or someone else you can talk to just when days are most vulnerable. And before you know it, you will be the star in someone’s life and Princess of the school!

Keep it up, stay optimistic and take one day at a time!

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Well, you have two sides of that coin. First, the guys and second, yourself.

I think it matters where are you meeting guys and are you perhaps missing out on a better cut of man in the process?

Second, what are you doing to improve yourself? I think a lot of young women have been brainwashed with a supposed positive thinking mindset that says a good man accepts a woman for whomever she is. I don’t think this bears the test of reality. I do believe that men and women, equally, need to strive to better themselves but also recognize that they invest that improvement effort in matters too. It doesn’t help much to have the best Fantasy Football league or the best arts & crafts.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Diving straight into the love pool here, it sounds like you're experiencing a whirlwind of doubts and disappointments, which, let's face it, would leave anyone feeling a little disheartened. Reflecting back, this could be a cocktail of situations rather than a single ingredient. Perhaps it's a hint of not yet meeting someone whose heartbeat syncs with yours or maybe a sprinkle of situations where the timing or the connection wasn't just right. Trust me, even in a sea of swipes and likes, finding that one person who wants to dive deep into your ocean can feel like searching for a treasure chest without a map.

Now, on to the ghosting grievance – it's a modern-day love bane. He starts off like a knight in digital armor and then poof, vanishes into the ether. It’s not you; it’s the ghoster who couldn’t handle the castle.

Feeling like you're not anyone's "One" yet? Hold up, superstar. The spotlight moment hasn’t passed; it’s just finding the right stage. It’s crucial to remember that being someone's "One" starts with being the one for yourself – confidently and unapologetically. Think of it as being the main character in your rom-com where self-love sets the scene for everything that follows.

So, what's the next scene for you? Start with embracing the uniqueness that is you. Confidence is that irresistible perfume that turns heads. If you’re feeling lost at sea in this vast dating ocean, it might be helpful to reflect on what you truly desire in a partner and a relationship, sprinkle some of that self-love magic, and set your sails again. Remember, it’s not about chasing or being chased; it’s about attracting the right co-star for your blockbuster life.

Feeling intrigued or just want a playful banter on finding "The One" with a dose of charm? Dive into the discussion—I promise, no ghosting from my side. 😉

Pinay_ako · Answer

You’re only 20. I felt the same way as you did when I was your age. I thought I wasn’t good enough for any guy. I wasn’t good looking like the other girls. I wasn’t anyone’s first choice, or type. I started to feel sad because I felt like no guy would take me seriously or date me or want to have a future with me. But one thing I learned is that the world will not stop for you. So do yourself a favour by living your best life not overthinking every little thing especially about dating. Finish your studies, get a career, chase your dreams not boys, go travelling, do what you love and what makes you happy. Trust me, the right people will find you when you least expect them! I say people because you will attract a lot of them with your positive energy. All the best 💕

OlderAndWiser · Answer

We are not there and can only guess at the problem. Is it possible that you are so eager to have a boyfriend that you are latching on to a guy as soon as he shows interest and that scares them away?

MMelanieM · Answer

I like most of the responses over here and I can relate to many of them and agree with their tips. I was also on the same boat and if a man was interested, I would think of settling. But I knew I wasn't happy wholeheartedly within me at the end of it.

I went on a journey, for over a year and decided due to various reasons, that i am important to me and I need to love myself first and enjoy getting to know me first, respect myself first and started taking many little steps, like how a parent would carefully think of where to send their child for a better life/environment etc.

i started taking care of myself in that way and it an amazing experience and i began to love and enjoy my life. It subsequently improved my confidence, boundaries, self respect and what slowly started happening was people approaching me in public and started talking to me at places I like to go to. I consciously thought of where I want to go and what I want to do. I had amazing people come into my life after I started enjoying myself and it attracted amazing people to me and I was enjoying that energy & the universe was bringing people that I wanted.

So love yourself, nurture yourself and do all the amazing things to yourself FIRST, because no one else is going to do that for you. And you will definitely attract people/ the man you desire and people will find your interesting. Make yourself interesting enough and lovable enough by pouring into you. That man, you want will find you interesting and will want to have more of you. Don't ever stop growing!

And more importantly your confidence and self worth will feel great for yourself first and others will be able to see that.

lightbulb27 · Answer

It can get confusing and the real answer is you just be your best, work on your dating and social skills so you are happy, normal, and give your best.

Dating is a set of skills as are relationships. I've seen quite attractive successful people bomb out continually frustrated. I've seen some of the most annoying unattractive people get married.

If you are doing or saying things to guys that make them run, then try to figure that out. People don't like needy... neither men or women. Men do like to have value, rescue, be helpful... feel like they are a man. So you have to play a game of sorts.

It's like fishing. lots of fish swimming around... none biting. what could be wrong. you gotta diagnose and fix.

In my personal experience, the problem was between my head and my heart. Find Christ's salvation inside of you... helps and that leads to other doors opening.

There are no guarantees, but you should have some success as you improve yourself and opportunities. I'll also say, there is spice of life out there... that is I married a Chinese/American and I'd almost no familiarity with. That has opene dup so many new adventures and it's good in so many ways. So if you see some "oddball" culture... as long as the cultural fit is good and respects/loves you, be open to it. A lot of times these people are raised with better values. Whether you like the culture is up to you. You get to pick, it's your lifes adventure!

So strap on the rocket booster and get ready for blastoff... haha!

Hey, if that doesn't work out, you can signup to be an astronaught going to the moon base... NASA is looking for candidates. lol... don't go there yet...

steveusna · Answer

First, don't worry about looks. As long as you aren't in the group of 90% of women chasing the top 10% of guys, there is a guy at your level who is interested in you. Today, with social media, women vastly overvalue themselves. These women on social media won't accept any deficiencies in a male partner but the woman brings tons of deficiencies that she expects him to overlook. You are probably a 4 out of ten give or take a point. You cannot pursue men who are 8's and 9's. Look for guys in the 3 to 6 range out of 10. I would recommend that you pursue something that you are excited about and do it well and with commitment. You decide. Nothing makes a woman more desirable than when she has a plan in action to better herself. The other thing I would say is 'be authentic.' Stop trying to be what you aren't when you go on dates. Men sniff out inauthentic behavior and will ghost you immediately. Finally , be humble. You would not believe how many woman have embarrassed themselves by trying to impress me with stupid stuff.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

I deal with this. I often times feel empty instead. What makes most people emotional I feel nothing for. Because of that most people do not understand me. I finally found a partner that understands me allows me to take me time and grow. I've been told my whole life I'm beautiful I don't see it. I've had to build up my confidence. Some might call me cocky now, that's okay I didn't feel this way so I'm enjoying it. I'm kind of antisocial. I prefer my own company over others. I am a whole lot of woman. I'm very opinionated, I have zero filter. So a lot of people are offended by me. I have few friends because of this. You need to find someone who accepts you on your bad days as much as they accept you on your good days. If they neglect that leave the situation. As badly as it feels its the right thing to do. I was settling for just anyone that would accept me and that's just not good enough for me

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

I used to feel this way, mainly cause growing up, I was the only one who wasn't dating around. It really got to me. When i found out a guy liked me I immediately went all in, started dating him and making all the first moves. That went on for two years.

The other night he texted me saying that I've been on his mind ever since we broke up, which was four months ago. He kinda begged me to take him back. That wouldn't have happened if i just... waited for someone to approach me. I'm afraid you've just gotta make moves in life

HawkPerception · Answer

First off... why do you think guys should be simps and chase you? Secondly, look deep into within and ask yourself... "What do I have to offer? Am I the type of person a guy would love to be with? Am I physically attractive? Do I have a personality that's definitely going to be a plus in my partner's life? Am I intelligent? Am I thoughtful?"

Girls that are entitled and expect men to chase them aren't the types of women that guys want to be with. Not the mature guys that have any self value.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I see more and more comments like this and I’m starting to think women don’t really understand what interests men. Being attractive gets a guys attention but most women are at least moderately attractive. It’s important, but it’s also a superficial layer that won’t get you into a relationship. I wouldn’t even consider a relationship with a girl that didn’t share the majority of my politics, religion and health views. You also need to have a life that is more than school/work and going to the bars or clubs. I want a girl that has hobbies, preferably creative or outdoors activities she legitimately enjoys doing. You’re only 20, so you have a lot of time. Most men your age are probably trying to get on their own feet, especially in this economy, so the dating market is probably pretty slim to begin with.

Mariena_Anne92 · Answer

With me, i always likes the one who don’t like me back or who have commitment issue or emotional unavailable 😂 the one who’s chasing me like crazy, i don’t trust them. Like why? Why u like me that much. Im not even that special, must have hidden agenda. Weird right. The one that shows so much interest scares me. Especially the love bombing type. I wanna marry you, be with you , have baby with you bla bla. I think it’s creepy and makes me wonder, what’s the catch?

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I often wonder why no woman has never had an interest truly in me, after all, while there's been women did give off vibes they *may* be intrigued by me, other times, it's like one day they were hot for me, any other time after that, cold or neutral. lol. I guess I'll never know lol, how into my 30s, I'd rather just focus on my own enjoyments and ongoing

Anonymous · Answer

You are 20. The boys around your age, are not (for the most part) interested in relationships. They want sex. They will tolerate a relationship if it means they get sex.

It's got nothing to do with you. There is nothing wrong or uniquely different about you.

Boys are what they are.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

We are living in crazy times for sure. I am certain there are guys who are interested in you but they are likely to nervous to approach. You can thank feminist and other ladies who regularly brutally reject guys.

Try approaching a guy, it doesn't have to be a big deal. Make small talk a few times than ask if he wound like to grab a cup of coffee.

Paul09 · Answer

My number one advice is keep working on yourself. Keek becoming a better version of yourself. Never stop learning about yourself. Pick up hobbies , activities, sports. Join groups with your interests. And remember you are both grown adults, no one needs to chase anyone, no one needs to play mind games, so the others can't figure out what you really want from them. That said, people are complicated, they don't even know what they want. You are young, you worry too much.

Anonymous · Answer

2 reasons a woman gets overlooked by men

1. She's emotionally unavailable.

2. She's punching above her weight.

Now all you need to do is determine which one it is. Based on you question is seems to lead towards emotionally unavailable. But since I don't know you I can't say for sure.

boggboss · Answer

Without knowing you who u ho for and how u date its near impossible to answer what effort do u put in when trying to attract guys or what signals do u put out that u are attracted to guys

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Men definitely respond better to outgoing women, but I also want to say that you are definitely not alone. Most people, both women and men, feel the same way as you.

sheikalana · Answer

You're still young. At your age a lot of guys won't yet be interested in having a long-term relationship and rather have something casual. Be patient and do not rush when you meet someone you like.

JacobJordan · Answer

Femininity is what makes a guy stay plain and simple

DextroShade · Answer

It could be many reasons: maybe you are annoying or give off roast beef vibes. Most likely you are just going for men who are out of your league while ignoring or friend-zoning the men you actually qualify for.

Why is it that I never had a guy truly interested in me?

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