Search Results: she was raised not to show her love

I probably asked a billion questions about this before, but I can't make up my mind even though I've been thinking about this since May.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to languages. I'm confident at writing English since I can form the sentences in my head before writing, but when I try to do the same with speaking, I stutter and (combined with my bad accent caused by lack of practice), I feel so fucking stupid. Like a beginner. It feels horrible because I gave this language 3 years of my life.

I want to start a new language but my self-confidence is %0. I'm scared that people will talk to me and get mad or laugh when I don't understand.

I just came back from an holiday. I asked an old British lady at our hotel for a pencil and she showed me her passport! I sound THAT bad. And when she was complaining about her dirty room to the receptionist who barely spoke English, I proceeded to translate for her. The thing was, I could only understand about %65 of what she said. I understand plain accents much better. He said "Yeah, I know that" in a mocking tone when I translated. I stopped, but when he didn't understand he opened Google Translate (duh!) and said "What? You were translating a minute ago?". That ruined my confidence completely.

So, I want to learn a language but you can't jump from beginner to fluent and it scares me. For some reason, Chinese felt more... relaxed when I looked at ways to learn it.

I know that the best language for a person to learn changes according to their future plans. Let me tell you mine. I'm Turkish, raised in Istanbul, 14-years-old, and not a Muslim. My plan A is going to Europe (I am aware of racism, don't talk about it) and working for a charity—maybe United Nations/UNHCR? I also LOVE Sweden and would take a chance to live there if it was given. Whatever my career is, it will be about helping people, especially LGBT. I may move to an underdeveloped country like Sub-Saharan Africa or India.