Why We Should Go Back to the Family

[KhaysunDei]

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.

- Anthony Brandt.

Being raised up in a traditional Asian background, family was very much important to me. I loved my family above everyone else, and I always tried my best in school to please my parents. I also became very much like a combination of my parents and grandmother without really knowing it - I inherited my mother's determination and piety, my father's intelligence and humor, and also my grandmother's class and tact. Things weren't easy, of course. We've had our ups and downs, but happiness encouraged us and hardships strengthened us - we all learned together.

My teachers very much liked me because I was very discipline, and I always treated them with respect and sincerity. Other kids, however, were usually more rowdy and harder to control; some of them never really took school seriously. Actually, having just said that, I realize this reflects how much their parents were devoted to them. Teachers are in a very similar position to the parents.

I actually think that most interpersonal problems have their roots in the family. If you can't love your family, how can you love anyone else? Blood is thicker than water no matter how you look at it. You can bury your family in your work, your love, your children, whatever, but it will always come back to haunt you. Of course, there are dire circumstances like when the parents are abusive or negligent. But even then, you should always make a lesson out of it: Never be like them and create the family you dreamed of.

Traditional Vietnamese families always emphasize duty in helping the family out and loyalty to one's parents as though it ought to be instinctive. Right now, I am in Vietnam, and I have noticed something very different compared to the West. There are no begging, homeless people. Everyone works unless they are seriously disabled (which I have not yet seen). They make work out of everything; there's always something to do. Whether it's working for their country, friends, or family through selling fish, transporting packages on motorbikes, or sweeping the streets, they're always working their hardest.

"Society itself is the aggregated structure of family units. Individuals are very temporary as planetary factors—only families are continuing agencies in social evolution. The family is the channel through which the river of culture and knowledge flows from one generation to another.

While religious, social, and educational institutions are all essential to the survival of cultural civilization, the family is the master civilizer. A child learns most of the essentials of life from his family and the neighbors. ~ The Urantia Book"

Say "I love you and thank you for raising me" to your parents. Trust me, it will mean a lot even if they don't show it.

[circlebill]

This was an excellent take! It's a much needed "back to basics" concept that is becoming lost in a tide of selfish individualism. The family is the basis of everything we may hope to become or achieve. It is the base that brings us into life and nurtures us up to some level of possible self-sufficiency.

The "family" concept extends far beyond to form the actual basis of ALL human potential! The building blocks of humanity are:

1. BIRTH FAMILY - Parents who cooperate to raise their children.
2. CLAN - Relatives (by blood or marriage) who cooperate for mutual benefit.
3. TRIBE - A larger grouping of unrelated Clans who cooperate for mutual benefit.
4. NATION - Two or more Tribes that cooperate together for mutual benefit.

Every time we stray from the concept of "Family", we multiply our troubles and suffering at every level! Most of our human problems at every level come down to selfish individuals who don't care about others. The principles given in your take are the keys to a better world! Thanks for sharing!

[inamorata]

Feminism degraded our families. They are dysfunctional and falling apart left and right because mothers think they aren't worth anything unless they become fathers.
So they half ass his job as women, lose love for him because he now seems useless to them and they grow tired and insecure and then leave him 50% of the time.
Children grow up in a family with no father and a mother who thinks she's a father. What do you think we'll grow up to be?

Americans spent ages trying to figure out why Japanese school system does better than theirs. They imitated it for years until they finally realized it's the nurturing of the stay-at-home mothers set as support to be able to handle stress, and the hard work of fathers set as example, that guides young people to outperform American students by a long shot.

Feminism destroyed our family, thus our support network. It's up to the younger generations to wake up as soon as possible and fight to stop it from completely taking over.

[KhaysunDei]

Then take a lesson: Don't ever be like them. Even if you have to earn the bread for the family, come home everyday and treat your family with absolute love and devotion. Shame your bitch of a wife into doing the same.

[KhaysunDei]

WOOOOOAAAHHH WAIT A MINUTE, I thought you were a guy sorry sorry sorry.

[KhaysunDei]

forget everything I just said in the first comment.

[inamorata]

Hehehe. xD
Will do. ^^

[KhaysunDei]

I agree with everything you said though, and I know why feminism is so persistent in the USA - capitalism. Even though I am a hardcore capitalist till death, it seems to have made your average American woman sort of... lustful for adventure if you know what I mean. She will never be satisfied with what she has but she fails to realize this:

When you light the path for others, you light your own.

So if she were 100% devoted to her husband, she would be upgrading herself instead of just ditching him with 4 kids.

[KhaysunDei]

Funny though, I had a single mother professor just this semester... Wonder how she would've reacted if I just blasted her with what she's doing wrong, XD. I liked her class though.

[inamorata]

I don't know if it's capitalism only. Countries that are most capitalistic, those shark-economies aren't most feminist. Like say America, there is less feminism there than...
Most feminist places are places with most prosperity (and they have lost of "socialism"). For example rich European countries like Iceland, Norway, Switzerland have over 60% divorce rate!

Feminism is nonfunctional idiocy. Only rich people can afford stupid useless things. And feminism is one of them. It takes over when PROSPERITY comes to a country.

Even Japan which is loyal to its tradition has hordes of emasculated men who can't lead their families and act dominant to attract women. That's why Japan is dying (young generations are more feminist and not hooking up), even if it has a firm traditional family unit that should bring a stable family unit.

[KhaysunDei]

hm... that's super interesting. It seems like we're becoming more and more materialistic minded. I would assume very religious people have little or no divorce.

[KhaysunDei]

My mother absolutely hates my father, and she's been at it for 20 years now. The only reason why she's still with him is because of her children and also because she is very spiritual (although things are going much better for both of them now)

[inamorata]

For such hate to erupt there has to be a dysfunction in a family, my mum is the same and even I originally grew up in a more "traditional" culture. Like I said just traditional culture pressure is not enough for a happy family, look at Japan. Guys need to be taught to lead their families properly and girl need to be taught the value of femininity.

[KhaysunDei]

That's a good idea. I really think there should be classes for this sort of stuff since most people overlook it and don't take it seriously enough.

[inamorata]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNhlN-e-nq0
Look at this video. This is a perfect example of what I mean.
The man in it is a westerner with balls. He is open, stands up for what he believes in, etc. But he comes from an emasculating culture which would not let him be a leader in his family and would demonise him if he employed his skills for that purpose.
On the other hand, all these Japanese guys are passive, submissive and internally emasculated by their culture, but their culture is still traditional and will send their women to the kitchen for them. (though since the Japs are passive and emasculated, they still can't lead their families, just like the westerner can't because feminism tells him that's evil)

Not saying there is no opposite people in both cultures, but this is a stereotypical example.

[KhaysunDei]

Um... I saw a little bit of the video and that's really messed up...

[KhaysunDei]

This reminds me so much of how Japan treated China and Korea during its Imperial phase, and they just freaking put it under the carpet. No wonder China and Korea are so pissed off.

[inamorata]

I was talking about social skill and attitude alone. Not the content. ^^'

[KhaysunDei]

Thank god I didn't watch it all (#^.^#)

[CityBoy773]

This is so true for good families that are actually families. But for those who were raised in dysfunctional ones like mines, this is not even close to true. I'll say I love you, cause I do, but I won't say "thank you for raising me" because I mostly raised myself. Every moment that a child learns through family, I learned through observation and people not related to me, but considered family.

Its at a sad point now where my friends are closer to me than my blood family. I honestly think loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness make up a family, not blood. Blood just makes you good donors to each other.

If there's one good thing I learned from them that will carry with me throughout life, its the consequences of certain things in life. How actually going to college will matter, why I should wait and marry before popping out kids, why I will graduate high school, why I should get a license and a car, take care of myself, stay healthy, keep credit clean, etc. These are not things I learned from seeing the good in all that. I learned from seeing the terrible consequences of it all.

[jacquesvol]

@CityBoy773
Indeed, the 'family' can be just a nice idea. It can also be hell or nothing at all.
I'm not sure there are that many ideal families.
Friends can be chosen.

[jacquesvol]

I got my master's degree despite my family.

[CityBoy773]

I like the fact that I can choose my friends. The friends I have are great people and I love my buddies. I was raised where you are pretty much on your own, so I am very loyal and will protect my friends when the time comes, fuck being on your own.

[Anonymous]

Family is very important. My wife stayed at home and raised our three kids. I did my part by bringing in more money than even two people. My kids are doing great and we are very happy. I can see that there will be a resurgence of extended families as the economy struggles. 100 years ago grandparents, parents and children lived together. That is happening again but may not last. So many F'ed up families though caused by poor choices and selfish people but the people in them will blame others for their failure or demand that others take care of them and their kids, pathetic.

[genuinlysensitive]

I think you are right and that many things good and bad come from family, especially parents. The only thing is people in the west are so obsessed with "Let them live their life however they want." that they are afraid to criticize, or even suggest that there might be a better way.

[boatfullofpeace]

I especially like that you wrote "Of course, there are dire circumstances like when the parents are abusive or negligent. But even then, you should always make a lesson out of it: Never be like them and create the family you dreamed of."
For those of us in dysfunctional families, that is good advice. Family leaves permanent impressions on us. Whether they are negative or positive impressions, they can always be turned into a positive lesson or put to good use. Great take!

[Eternallylucky]

Thanks for the article. I do agree family's important because it's what holds the glue. Without it there would be chaos and dross everywhere. I don't understand why people have families when they don't like kids or are interested in having a family unit. It just ruins the future of the next generation.

[abundantlyrich]

I might take a peek into this Urantia book one day :)

Family's a good thing as long as we can afford to have kids and they are here because we want to REAR them and have TIME for them. I don't really see a lot of quality families anymore. People tend to have them because of stupid reasons like when they turn 30, their parents want them to make babies and because everyone's having them.

Two or three kids are ok. Four or more is disastrous.

[Klara-Hitler]

This should be promoted for weeks and weeks :) instead of some childish rants about body and weight that I see everyday appearing on the side of the site.

[KhaysunDei]

Oh, don't worry, I have plenty of myTakes just waiting to be written out! I already made one titled "How to tell a person from their eyes" just yesterday.

[Klara-Hitler]

that is nice.

[bananatossing]

Spot on response!

[Klara-Hitler]

@bananatossing thanks :)

[Primrose]

I am surprised you are saying there is not begging on the streets because I was in vietnam for 3 weeks and traveled the coast. There were so many children begging and I got chased by them at once with my uncle and sister. Has it changed that much in 8 years?

[KhaysunDei]

Yes, it has. Even the disabled and crippled work on custom bikes to sell stuff.

[KhaysunDei]

And it really depends on where you are, but I assume you are a foreigner so many people will follow you.

[KhaysunDei]

And I will be here for 1.5 months.

[WhatTheHellAmy]

Well, I would like to think that family is the most important thing in the world, sadly my parents got divorced, and for me, my family is totally broken. I think about myself before I think about my family, I know that the day I live by my own I won't try to miss, I will try to hold my tears if I want to cry, because for me, there is no turning, not even for family. I'm only after success, and many times, family stops you.

[Keyspirits]

Ofcourse! Ur poosy buddys won't die for u '-' only ur family will die for u cuz y'all live and grow to together through thick and thin. Their is no bond stronger than your own family. If u become friends woth meh, i leave that Asian boi little butt behind but if it was ma little bro, i'd put ma deek on the line for him 😎
tinypic.com/view.php?pic=10newiq&s=8#.VWfkJX1HbCQ

[bananatossing]

Great take man! Love and union in the family is definitely the most important thing we must work on in our life, seriously. If we let media and other people destroy our family core then what's going to be for the rest of our lives? Work your relationship with your wife/husband, work on your children's values and education and you'll be realized by the end of the day.

[muspelhem_5]

That depends on your family. There is no reason to put your family on a pedestal, especially if it is dysfunctional. Sure, try to make it work, but don't waste your life on ungrateful people that don't do you good.

Disclaimer: My family is pretty decent. Pretty great a lot of the time, actually :)

[Anonymous]

Why we should stop telling other people how to live their life

images.forbes.com/.../0214_sad-beach_400x280.jpg

Because blood is 92% water

[KhaysunDei]

You can live your life in whatever way you want, I am a firm believer in capitalism or every man for himself. But what sort of life do you want to live, I ask you?

[KhaysunDei]

And your goddamn, dumb fact didn't even disprove anything of mines. Blood is STILL thicker than water.

[Opinion Owner]

You have NO sense of humour jeez... how lame.

Yeah, but not that much thicker. If family is shit, there is no reason to respect it or try to keep it together.

Also my life is my business.

[KhaysunDei]

Obviously, you don't know how sarcasm works on the internet if you were trying to use it. Anyways, good for you.

[KhaysunDei]

"If family is shit, there is no reason to respect it or try to keep it together."

I'll quote what I said in my article:

"But even then, you should always make a lesson out of it: Never be like them and create the family you dreamed of."

Of course, you could always reproduce the same shitty family and have it continue for who knows how long. It's your life.

[Opinion Owner]

You obviously have no idea how internet works. You should learn how to detect sarcasm, trolling and whining humourless people.

But what I said had nothing to do with building a shitty family. Ofcourse you can learn from it and be different. My opinion does not block that. But if your family is shit (abuse, yelling etc.) Just leave and let go. Then go build your own family and don't repeat same mistakes. Duh

[KhaysunDei]

I don't see how my opinion was any different from yours so why the "I'm so mighty and better than you" act huh? Drop it already, you're impressing no one.

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha, just read you previous comments. And trust me, that didn't impress anyone either.

[KhaysunDei]

Okay...

[Anonymous]

Women in the west don't care about family, not really--they're worried about being "fulfilled" and successful. Maybe through a career. Or maybe by using "family" as a benchmark or tool for fulfillment. They don't understand familial love today. Too selfish, too Self-absorbed.

Not that men are much better. But given it's women who have control over family life, marriage, and divorce, it falls on them.

[KhaysunDei]

Then take a lesson: Don't ever be like them. Even if you have to earn the bread for the family, come home everyday and treat your family with absolute love and devotion. Shame your lazy wife into doing the same.

[jacquesvol]

The idea of going 'back to the family' originated in a primitive agricultural society without social security.

The economic function of the family was replaced by hired labor, health care insurance and retirement pension. still has this role in most 3d. world countries.

[jacquesvol]

@KhaysunDei A good take!

[FakeName123]

The family unit is also meant to offer emotional stability as well as the expression of affection and love - something which a state can't offer in the same sense.

[jacquesvol]

Emotional stability and love are now transferred to the household

[jacquesvol]

It would be interesting to know if the possibility of returning to the parental family didn't make men more prone to cheat.

[Phoenix98]

Family like god is the alpha and omega the beginning and end, all things begin and end with those two things.

[PippiL]

They really are the most important thing in the world!

[Shutupman]

What about the overpopulation? Besides what is important depends on what culture you are from.
I do not believe that blood is what binds people, there are friends of mine who I trust more and regard better then members of my own family. But I do respect your view!

[KhaysunDei]

How is this related to overpopulation?

[Shutupman]

Starting families --> more children --> bigger growth of the human population

[KhaysunDei]

Is that suppose to be a problem?

[Shutupman]

Uh yeah, that is a big problem :p there are already too many humans on this planet

[KhaysunDei]

Okay, I am very lazy right now and this is going to take a lot of effort on my part to explain to you what I mean. So I will give you a choice:

1) You are to be open minded and read everything I will write out to you explaining why overpopulation is NOT a problem

OR

2) You forget everything and move on with your day.

Which will it be?

[Shutupman]

1, I'm always open for a logical debate :)

[KhaysunDei]

Here is what I am assuming you think why overpopulation is a problem:
Overpopulation = more humans = more resources consumed = less resources = more wars = bad

At the more humans part, you link the family as I have presented. There is a misunderstanding: having a good family does NOT mean a bigger family. It means a better family, better people who can better serve society so the problems of "overpopulation" will be solved more easily. Wouldn't you rather have more smart people than more dumb people?

[Shutupman]

You assumed correct, and I do agree with : "having a good family does NOT mean a bigger family. It means a better family ". However I do not believe that someone who doesn't regard a family as important as other values equals them being a bad contribution to society if that is what you were implying. Most ambitous people don't have much of a family life yet can contribute to amazing things for our society. Ofcourse there are also those who do not acomplish much.

[KhaysunDei]

I will tell you a story:

There were once two brothers. One brother was always drunk and loved beating up his family for fun. The other brother was a very successful man and loved his family dearly. A man asked them why are they like that. The first brother said that his father was a drunk who loved to beat his family so the first brother can't help but follow in his father's footsteps. The second brother said that his father was a drunk who loved to beat up his family so the second brother swore that he would never be like that.

[Shutupman]

yes and your point being is?
I didn't have a good childhood either, dysfunctional family and shit. Me and my sister we are nothing like our parents because we choose to, is that what you were trying to point out?

[KhaysunDei]

Yes, yes.

[KhaysunDei]

And my story has everything to do with "Most ambitous people don't have much of a family life yet can contribute to amazing things for our society."

[Shutupman]

there are always execptions, etc. ofcourse their are people who got a good job and a family. But more often then not being really succesfull and contributing to society means you won't have much time left for a family. It doesn't make them bad, it's their choice. Besides here in Europe we abide by a different culture that is more directed at the individual. In the south it's more about the 'us-culture' I don't believe neither of them are better or worse. It's just different. I don't have any problems with the culture we have here.

[KhaysunDei]

You know, young people are flocking to the USA because of the limitless potential to climb the social ladder right? The USA receives an incredible proportion of all the world's scientists, inventors, researchers, you name it. Not to mention, the population growth in Europe (at least in the West-North socialist countries) is very, very low compared to the States. This has everything to do with the family. Read the quote I got from the Urantia Book.

[KhaysunDei]

Oh yeah, don't forget it's the USA that is fcking the world's ass while its little European cousins sit on the sidelines.

[Shutupman]

I do not know much about the States, or I don't know the actual numbers involved, haven't read articles about it so I can't say much about that. But when it comes to Europe the reason why the population growth is low, is because people start a family way later then in most places in the world. Quality over quantity, the kids here get a good education, learn that it is very important to have a good degree, a good job and then perhaps a family. The States is regarded as a place where your dreams can come true, sure. But I feel like here in Europe it's more about quality once again. Getting an educated in Europe is way more benefitial then nearly anywhere else.

[Shutupman]

How is USA better then Europe? They are both very different.

[bananatossing]

Man don't listen to this girl, she lost her shit definitely. How come overpopulation is due to families? The connections you are making don't make any sort of sense. Have you visited third world countries? Overpopulation, if anything, is caused by unsafe sex. There are more and more babies coming out unwanted, due to casual sex and not from committed relationships.

[KhaysunDei]

@bananatossing yeah you're right, and you girl, I am done talking with you. That was my last act of patience back there.

[James-ice]

Sadly overpopulation is a problem, we can't deny that fact.

[Azara]

community is more important than family and more important to family than family is too family. without community you're screwed:)

[KhaysunDei]

Wrong, families make up communities. Imagine a community without families and you get Lord of the Flies - anarchy.

[jacquesvol]

@Azara
Many people I know were seriously screwed by their family.

[ClauseViter]

I fucking despise my family. I mean don't get me wrong I love them. I just can't be around them.

[KhaysunDei]

Leave them and create a better family.

[ClauseViter]

That's the plan.

[KhaysunDei]

I believe in you :)

[ClauseViter]

Thanks pal. My fam will be dope. There will be a strict no bitching policy. My house will be peaceful af.