Search Results: love at old age

The story is quite big but I'll try my best to sum it up in just a few lines. Hope you guys can understand.
So there's this woman (let's name her Lilly) who is actually my next door neighbor. She's actually 7 years older than me, lol and she also got a brother who's the same age as me. So talking about Lilly. She's a beautiful woman with a killer smile and a fantastic personality. But like everyone else, she also got her own demons and fair share of past traumas. Even though she struggles with anxiety, adhd and other issues, she's the most resilient and determined woman I've ever seen. A true fighter! She's ambitious, driven and passionate about her work and... Yea... I could actually go on and on but... let's just get to the story.
So around this time last year, we started talking through insta. I mean... I always saw as a sister only tbh. So whenever I'd find some funny reels, I'd send it to her along with my own sister who is actually 10 years older than and also a really good friend of Lilly. Time passed by... sending reels and good night messages kinda became a tradition between us. We bonded really quickly and like she'd say... We vibed! I told myself that I think I got a best friend with whom I can share anything. And she also shared some of her biggest secrets with me too. I was slowly falling for her without even realizing that myself cos in my head I've always limited our relationship to just "friends". Long story short, we both fell in love with each other. We did go through an on and off phase in between cos we didn't want anyone to know about us especially our family members cos we come from different religious and cultural backgrounds plus, the age gap. I know it's 21st century and we should have an open mind and all but we r just afraid of losing our loved ones. So we mutually decided to end it cos it was hurting both of us and now after she's gone, there's not a single day I don't miss her and cry. And it's slowly killing me from inside. I can't...

This is what I am seeking in a woman:

• Ideally between the ages of 18 and 27 (although she can be slightly older if most or all other criteria match. 18 is the lowest because, of course, going any lower runs many risks legally and ethically, not because I don't want to per say)
• A REAL woman, not a transgender
• Ultimately desires marriage and a family (marriage doesn't have to occur immediately of course)
• Of course, desires to fall in love and have a romantic bond (not aromantic)
• Willing and able to bond via sex (not asexual)
• We are each other's first loves (she has no previous romantic bonds with a guy/never been in love... I am not talking strictly about virginity here)
• 5+/10 rank in physical attractiveness (a beautiful woman is a bonus, but not at all a deal breaker. She can be average in attractiveness... also I know this is subjective, but I am being general)
• Not black (I just never really was attracted to black women)
• Doesn't do drugs and is not an alcoholic

Some very desirable bonuses but NOT hardline deal breakers:

• She is a Christian
• She is white
• Has a good family background

About ME:

• I am 27, turning 28 in a few months
• I have never had a real girlfriend
• I have a decently good-paying job as a frontend software developer
• I currently live at home, but seeking independence when I can
• I am 5'6" in height
• I am average looking at best
• I own a decent car and a Class A RV
• I am very affectionate with women if given an opportunity
• I want to get married and have a family one day
• I am monogamous

Well, what do you think?

Growing up, I was a major outcast and suffered with a lot of severe mental health issues. I had interests that were obsessive and unusual, such as an interest in fire alarms, phone systems, and intercoms. I missed a lot of school due to mental health reasons that required hospitalization and residential treatment. I hardly fit in with anyone at school, and girls especially didn't pay any attention to me. I was also (and still am) short in height at 5'6". I missed a lot of developmental milestones that I reap today.

I was never athletic in school. I was not involved in sports really. I was, however, involved in boy scouts up to age 16 and transitioned into the fire explorer programs.

Socially, I have always struggled. I was hoping adulthood would be better, but it turned out to be worse and a nightmare.

I am 27, almost 28, and I never had a real girlfriend. My absolute biggest regret that kills me to this day is not experiencing young romance. I so wish I was able to form those memories with a girl when I was young who was around my age.

It wasn't until I was around 19 when I had my first kiss with this girl I found repulsive to me. I tried dating her, but it just didn't feel right. She just was not attractive to me.

Also, there was this girl named Izzy that was around 15 when I was 18. Although we cuddled and I kissed her, she became a transgender man and resents me. There is no going back there.

When I was 20, I lost my virginity to another 16 year old girl during a weekend fling. She did not want anything to do with me romantically after that. In fact, I was convicted of stalking because of her (long story).

After that, all I have had is online things with girls where they rejected me upon meeting me in person because I was unattractive to them.

I haven't touched a girl in 7 years. Meanwhile, all my peers and former friends I have known are married and have kids.

I want a woman without a romantic past where we can be each other's first loves.