Is there any glimpse of hope left?


Growing up, I was a major outcast and suffered with a lot of severe mental health issues. I had interests that were obsessive and unusual, such as an interest in fire alarms, phone systems, and intercoms. I missed a lot of school due to mental health reasons that required hospitalization and residential treatment. I hardly fit in with anyone at school, and girls especially didn't pay any attention to me. I was also (and still am) short in height at 5'6". I missed a lot of developmental milestones that I reap today.

I was never athletic in school. I was not involved in sports really. I was, however, involved in boy scouts up to age 16 and transitioned into the fire explorer programs.

Socially, I have always struggled. I was hoping adulthood would be better, but it turned out to be worse and a nightmare.

I am 27, almost 28, and I never had a real girlfriend. My absolute biggest regret that kills me to this day is not experiencing young romance. I so wish I was able to form those memories with a girl when I was young who was around my age.

It wasn't until I was around 19 when I had my first kiss with this girl I found repulsive to me. I tried dating her, but it just didn't feel right. She just was not attractive to me.

Also, there was this girl named Izzy that was around 15 when I was 18. Although we cuddled and I kissed her, she became a transgender man and resents me. There is no going back there.

When I was 20, I lost my virginity to another 16 year old girl during a weekend fling. She did not want anything to do with me romantically after that. In fact, I was convicted of stalking because of her (long story).

After that, all I have had is online things with girls where they rejected me upon meeting me in person because I was unattractive to them.

I haven't touched a girl in 7 years. Meanwhile, all my peers and former friends I have known are married and have kids.

I want a woman without a romantic past where we can be each other's first loves.

Select gender and age to cast your vote:
10 mo
Continuing on, I had an online thing with this girl named Rachel. She was a devout Catholic who was homeschooled in a rural farm town in Illinois. She was the eldest of 6 other siblings. She never had a boyfriend or even a male friend before she met me. I anticipated on marrying her, but she rejected me upon meeting in person. I was crushed and still devistated till this day, especially because she recently married another guy that got to be her first everything.
10 mo
Any feedback anyone?
Is there any glimpse of hope left?
2 Opinion