Growing up, I was a major outcast and suffered with a lot of severe mental health issues. I had interests that were obsessive and unusual, such as an interest in fire alarms, phone systems, and intercoms. I missed a lot of school due to mental health reasons that required hospitalization and residential treatment. I hardly fit in with anyone at school, and girls especially didn't pay any attention to me. I was also (and still am) short in height at 5'6". I missed a lot of developmental milestones that I reap today.
I was never athletic in school. I was not involved in sports really. I was, however, involved in boy scouts up to age 16 and transitioned into the fire explorer programs.
Socially, I have always struggled. I was hoping adulthood would be better, but it turned out to be worse and a nightmare.
I am 27, almost 28, and I never had a real girlfriend. My absolute biggest regret that kills me to this day is not experiencing young romance. I so wish I was able to form those memories with a girl when I was young who was around my age.
It wasn't until I was around 19 when I had my first kiss with this girl I found repulsive to me. I tried dating her, but it just didn't feel right. She just was not attractive to me.
Also, there was this girl named Izzy that was around 15 when I was 18. Although we cuddled and I kissed her, she became a transgender man and resents me. There is no going back there.
When I was 20, I lost my virginity to another 16 year old girl during a weekend fling. She did not want anything to do with me romantically after that. In fact, I was convicted of stalking because of her (long story).
After that, all I have had is online things with girls where they rejected me upon meeting me in person because I was unattractive to them.
I haven't touched a girl in 7 years. Meanwhile, all my peers and former friends I have known are married and have kids.
I want a woman without a romantic past where we can be each other's first loves.
