Husband in midst of 5 year affair or friendship?

[Anonymous]

I recently caught my husband talking with another woman via emails, they genuinely seemed friendly, but they spoke deeply and was more than just chit chat, as they knew and asked questions about eachothers current life situations. She calls all my children by their names, makes references to their ages, suggests things to do for thier birthday etc etc, from briefly reading this it made me search bsck to other messages as I could tell they had got to know eachother quite well. From what I found the messages began in 2017. I approached him, as a few years ago the messages got heated, they both spoke of a sexual tension, it seemed he wanted too, but couldn’t physically cheat on me, she accepted, and seems that have kept it friendly, but close ever since. When I approached him he admitted all, and kind of srugged it off as if I was making a big deal out of nothing, he says she’s an old high school friend, they were always close and reconnected a few years ago. He says there is nothing in it, that I don’t need to worry, that he loves me and would never do anything to risk his family, that she’s a friend, he cares for her but that’s it. Around Christmas I found messages of her saying she loved him, and missed him, they must of had a lack of communication over that period, he said he liked her as more than a friend and cares for her but didn’t reply that he also loved her. They have met a handful of times, He said they have cuddled, but nothing more has happened. The conversations aren’t sexual anymore, I have gone back almost a year and they seem platonic but deeply caring, somethings he has said to her I can’t see him saying to me. He’s told her in messages she has a beautiful kind heart and soul, and on one occasion after they had a falling out he told her she broke him heart. I don’t know what to make of it, he says she’s alwYs been there for him, and he needs and is entitled to have a friend like her, and that I’m acting jealous. Is he right? Or am I right to object?

[Gremlinimo]

Sigh, that's a predicament. I think you're right to object to a lot of it. You need to be able to trust him, otherwise this is going to eat away at you bit by bit, and it will affect the way you are with him, and that will change the way he is with you etc etc.

He needs to know how seriously you're taking this and how it's affecting you and your relationship. You gotta talk this out to a conclusion that you can accept, one way or another, sadly that might even mean giving him a choice.

A very close female friend is one thing, hugs, spending time... but i'm not sure about the love emotions thing. You say it seems to have turned platonic... but clearly you don't think that's enough to convince yourself that he's trustworthy.

Pick a really good time, when you both have a lot of time spare with no distractions, prepare yourself mentally for it, keep calm and talk with your heart. Don't jump to conclusions, and don't get personal about her. It might indeed be innocent now, at least on his part, so you gotta keep an open mind.

I really hope you can sort this.

[Guy13]

It seems like more than friendship to me. She already is showing an infinity to his children...

[Asker]

What do you mean infidelity to our children? Thank for the reply

[Guy13]

it says infinity not infidelity

[Gremlinimo]

Oh dude i think it's "Affinity" ... a connection to?
Sorry if i'm wrong :)

[LazerBean]

You're husband is an idiot. If he cared about her so much he shouldn't have married you and married her instead. That said, I don't really know what the answer to the situation is. Perhaps ask him to put himself in your shoes to see how he would feel, and then do what he would want you to do if the roles were reversed.

[LazerBean]

Your*

Using voice text, sorry

[Agagagagaga]

He’s an idiot because he reconnected with an old friend from high school after getting married, and he’s such an idiot he’s managed to keep from fucking her too!

God what a dumbass!

[LazerBean]

And anyone who disagrees is either a hypocrite or a cuck who doesn't mind his wife talking about sex with another man, and sneaking out to meet and cuddle with him behind his back 😉

[Asker]

How long can he keep from anything happening though is the question I ask myself, it seems it’s only a matter of time…. And is sex the part for most people that is a definite cross of the line. If I voice this with him he says he would never do this to me, but I’m unsure due to the sheer fact I know just how fond he is of her, and she is attractive unfortunately.

[joeldalton]

This is certainly a gray area. Do you feel it's wrong for him to have intimate conversations with another person? Is it only because it's a woman? Is it the cuddling? Where's the part that crosses a line in your mind?

[Asker]

She seems to offer good advice, she speaks nicely of me and my children, and wishes us well etc, I think it just hurts that they have such a strong connnection and bond, they talk for hours on end and he seems to care for her deeply

[joeldalton]

Do you have friends that you have a strong bond with, talk for hours with and you care about?

[Asker]

I do yes, all female, I’m happy he has someone he can talk with, but on some occasions he tells her more than me. I found conversations dating back to him telling her I was pregnant the morning I found out, we agreed not to tell anyone and only told family and friends at 3 months, he told her when I was in hosp having the baby, and send her a photo after, I’m ok with a lot of it just how much she knows about my Children bothers me.

[Asker]

Sent *

[joeldalton]

I certainly understand your feelings. The biggest issue is that you didn't know about her prior to finding the emails. I would see how he'd react to you being 'ok' with them having that relationship, but he shouldn't keep her secret any longer. Not that you need to know every detail of their conversations, but she should know you know about her.

[Anonymous]

If those messages were from a guy, you wouldn't be worried. They are friends. If they didn't fuck 5 years ago when they felt some attraction, he chose you.

Men and women can be friends.

[Charliefretz329]

Let it go, he’s obviously doing right by you