I think mental health shouldn't be something to ignore or turn a blind eye to. Mental health affects different people in different ways. Depression can come at anyone even when the person seems like they're happy and have it all. Just because you have money, are financially stabled, have a family and everything else that you need or wanted, does not mean that you won't become depressed; people fail to realize that. Depression doesn't only occur when someone had experienced a bad childhood. This also means that nobody's perfect. depression isn't the only diagnosis in the mental health field. Since I am very familiar with depression, I'll be talking about that. Anxiety is something new to me right now.
Depression affects different people in different ways, and different people have different coping methods they use. Since I do not like to be tied down and doesn't like just doing one thing, I use different coping methods to cope with my depression. I listen to music, sing (I can't sing), play on my VR headset, play games on my Switch, and sleep. The types of music I listen to varies, since I am a multi-genre person. The kind of games I play on my headset are Walkabout Mini Golf, Beat Saber, PokerStars VR, Rec Room, and VR Chat. On my Switch, I play Splatoon 2, Help Wanted, Mortal Kombat 11, and Animal Crossing. If you want to know which headset, it'd be obvious, Meta Quest. The old name was Oculus Quest 2, then they changed it to Meta Quest. There could be more coping methods out there for me, but since I am inexperienced, I would not know for sure.
For me, depression isn't something to take lightly. I've had depression for so many years that I can physically and mentally feel it. It feels like a bad spirit is either inside or behind me, their presence on my shoulders, making me feel heavy and dreadful.
I am unsure of when my depression happened, since I was diagnosed depression so late, so there is a possibility that depression could have occurred before the age of 12.
Depression has caused me to be forgetful. I only remember bits and pieces of my childhood, two years ago, last year and most of this year. It's that bad, I know. My earliest memory is when I was 3 years old. I was sitting on the couch, drinking white milk from my bottle with a clear rubber sucker thing you suck the liquid out of and watching something on the TV, it was either Barney or Teletubbies. I recall draining my milk from my bottle, got off the couch, walked to the kitchen, wanting more milk in my bottle. I opened the fridge, grabbed the skinny milk jug, opened my bottle and pour the milk in my bottle, spilling droplets of milk on the counter. My mother was in there as well. I forgot exactly what she was doing. Maybe she was on the phone? Anyway, I put the top back on the bottle and milk jug, put the milk jug back into the fridge and walked back to the living room, sat on the couch and drank my milk while watching TV. There were times where I forget how old I was in a memory. It felt like I just lived my life in a blur, and it didn't really feel like I was actually living it.
Since I was 5 years old, I've been verbally abused by my stepdad. This has caused me to not know how to make the appropriate facial expressions, not react to anything, becoming unfazed by most things and later, detachment is where I can turn it on and off like a switch.
During my childhood, at the age of 7, I've overdosed for who knows how many times on my mother's diabetic pills. When I was 5, I fell in love with the man who r-ped me and I still wished he was around for my selfish reason. I've engaged in incest around ages 5-7 and 17. When I was 3, my good stepdad died. Getting from my aunt (my good stepdad's sister), he still saw me as his child, knowing that I wasn't his. I was 12 and 16 years old when my stepdad (my mom's current husband) told me that my stepdad before him, his sister isn't my aunt. On that, I still called her "Auntie" and "Mama" because she was both to me. She was here for me even after her brother died. Later, just like I did, found out that her brother wasn't my dad. She still considers me as her niece and daughter. She has been the ONLY mother figure in my life. She and her second-born daughter helped me with my recent prom and high school graduation because my mom couldn't do that; she always puts her needs first. She will tell me that she doesn't have any money and will still tell me that even after she had paid her bills. Lately, we were struggling with food, and one morning, I asked her if she could buy me some food in that morning because she knows how I am whenever I do not eat when I wake up. I know some people can go without eating anything in the morning and still function well, but the thing with me, I have to have something to eat in the morning, because if I don't, my blood sugar (I do not have sugar problems nor am I a diabetic) will be low, and after an hour or two, my body will start to shake, and I wouldn't want to do anything. This will eventually cause me to fall asleep.
My mother isn't the best mother. She isn't cruel, she just doesn't know how to be a mother. She lost her mother when she was 12 and claims that she doesn't know how to be a mother since her mother died when she was young. At first, I rest the case because I know that that can happen to adults who has children and doesn't know how to be a parent, but that does not give the parent the reason to at least try to be a good parent. This is the same with my mom's husband, except his dad wasn't there for him. They both could have taken parenting classes. The husband doesn't know how to talk to children and teens. He's a hypocrite as well. He is one of the reasons why I have depression and why I am so insecure with myself and have very low self-esteem. He has anger issues as well. As for the mother, for her other two children, ages 12(m) and 14(f), she will tell them 'no' but doesn't enforce it. She tells them 'no' and just a minute later, give them what they want. She's a hypocrite as well.
My two siblings, they looked up to me when we were little kids. I loved them and they loved me. Though, I blame myself for introducing my little sister to Musical.ly, also known as Tik Tok. Because the internet has been badly influencing her after a year of using it. She was just a child who hadn't hit her double digits yet and was starting to push me away and hate me. This, started when I was 12. Though I am very unsure if she was already like this even before I introduced her to Musical.ly. Last year, all the way to this year, she and our little brother verbally abuses me, just like their dad. There are times where I want to switch on my detachment and become a heartless person who doesn't have any siblings to think for themselves. But at the same time, I find myself caring more about my little sister rather than my little brother (since he's a real dickhead, like, no joke. He has had the cops called on him and ran from them several times). I know once I move out, me caring about her won't be as hard. I am stuck on the habit of wanting to get affection from her. Years of all of the mistreatment from both of my siblings, I can turn my detachment off like a switch. I've been ignoring every constant insult from them.
My little sister told me that she loves me, this year. She doesn't show it, nor does she act like she does. As for my little brother, I wish I could ship him off to Egypt. I could use a couple of years free of his presence. My sister and I do not speak to each other often, even though we live in the same house. The less interactions we had, was just seeing each other and not saying a word to each other. I don't bother her. Though, when she fucks with some shit of mine and starts to destroy it, I'll fight her, because I have more attachment to my things and is really overprotective about them. She triggers me, she had it coming. Every time it happens, mom always blames me. For what? She started with me by destroying my shit. If I don't release that anger, it leads to me physically hurting myself.
All of these things... Depression makes me so fed up with others. I think I am one of the people where depression makes me possessive of objects and triggers violence whenever someone destroys that object. Before, I wouldn't do anything but be upset. Now, I am just completely done with anyone whoever touches my stuff.
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