Search Results: playing me

I feel a bit like I’ve been scammed because my old guitar teacher just confused me a bit and wasn’t very clear how he was explaining stuff, then would get a bit annoyed if I took a guitar lesson off someone else, he’d say “you’ll just confuse yourself if you take lessons or advice off other people.. they don’t know the angle we’re coming from”. But then he’d say “there’s no secret to playing guitar, it’s just hard work and focus” but then he’d say “I’ll let you in on a secret that professional guitarists use…” so it seems like he contradicts himself and doesn’t explain stuff that well maybe.

It’s really weird because all his other students say how great he is and how he’s really helping them, but I don’t get that. He’s had some very successful guitarists as students and they all say he’s helped them… but what he says to me is all wishy washy nonsense or at least he doesn’t explain things very well. Then my college lecturer on my music class explains stuff and it all makes sense to me. I dunno, I feel a bit taken advantage of by that guitar teacher, like his quality of teaching was purposely bad so I’d get more lessons. I also feel a lot of anxiety when I pick up guitar now so it seems like getting lessons with him has lowered my self esteem somehow. I feel a bit like I’m going crazy but can’t pinpoint why.
and I don’t get why he chose ME to do this to? I’ve been told I’m fairly intelligent and learn things easily so maybe he feels threatened by that and wants to slow my progress down so I get more lessons? I also felt a lot of anxiety around him like he’s judging me harshly. He’d also say “I think you know more than you think you do” and he’d keep going over the same topics again… and claiming that I don’t fully understand basic stuff… I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️

He keeps a certain amount of distance between me and him… he follows back all his other students on instagram but never followed me back (and I unfollowed him).

He flirts with me, gets mad when I like someone else, and expects me to only take guitar advice off him and his mate… he got a bit mad when I post on Facebook asking about guitar/musician related stuff and then he always texts to say stop looking on Facebook, other people don’t know what they’re talking about (true, but there’s some good advice on there too). Also during guitar lessons if I mentioned I had a lesson with someone else or took advice from someone else he’d say “you’ll only confuse yourself if you listen to other people’s advice, they don’t know the angle that we’re coming from” but then he will say something that completely contradicts “there’s no secret to learning guitar, it’s all just hard work and focus” but then he makes it out to be some wishy-washy thing like there’s an inner circle of musicians who know the secrets to playing… I feel like I’m going crazy. Then another guitarist explains something to me in such a simple way (his friend) and I understand it better. Is he trying to confuse me and undermine my confidence so I get more lessons with him?
Really strange because all his other students say how great he is and how he’s really helped them… I just get more confusion. I also said how I want to learn jazz standards etc. and he said that what I’m trying to learn is too complexed at the moment… but I can play it fine with a bit of practise? I dunno just feels like he’s scamming me and giving better teaching to other people… why would this be?

I tend to find a lot of people irritating therefore avoid them. I think people can tell when I don’t want them around me.. I hate it when strangers come into my personal space, touch me or if I can smell their bad breath or hygiene issues. I think I have more of an issue with this than most people do.
I also don’t see much point in talking to someone unless I can get something out of them or I really enjoy their company like I find them interesting etc. Whenever I’ve had friends, I’ve noticed I drink too much at the pub and completely dominate the conversations, I like the attention all on me.
I always feel sort of numb, bored or maybe depressed. but I also ruminate and stress very easily, leading me to feel like I have to control situations or avoid them. If I have to work in group activities at university, I zone out and can’t concentrate because I find it overwhelming and don’t see the point of contributing unless I’m the leader however I’d still much rather sit back and do nothing or just do what I’m told to do etc. I used to get very good grades at school without much effort… now I’m struggling and scraping by with passes at uni because of poor time management and having random special interests distracting me.

I also feel the need to be somehow better than others.. this is why I like being a musician… a lot of the people on my uni course can’t play their instruments that well and I feel superior to them because of that.. however I feel upset if they do better than me in assessments. I also get massive anxiety if I feel like I won’t perform well, but if I know my parts well I get a bit egotistical … even as a kid I loved the attention from performing and playing instruments. I also love getting positive attention from lecturers and even seduced one and had sex with them to sort of “test” if I could win him over, but at the same time I was also very infatuated with him for no logical reason at all. I think I wanted to see how far he would go with me.