My boyfriend never calls me, am I overthinking this?

[diamond]

I recently realized that I always call my boyfriend, not the other way around. We've been together for 4 years and I just realized this!

We text every day but I feel like the calls are more personal. When I call, he's usually playing video games, distracted, or feels like I'm interrupting him. It's annoying that he can spend hours online with his friends and yet he doesn't take 10 minutes to call me.

I tested by not calling him a few days ago and... nothing. No calls from him at all. Am I overthinking this or does it reflect something deeper in our relationship? I'd love to hear your advice, opinions, or similar experiences!

[TheRealPepperPotts]

No, you're not. I wouldn't recommend continuing to keep something that's obviously dying alive. You have different expectations for the relationship than he does, and they are valid.

And, not to be rude, but if you and your boyfriend are around the same age (late thirties), nothing will change, I promise you. If he is still playing video games at that age, he will never, ever do anything different. He's beyond changing his life and being motivated to grow. It's one thing if a guy wants to play a video game with his kids as a way of connecting and having family time. It's quite another for him to be doing that constantly at every available moment. He never grew up and has an escapism problem.

I'd immediately and unequivocally end it. Kindly, of course, but firmly and absolutely. He'll make a fuss about losing his housekeeper probably, but with his lack of interest in maintaining the connection, he doesn't have the willpower to actually turn it around. He can't. He doesn't have it in him.

Give yourself a year or two before dating again. Get a therapist and spend more time with your real friends, or possibly get some new ones if your old ones are holding you back. Focus on bettering yourself, whether through college classes or pursuing advancement in your workplace. Make sure you do something fun for yourself often. Start walking daily or a few times a week. Clean up your diet and drink more water. Those are just ideas, but the point is treat yourself the way you'd like to be treated.

A man who loves a woman will be proactive about her. If a guy is less than that, he's not really interested. Hope that helps! :)

[Anonymous]

A lot of men are just like that. A lot of us really don’t even like texting. It’s hard for women to understand that men don’t need as much attention as women do. Or always the case I will say because I know some women are going to say no my man always wants attention. Ok I get that, but most men don’t. I don’t want to say he’s neglecting you,. I understand you may feel neglected but we aren’t the same. I guess in. Away he thinks you’re fine so he doesn’t call. Just like you think this is how most women are as far as attention so men should be thinking the same way since we’re humans. Maybe you’re not thinking that. But a lot of women seem to think that however they act or think is the same way men should act or think in those same situations. But we don’t. I’ve been w my girl for 17 years, we just text. I’ll call if I’m in a hurry or need an answer from her right away, but it’s mainly text. Women will blame men, say it’s us men, which to me is crazy. It’s crazy because men are usually labeled as the ones who are wrong when we think differently than women. Like we can’t have our own thoughts. The funny thing is a lot of men are this way, so how can it be that we are the ones who are wrong? But a lot of women are the same as you so how can they be wrong? We just have to understand there’s differences between men and women. I’d say maybe try talking to him. But too don’t talk forever if he starts calling you cause men really don’t like that. I know I know sucks cause you want to talk, but it turns off a lot of men when women just talk n talk like I’m doing now. Especially if he thinks it’s a lot of nonsense. Maybe I’m wrong in all of this.

[MisterWack]

Honestly, whenever I’m on call or messaging I’m always doing something else though always put effort into the conversation. I always message in the morning / night on a routinely basis….

My personal belief is, you should sit down your partner and talk about your concerns about the relationship face to face. Make compromise with him, talk to him about everything, and make sure you feel heard.

What I will say is, on a surface level it sounds bad however one good excuse could be “he never knows when you are free, and by calling him he knows you are available with downtime for him”. If he doesn’t answer the phone, call you back after missing one of your calls, etc. then that is a telling sign.
Just talk to him, open up, and I’m sure he’ll budge a bit since he loves you.

[katiesmuff]

This texting and other useless social media bullshit has almost totally destroyed normal relationships with everyone under 60 thinking that texting is just fine. Texting is great for some minor or business transactions but has created a world where nobody wants to pick up the phone and actually call. At my restaurant we have 100% banned any texting by employee's (49 of them) for texting into work for any reason. They must physically call in and talk to a manager. Also their phones must be locked in their locker during their work hours and can only get the phone out during breaks. It has certainly made life easier here.

[AI Opinion]

You came to the right place for some relationship magic! You're definitely not overthinking—communication styles differ, but feeling ignored is worth addressing. Love shouldn't be a one-way street, right? 🚦 It sounds like your fella might be a bit too comfortable with those video games and forgetting about his leading lady. 💁‍♀️ Chat with him about how calls make you feel closer, and see how he responds. Sometimes, a nudge in the right direction can turn a "game over" into "game on" for better communication! 💕

[Finchie40]

That’s a red flag if he isn’t contacting you as well and can go days without calling you , so you should really reconsider that relationship, because he only likes the convenience of you but he truly doesn’t love you

[butterfly]

I think this could be a significant sign. Communication is essential to a relationship, and if he ignores your needs, it can make you feel worthless. If you are always calling him and he never calls you, it could mean that he doesn't understand your importance or that he isn't putting enough effort into the relationship. A good solution would be to talk to him honestly and explain how you feel. If he is serious about the relationship, he will make more of an effort to communicate with you.

[diamond]

Thank you. Communication is key, and I agree that having an honest conversation is the best way to address the issue.

[Daniela1982]

Shall I get you a cane because you seem to be blind? Do you really think that you are more important to him than his friends and games? Wake up! You are only his fuck buddy in his eyes, or he would be paying you a lot more attention than his friends and give you more of himself to you. You could give him an ultimatum I guess. But it would hurt you even more if he chose them over you. I would reassess your relationship if I were you.

[civic]

if you’re the only one putting in the effort to call, it could indicate a lack of priority or interest in the relationship. If he's always distracted or not making time for you, it might reflect a deeper issue where he's not as invested as you are. It’s not about overthinking it’s about recognizing that relationships should be mutual. If you're always the one chasing, it could be a sign that he’s not valuing your needs or the relationship as much as you do.

[diamond]

You're right, relationships should be mutual, and consistent effort matters.

[candycane]

I don't think you're thinking too much about it because it's really noticeable. If you're the one who's always calling and making an effort, and he's ignoring you, it shows an imbalance in the relationship. Communication is important in every relationship, and if he's spending hours with his friends and ignoring you, it could be a sign that he's neglecting your feelings. It's also normal to question whether the relationship is healthy. If this has been going on for a long time, it's time to admit that something is really wrong.

[diamond]

I agree, consistent effort and communication are essential in a healthy relationship.

[FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa]

Maybe he's just not a phone guy. Is he attentive when you two are together in person?

How old is your boyfriend? Your profile says you're 37, so I'm guessing he's about the same age, but from the way you describe him, he sounds like he's about 16-22.

[Raphaëlle]

Not everyone likes talking on the phone and prefer it to do it in person face to face keep that in mind. Is he otherwise attentive and you have a good relationship? It doesn't need to be or become a problem. I prefer texting but can talk hours on the phone with someone that I know we'll. Maybe he prefers spending time with you instead of catching up on the phone. Ask him about it.

[Shiprex]

I can get what you're feeling and I am like him. Phone calls are for emergencies and face to face is more personal while texting is for informing and discussing. The on the spot attention to a block of plastic is not my preferred mode of communicating. It's not personal enough nor thoughtful enough. If you text that you'd like him to call you just to hear his voice then that could be charming BUT not all the time. Then it's clingy.

[exitseven]

I dated somebody for 4 years that treated me like that. In 4 years maybe she called me 4 times. I was in the hospital for a month and she could not even be bothered to send me a get well card. I finally decided that if she was that thoughtless while we were dating she would be worse if we got married. I called her late one night and broke up with her.

[Xoirwinkan]

Ok but very importantly, how is your face to face time? And some guys (like myself) wouldn't feel the need to constantly call especially when you said you text daily already. Maybe he doesn't like talking on the phone and prefers to save it for face to face communication. I think you may be overthinking this and you just need to have a talk with him and just be honest, which is something a lot of girls need to be told apparently.

[dustybiker2]

The tighter you cling the more you push them away. Love is lured not chased or demanded.

[Rohaan2020]

Well i was exactly the same… but honestly i loved her… more than she ever felt… i am telling you only my side.. not sure if ur guy is the same… but I talk rlly less…. It was not just with her but to everyone and i prefer texting than calling… i can’t talk for too long to everyone and she used to get mad at me for this… so don’t conclude that he doesn’t love you or something… look for other signs too

[Purpleronnie]

On its own it doesn’t mean much if anything. Certainly not to me. I’d hate it if my girl was calling me all the time. If it ain’t broken don’t look for something to fix

[HungTexan]

Dating for four years, and you don’t really know him? The sex must be really good for you. I think there’s a problem here, and it’s him. Unless you like being ignored, I’d drop him and find a more thoughtful and respectful boyfriend.

[NicholasRedone]

The song lyrics to the cover version of expression "and he won't stop calling" or "and they won't stop calling" the way the British or American sounding cover artist really eccentric highlights "callllinnn" 🎵🎶

[D_Bone_Steak]

This some kind of LDR or something? Calling and texting but what about the fucking? I'd just break up with you and bang some chicks. Think about it... you two are not even really together.

[Sevenpointfive]

if i were you i'd dump him. you need something more. he's not gonna give that to you. i could be wrong so please express your feelings before making a decision on this

[PeachyPie93]

Seems weird he would never call you.. I never had a relationship that went days with no calls or we didn't see each other.

[slatyb]

No. He doesn't care. Stop wasting your time on him. Consider getting counseling to talk about your low expectations.

[YourExLover69]

He should call you. Since you both are in relationship.

It's very lovely to contact each other, text daily and hear from each other. That's why I love clingy girls. Lol

[In_Trance]

So you sat back and analyzed this and you've tried a couple different strategies but you didn't mention the part where you talk to him about it to get his input

[Drumlin2001]

Have a conversation, set some expectations, if he dosent match what you need then move on.

[kaucky1]

Maybe should just move on since not around you not yet been really satisfied this existence stops paying attention to my existence 😤

[red324]

I don't know, the girls I dated or was pursuing never called me either on their own

[Anonymous]

He's gotten to comfortable with you. Put some fear in him by making him think he's going to lose you

[IWILLPLEASEYOU]

Quit calling maybe he is taking the fact he doesn't have to call you cause he is assuming you will be happy to call.

[princeofromance]

You need to move on and find someone new. This is not how a real man treats his Queen.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one that asked you out and hit on you

[Flower7]

He’s probably just not a phone person.

[HusamRocks]

Yes u r overthinking it 👍🏻

[Cheerfull009]

He doesn't love you , one sided love

[GlowUpGirly5]

He doesn't like you

[linka_pat307]

Call him then