Search Results: crush on same guy

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

I know i likely am, and i genuinely dont think he's interested or anything, and even if he was it would be illegal, but I've developed a big crush on the IT guy at college (he does exams aswell) . I've been there part time since last September (although I've been doing online courses before) at night class and now daytime for one day. My room at night class was on the same corridor as his office, and actually even when i first met him/seen him then i teased him about the last time i did an exam cos he took forever to get the password right 😂😂i actually thought he was a bit odd, bit of a dork at first, like he isn't even remotely attractive but still there seems to be something for me to be attracted to him, which is why im struggling with this/being around him. We spent a lot of time on our own organizing my exam and i need a specific chair for my health (back/tinnitus) and so i would have ventured into his room a lot, he never cared or said i wasn't allowed (im not allowed there in the other campus) there was an actual pinpoint of where it started i guess i seen him in a different light, im sure he was just doing his job but he told me something about my daytime course from his diary that he shouldn't have, gave me his chair for my exam to sit on and just generally been nice to me even though most people are sick of me😂😂

Anyway it was the last night of the course (2 days before my exam) and i was stood near the doorway of the room and there's a little bit of the room that has another door inbetween (there's a printer) and of course i only turned my head for a split second as he's walking past (and no, didn't even know he was there) u can guess it, im convinced there was an eye contact of some sort😂😂 and yet i know deep down it likely wasn't. My teacher pushed me to go see him regarding my exam and it actually felt so awkward and later im literally staring at him and getting distracted 😂😂

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