Is that appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone.
I'm a 20 years old University student. I live in a building of single studio apartments and most of us know each other. There is this guy who I met this summer in the same building as me and he is 30 years old. Sometimes we see each other on the elevator or in the garden and we chat. We had tea together and chatted for longer like twice and sometimes we talk about music, languages or literature over Instagram. But it's totally friendly. I mean... At least he is. But even tho I tried to deny it, apparently I have a crush on him. Whenever I see him I just get impressed by how beautiful his eyes are and how kind he is. But he is 10 years older than me! I have never dated someone who is older than me even 3 years or more. My friends told me let it go because of the age difference and I agree but it is what it is... What do you think I should do?

[Summeroflove]

Asker you’re a adult if you have genuine interest I think you should directly express it to him. As far as your friend goes probably trying to be helpful but everyone is different maybe that kind of relationship isn’t her cup of tea but.

Number one if he does have interest but you never act on it what could happen is you become more attached but he eventually starts loosing it never assume you’re the only woman whose around him. Other women could either directly make a move or catch his attention.

Another thing to consider is that rejection is a very scary thing I understand that. But if he rejects you you’ll for one thing have closure you won’t wonder what could have, should have, or would have been. You will also be able to cut your losses and move on therefore not wasting your time. If he gives a indirect answer leave the ball in his court and give him time. If he is interested just make sure he knows where to find you. If he doesn’t or keeps beating around the bush eventually allow yourself to move on.

Also just take things slow if he agrees to go on a official date. Just take things slow allow you to get to genuinely know one another. Maybe you have too many differences that cannot be worked through or maybe you both are meant to be together forever. I just don’t know what the answer is but you’ll never know if you never try.

What matters more then she is a genuine connection and if you feel it with him. So long as it’s a healthy relationship and both people are genuinely happy that’s what matters in the end.

[Asker]

Wow... First of all, thank you so much for your detailed answer, I really appreciate it 🙏🏻
I can't disagree with any of these words. I live in a very international place right now that we are all from different countries and I'm so used to it. But there are still some things, thoughts, mindsets or habits you carry from your home country. I think that's one of the mindsets I gained from the country I grew up in. People, families and society attribute too much meaning to age. Therefore I never had to overthink about such a thing until I realized I had a crush on this guy and I was like "oh I'm cooked he is ten years older than me" because my instincts directly told me it would be super inappropriate but then I saw people not caring about it here unlike what I'm used to so at that point I started to question wether that's a big issue like they taught me or is it actually normal. And I felt lost.

About taking step... I don't know if he is interested. He has always been so friendly but I think about the possibility maybe this age thing makes him hesitant too... I remember the first time we learned each other's ages we both were surprised. I was surprised by how young he looks and he was surprised by the fact how young I am despite my "maturity". And well, the fact I'm the youngest one here in our community (placement student). We are from different countries but I don't really care about that, it's not a problem at all

[Summeroflove]

I understand how you feel asker if you take those first steps and start dating communicate with him that’s key. Communicate about your country and how you feel. Being honest with one another can either make the relationship stronger by giving understanding or maybe you break it off on good terms if it’s not working out.

But I do know that’s important that way there isn’t built up issues that spill out later down the road.

As far as taking the first steps. Go for it he may be interested in you he at least likes you as a friend. If he is a good friend he will let you down easy. He won’t be a dick about it and if he even was is he really a friend?

I do feel like he is mature enough that people develop feelings and it’s natural. Maybe it makes some awkwardness for a short time but eventually you’ll hopefully remain friends.

[Summeroflove]

I do think chances are good that the feelings are mutual. I can’t say anything for sure but go for it.

[HawkPerception]

There are much larger differences than 10 years. And as you get older age matters less and less. I actually briefly dated a girl that was 10 years younger when I was 28. That was the largest age gap I had.

My friend married a guy that was 16 years older than her last year. My cousin married a guy 13 years older than her. My grandma married my grandpa with a 15 year difference.

Love isn't based on age gaps. Age gap norms are human made nonsense. If you like someone, then you like them. It's not wrong to be attracted to someone older or younger than you, unless we're talking about kids that haven't even hit puberty. But you're both adults, so it doesn't apply to you.

Think about it this way. If you're 20 and he's 30 that means in 10 years he'll be 40 and you'll be 30, right? Sounds better, right? Then go another 10 years, he'll be 50 and you'll be 40, right? Sounds better again, right? Age doesn't matter.

My advice? If you like him, ignore your friends. They're clearly immature if they think that age gap is a big deal. Just do what your heart wants and don't live life with regrets.

[Nikki1989]

While age gaps can work, they often come with different life stages and experiences. It's wise to acknowledge this and be realistic.

[Abbycado]

You seem so uncertain that I wouldn't do anything.

[Asker]

I just grew up in an environment which would never approve that, that's why I got scared and confused. Some people say age difference doesn't matter since I'm an adult now, some people say it's a big issue, I'm just lost

[Abbycado]

"But even tho I tried to deny it, apparently I have a crush on him"

"I have never dated someone who is older than me even 3 years or more"

"My friends told me let it go because of the age difference and I agree"

That much uncertainty is not a good recipe to start a relationship. Just my thought.

[Asker]

That is why I'm asking about it here if I was certain there would be no question but the only uncertainty for me is the age gap. I do have a crush on him but from the beginning I was afraid of this fact because as I said, I grew up in an environment where that would be super inappropriate that's why I tried to deny it, out of fear. But now in the place I live in people seem not to care about age gaps

[Finchie40]

Go for it , why hold age as a deciding factor? Age is just a number when you meet someone that you enjoy being with , you are both adults , so you aren’t doing anything wrong whatsoever , you both sound like you have great chemistry and connection together, so that’s all that matters , Don’t listen to your friends’ advice , it’s your life and your choice on who you are attracted to. If your friends’ don’t like it , that’s their problem not yours. I date younger girls’ because her age doesn’t determine our chemistry and connection together whatsoever, I have dated younger girls’ that were maturer than girls’ my age or older , so that’s why I don’t hold age as a deciding factor if you are both adults , that’s all that matters.

[Lliam]

It's not that much of an age difference. It sounds like you two have a lot in common and get along great. He might be just right for you. You'll never know unless you give him a chance.

A guy in that age range is more mentally and emotionally mature, stable, and sure of his goals than most dumb ass guys your age who are still wild and seeking fun and excitement.

[NicholasRedone]

Do you want him (his personality and manners) or his body as it is now at age 30, for the short term or the long term? After all that's up to you ; he can either be you relationship (but not for the long long game) or he can be your short term relationship

[PeachyPie93]

I'd say leave it since you seem too immature..

[moneymagnet24]

Go go go go for it girl...
Don't listen to anyone at least you get mature partner.