Search Results: having sex at a party

I’m turning 25 in few months & been having baby fever. I get jelaous seeing girls with baby happy. I can’t stop thinking of babies. I’m not ready this year have baby but maybe mid to end next year be pregnant and have baby born by age 26 . I’m 26 end next year. I’m not financially stable rn, my business has no sales at moment, I’m barley trying get savings, have $200 saved rn and want $5,000 saved by December. Then next year save even more so I can use it for my baby buy everything he or she will need. I’ve been feeling depressed empty in life I live alone, I’ve been feeling like a loser as I have no special baby of my own. I see women pregnant or with guy and baby and I wonder what makes them deserve a baby? What makes them deserve get pregnant by a guy and I don’t deserve get Pregnant by a guy? Like how is the women so special n amazing to be able get huge belly n have so much sex so many times with boyfriend to get baby. Why im not worthy have this too? Im not a party girl, I want move to a big condo apartment , and raise my baby there in our blissful home. I feel my purpose is have baby not just be stupid women living alone empty working that’s it. My life is to have my own family 😔& true happiness with my own new family.

See I've made some bad choices, and yes I view myself a bit negatively about that, I was curious if I spelled out what I view as some of my worse points to do with... Well, getting myself a boyfriend. If anyone on here would be willing to put that aside or not:

So I lost my vcard at 18 not long after I started uni, I wanted to get it over and done with. The first time typically hurts but at the same time I kept getting this echo of what if I get raped I wanted my first time done on my own terms. So I basically shackled up with the first guy who shown interest in me, it was mediocre wasn't good could have been a lot worse. There was a couple of almost times where I touched a D.

I didn't have sex again until a year later, guy 2 introduced me to sado/machism and made me realise just how much I loved pleasing a guy. A few months after that just before my 20th I had sex with a guy whom my friends told me I should get with, two quite toxic friends.

A few months after that I had sex with a guy at a party, he was the first guy I did multiples with, it lasted about two weeks and I stopped it when I realised just how little he actually cared. 6 months later new years and got wasted woke up next to a guy.

2 months later guy 6, and this is when I got a bit carried away. I'm pretty sure I was depressed I was at the height of a toxic friendship and I lived hours away from home. I felt super lonely and now I wasn't having sex for pleasure but rather comfort. I love my cuddles so I figured: give sex get cuddles, I did everything I could to get comfort and thought it's better than drugs or drinking all the time. Though at that time I smoked pot and drank lots. 3 months later the guys at work offered coke and thought why not maybe it'll make this feeling go away. Guy 7 was married, yes I knew and yes it was a little forced but I could have said no and I didn't and yes I'm pretty sure he would have stopped. Then in the space of 2 months I slept with guys 7-11.