Search Results: qualities in guys

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

No high quality man ( definitely exclude alcoholic smokers who have casual sex) marries any legal teenager (and no woman was any age forever) Most Indians definitely want a working woman and only consider you for marriage if you have at least graduated from college. This means you’re at least 24 when you can think of getting married or even older if you have their preferred career. That leaves you with 5 years before they start yelling that you are “old” and should marry anyone! Most Indian boys can’t hold a conversation , don’t have a soothing or sexy accent, don’t look decent enough to be dream guys or satisfy your needs and think they’re superior even when they can never be your dream. It’s been tried and tested. So if you’re an above average woman in India, you’re probably not going anywhere. You also can’t try and dream of someone from a different country because some people have a confirmation bias. They exclude anyone who isn’t their preferred race.

Hi Ladies!

Ok, so true story, a good guy friend of mine once sat at our favorite bar and "outlined" all my attributes for me in a way that was just matter-of-fact, like a lawyer making a case for his client. In closing, he said, "... I've known all this since the first time I saw you. You just light up the room as soon as you walk into it, without doing anything at all. Any guy who can't see and feel that is nuts." He held up his Macallan and toasted me, which made me laugh and nudge him. It was very sweet and meant to get me out of the funk of the nasty things people were saying about me being a divorcee, etc.

Today's the anniv of his passing (RIP 2020, COVID), so he's on my mind. I didn't reject his incredible compliment, but I didn't really accept them and let them sink in till this month. Since this heart to heart five years ago I've had lots of compliments about different things and I always automatically deflect them as something kind the other person is saying. I don't take it to heart. Sometimes if a person goes on and on about something I did I'll blush, quietly thank the person and outline THEIR qualities, indicating that if I'm good at something it's because I have the benefit of working with THEM (which I also truly believe... no one really stands alone 100%). This morning I receive a compliment and I let it sink in a little... to my heart... and it was a great feeling. I think my friend sent this person my way with a kind word because I was feeling glum and remembering all our chats before he passed on...

Anyway, I got to thinking... how many of us don't know how to accept a compliment?

Take a moment to think about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to you. How did you respond? Did you ACCEPT the compliment or DEFLECT it?