Search Results: get him to open up

29F, I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years. I’m under the impression that I want a relationship as I install apps on and off. I’m at the point where I get drained when they’re installed & when I’m not in the mood to reply to messages or swipe on profiles, I end up actually using it every other day or every couple of days. When I’m at the point where I notice I’m not getting as many matches or likes after a couple of months, that’s when I delete & likely going on hiatus. I think deep down I must want something other than validation right? I like men but I haven’t been in a ltr yet, I saw someone for a few months jn my early twenties & haven’t seen someone since bc I refuse to settle. I get interest from guys but it only seems to be on dating apps which I take with a grain of salt, I’m told I’m cute/attractive but never get noticed by guys I like in person (as in actually approached). I’m always told I haven’t found the right person & this may hold truth, I’m reserved & not affectionate/don’t have a sex drive really but feel like that could possibly change if I meet someone. I just worry I’ll feel regret as I’m getting old & still haven’t been in a ltr, I don’t want kids but open to marriage

I'm hurting right now and very upset. My suspicious were confirmed just 2 days ago when my husband left his FB messenger open. It was messages between him and my SIL (sister-in-law). He admitted to her that he always loved his ex girlfriend Olivia from his much younger years. They met as 9 year-olds playmates, then dated for a short time in their Sophomore year of HS, she broke up the next year and met someone else.

The woman is married but still has him on his FB contact list as friends. He admitted to my SIL that he still loves her more than me. He loves me but I'm not really his first option. He would've wanted to have kids with her. He also said it was true what he once told me while drunk when we were just dating. Then this was the hurting part for me, the SIL asked if he would leave me if Olivia were to get divorced now and she reciprocated his feelings and he reply was a ''Yes, unfortunately I would leave (my name) but that'll never happen. I have to accept being in Olivia's forever friendzone''.

Flashback to the time we were just boyfriend and girlfriend:

We were drinking and while making love, he called me by her name. He literally said ''Oh Olivia, I love you... yeah''. Then tried to fix it right away when I got upset immediately. He called it a stupid drunken mistake and how we would never get drunk like that ever again and even reconfirmed me a bunch of times that he got over her already. I stupidly believed him.

Is this fair? We have a 7 year-old son and he's still obsessing over her? He never got over her and just got with me as second best.