I can feel the eye rolls from here, a woman...giving us...tips...blah blah, but with any advice, take it or leave it, but listening to your complaints about dating, thought I'd give my perspective...
1. Stop going to the most expensive @$$ restaurants
Let's start off with acknowledging typically men pay for first dates, so if you are just casually dating, going to $$$$ restaurant for your dates is going to add up pretty quickly. Treat a first date as something very casual. All you want to do is just get to know this person, not give them part of your rent just for a conversation...and before you can moan and groan, "well women won't be impressed if I go somewhere cheaper," consider HONESTLY, if that is even the type of woman you want to date, if she is so concerned you didn't fully pry open your wallet for someone you barely even know or not at all.
2. Go for a Thursday date
A what? Yes, a Thursday date. Thursday is the least pressure date you can have. Consider this, during the week, most likely you are both working or you've got class the next day. If the date goes well, you can easily convert that to a Fri/Sat/Sunday date. If the date goes poorly, you have a built in excuse that you're suddenly super busy and have things to do, and either she'll get the hint with no further calls for a second date or you'll eventually disappear into the fog. Plus things are far less crowded and less expensive sort of mid week then they would be on the weekend.
3. Date Free and Creative
Again, I get that you don't want to constantly have to drop cash, so get creative. I'm a forward woman, so I ask out my fair share of guys (why wait, eh), but as a photographer and avid walker, I know the downtown area by heart, so for example, I will take a date on a walk around the city pointing out all the cool things that only those in the know, know about and end (if things go well) on a peak that overlooks the city, with a lunch I've made myself because I can cook. I've not dropped a dime on that date. You don't have to do that, but there are TONS of free events in your city or town, and with a little internetting, you can find them and use them to your advantage. I've done free festivals, art events, fun run/walks, you name it.
4. Don't jump through hoops
There is a limit to what you should do for a date. Why are you leaving 20 messages, and waiting forever for call backs, or being told you're expected to act or do certain things for someone you barely know. Recognize that YOU deserve the respect you are giving. Getting the run around, having someone play games to get you to chase...it should get old pretty quick and you should look elsewhere whether that's online or in person.
5. Look for what a woman is offering
You pop on a dating app, and you read a profile, "I want a man who is tall, who has a good degree, who donates to charity..." Who is this woman? It's fine to have preferences, but there should also be some substance on the other end. Who is she, what does she do, what can you tell of her personality there on her profile. If there is no substance other than a wish list, maybe look beyond just a hot picture. Dating is a two way street and it shouldn't just be "I want, I want, I demand" all the time. Try reading/responding to profiles where someone actually has said something of worth in their post.
6. Avoid your childhood trauma over the ice cream
We all have our s--t, but day one of meeting a girl, you shouldn't be required to reveal that one time you were abused at a city pool. Like, it's day one. Do let someone know, that's a step too far for a date you barely know. And yes, there is such a thing as oversharing.
7. Know your self worth
Rejection can be frequent. Some women are extremely cruel about this. It is easy to start feeling like you are a nothing in the dating pool, but try as hard as you can to know your self worth, and know that it doesn't depend on what this one person rejecting you says or thinks about you based on one experience. Yes, it's easier to do perhaps if you are that stereotypical hot guy that can just get another girl, but if you are on the other end of the spectrum where it's harder to do, call a friend who can remind you of that, literally tell yourself, you know who you are and what you have to offer. There may not be a ton of "fish in the sea" for you, but all you need is one.
8. Stop looking for red flags every five minutes
If you've had a terrible dating history or even one bad girlfriend, you may be prone to look for red flags and cancel a girl before she even has a chance. A girl admitting she loves a bit of human sacrifice, is probably someone you should dodge like the wind, but none of us...I repeat, none of us are perfect human beings, and constantly searching for perfection will lead you to a life of total lonliness because no one can reach that standard. Chill out a bit, and again, start of casual, and slow if you will, and not putting any heavy expectations on a date especially if you've just gotten out of a rough relationship.
9. Don't be "The Friend"
Um, if you are there to date someone, don't settle on being their friend or being pushed into that box, while she moves on. You need to move on if that is not what you want. It is fine to know you don't want to be "the friend, " just don't stay in that role if you can't or don't want to be just a friend. It's perfectly okay to say no thanks, and move on your dating journey. You don't need to stick around waiting and hoping like a lost puppy.
10. DO have expectations but know your lane
If you want to date someone with a degree, someone who looks hot according to you, someone who whatever, whatever, that matches your energy and vibe, go after that. Again, women have them, so, don't be made to feel like you're some type of monster if you have some as well. You should probably (read: most definitely) avoid telling a date about them or checking her off and on the list in front of her like she's an object to be won and lost, but a woman cannot expect you to be on her list, but not be any of what she wants any more than you can. If you want the top of the pile, work on yourself and work on getting there to the best of your ability because it raises your stock. We can all ignore this idea, and pretend the dating world doesn't work this way, but for the majority, it still does. Be the things you want in her.
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