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Nothing fuels progressive passion quite like a fresh Trump scandal — preferably one involving a plane, a salad, or a punctuation mark.

One week it’s “threat to democracy,” the next it’s “foreign influence,” then suddenly we’re back to “fascist" and "cult."

So what’s it going to be next week?

Here’s a prediction: Trump’s dog—wait, no, he doesn’t have one—Trump’s neighbor’s dog barks during a solar eclipse, and MSNBC runs a breaking news chyron: “Symbolic Rejection of Science?” The Atlantic drops a 12,000-word piece on the historical trauma of canine lunar denialism. Hollywood celebrities stage a virtual candlelight vigil for the sun.

Or perhaps the outrage will come from Mar-a-Lago. Word leaks that Melania grows “unregistered” mint in the garden. A Whole Foods employee claims he/she once saw her snip a sprig without first acknowledging the indigenous Gods of America. Congressional hearings begin within hours. AOC livestreams a tearful message about the colonial implications of DIY cocktails.

🗓️ Save the Date:
🔮 Fact Check Predictions Drop Friday — bring your tissues and trust in science.