Search Results: settling

For instance let's say you wanted to have kids (within a timeframe) as one of your goals. This is just an example, though. It can be many. What would be worse:

- Settling for someone you're not passionately in love with but they're compatible with your goals, values, lifestyle, etc. They've been vetted in the dating process and you have come to loving and respecting them. It's just that you're infatuated with him, nor crazily lusting over them and it's not their fault. That person gave you kids at your timeframe and everything you ever wanted.

- Falling in love, being in love with them but realizing you've done a poor selection and didn't even do a vetting process. Either you aren't on the same page on goals, values, lifestyles, etc or they keep on making excuses. For instance you might want kids at a certain time and they keep filling your mind with ''maybe, one day it'll happen'' and they're wasting your time. Ok so you're in love with them but what else? Besides the dates, romance and intimacy, you find yourself unhappy upon realizing you'll never get what you want out of them.

Going to be 30 soon & ask myself why I’m incapable of being in a relationship with a man, people can say that I’m picky but I don’t fully believe I should take all the blame. Female friends I’ve had in the past seem to get dates easier/are okay with putting out & some have unintentionally made me second guess my looks, as they seem to have it easier yet other people have told me I’m equally/more attractive than they are. The last time I “dated” someone was when I was in my early twenties & I’m glad that ended because this guy felt like settling. It justifies that love isn’t blind & it’s better to be alone vs being in a mediocre relationship. I know I’m not all that but I feel like I should be able to attract quality men, all my life I feel like I’ve been invisible to men. I’ve never been approached in person by a guy I’d like to date (don’t count dating apps) & the very few times someone told me that a guy found me attractive (normally a guy I also thought was attractive), they never told me directly & it was always word of mouth.

I feel like I am cursed, that last person I saw in my early twenties was through a dating app & that’s how I’ve met all of these men I’ve met up with. The apps are continually getting worse & they’ve always had a bad rep, getting matches are never an issue it just fails to go anywhere for a number of reasons. And sometimes when I’ve met guys in person & it didn’t work out, there’s just something about them that doesn’t live up to my expectations (even though they look like their pics). I’m unsure if my dating logic is unrealistic, dating apps are the only way for me to meet people & don’t understand how I can be this old & haven’t been in love yet.

The last thing I’ll add is my lack of sex drive, masturbation doesn’t do anything for me & I haven’t had sex since I saw that person back in my early twenties. However, it’s known that some women need to be in a healthy relationship in order to have that *sexual desire*.

I had a fling with someone two years ago. He was quiet afterwards and it felt so uncomfortable I had to ask him why.. he said the sex we had was the best he’s ever had. I just took it as he was just saying things to say it. He soon after started professing how he feels..”I want a relationship, I could really see us settling down” etc. I pretty much sabotaged it on purpose because I wasn’t looking for anything serious. He was mad that I was seeing other men. (Back then) -/ fast forward to now, I messaged him to ask if he wanted to have sex? He said yes, so we exchanged numbers and set up a time and day. The day comes and he’s slow to respond to me, he’s not a responsive as he’s been over the course of us reconnecting.. I made plans with someone else. The next day he asks what I did the day before and I told him “I went to go see someone” and it pissed him off to the point where all we did was argue. by the way -/ he’s in a relationship with his baby’s mother (new born) and they live together, I am single. so we’ve argued for like 3 weeks until he finally agreed to see me last Tuesday and we had sex at his job. He’s extremely dry with me after so it started to irritate me to the point I told him “you’re only making me not like you and I can’t wait until I do” so I sent him our Se’x tapes and told him if that’s how I have to remember him, it’s how he gotta remember me (called him names) and he said “you’re way too much for me💯 it’s not attractive” — what I’m confused on is why is trying to impose how he feel and what he wants on me, when all I ever wanted was to have sex? Like the first time we’ve met. That’s all, I didn’t have no attraction to him outside of intercourse. Why is he behaving the way he is when I just started caring more (I didn’t care at first) and now we said some things to eachother that’s hurtful and we both blocked eachother. Like what is the reason for all of this? Am I wrong?

Even with no actual experience I still believe I fall under this category, I wonder if I need to manifest the law of attraction or something even though I do think that’s bs.

You know when you have a gut feeling? I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years, it’s come to the point where I’m not as interested & I swipe on matches/reply to msgs every few days. Dating apps are the only way I’ve tried dating as I dont have a social life but dating apps have been successful for quite a few people I know. I’ve never had a real relationship, I saw someone for a few months maybe 5 years ago & something told me after I saw him that’d I’d be single for a long time. With him it felt like settling & I refuse to ever be with someone that made me feel like that again.

I had to use dating apps bc I’m not very friendly & I don’t get approached in person. I’m told I’m cute/attractive & I will say I have a very low sex drive (haven’t masturbated or had sex in 5 years). I don’t think this is a huge deal considering this isn’t something that will be an issue that early on, a guy can’t just look at my profile/see me in person & know that right off the bat.

I get matches (never been the issue) but it’s always: ghosting, fizzling out, lack of interest (can go both ways), feelings not reciprocated, just not a good match & some guys are just crazy. I just always have a gnawing feeling like guys aren’t attracted to me, I’d get told once in a while that some guy looked at me/found me cute but they never do anything about it. And I don’t either hence why I’m posting this

TLDR: based off the description, is this something that’s unlucky in love?

I'm 37, childless but I've been speaking to a companion for a long while now. We've already spent quality time (no sex yet) and are thinking of settling down soon. I always thought getting pregnant by a boyfriend that later on cheats or never commits is worse. If I can have kids in the right manner so beat it. I'm unwilling to bring an innocent child misery.

In the end, out of the two less favorable positions for a woman would my position (older and childless) be better than be younger and already with 2-3 kids of different men?