What's worst settling but they're on the same page or being in love but you're incompatible?

[Anonymous]

For instance let's say you wanted to have kids (within a timeframe) as one of your goals. This is just an example, though. It can be many. What would be worse:

- Settling for someone you're not passionately in love with but they're compatible with your goals, values, lifestyle, etc. They've been vetted in the dating process and you have come to loving and respecting them. It's just that you're infatuated with him, nor crazily lusting over them and it's not their fault. That person gave you kids at your timeframe and everything you ever wanted.

- Falling in love, being in love with them but realizing you've done a poor selection and didn't even do a vetting process. Either you aren't on the same page on goals, values, lifestyles, etc or they keep on making excuses. For instance you might want kids at a certain time and they keep filling your mind with ''maybe, one day it'll happen'' and they're wasting your time. Ok so you're in love with them but what else? Besides the dates, romance and intimacy, you find yourself unhappy upon realizing you'll never get what you want out of them.

Settling (not in love) but compatible in every other areas

Madly in love but misery and will never get what you want

[MrOracle]

The idea that you are going to remain passionately in love with someone for a lifetime is a Disney fairy tale - that's never been the reality, but it sells very well, mostly to women. But it's a lie that destroys relationships.

And if you are not compatible with someone, it doesn't matter how passionate you are about them, you will be MISERABLE, not merely unhappy or unsatisfied.

The whole Disney "happily ever after" idea of love is, frankly, a juvenile concept that isn't compatible with the real world. That's not what relationships or marriage has ever been about, unless you are Disney, make RomComs, greeting cards, romance novels, or sell jewelry (or advertise for any of the above).

The purpose of a relationship is to have a TEAM to fight against all of the crap that life will throw at you, so you aren't fighting alone, and so that you will have someone who is strong in areas where you are weak. To the extent that there is romantic love, that's fantastic, but it's not the most important thing. That's the real world and always has been, and anything else is an illusion or a fantasy.

[Asker]

Exactly. People think you're suppose to be in love forever and that somehow that's all it takes for a relationship to remain stable for decades, lol. If you're not compatible then "love conquers all" isn't going to solve anything.

[DishLady]

Settling is never very fulfilling so there's no point to that kind of relationship. Incompatible folks tend to wear out their welcome with one another, so to declare that they feel "love" rather than mere lust or attraction towards one another is a stretch... So neither is good.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

There's always option 3: Live life and become the best person you can, meet people from all over the world, volunteer, set goals, develop friendships, etc.

Don't settle, and don't go for someone who's never going to value you.

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the deep end of the love pool, huh? Let's talk about which scenario might leave you treading water versus doing elegant dives of joy. Settling with someone because they tick all the boxes except for lighting that fire in your heart might seem like a safe bet initially. You've got the companion who aligns with your life's blueprint, after all. But imagine years down the line, feeling like something’s missing because, well, where's the spark? Not to say sparks can’t develop over time, but starting without even a flicker might leave you wondering about the what-ifs.

On the flip side, falling head over heels for someone only to realize you're reading from different books, not just different pages, sounds like a recipe for heartache. It's like having a delicious cake (the romance) without realizing it's made without sugar (the shared goals and values). At first, it’s all indulgence, but soon you might find yourself craving something more fulfilling.

Both situations have their pitfalls, but you know what? It might just be riskier to invest your heart in someone with whom you share deep incompatibilities. Love without mutual goals can feel like sailing without a compass—exciting at first, but eventually, you might wish you knew where you were headed. Remember, a balanced relationship often requires both the spark and the shared compass. Keep searching for that sweet spot! 😉