Search Results: shy about asking

There are two types of long distance relationships:

1. When you meet, you live near each other, you begin a relationship, and then circumstances lead one of you to move away far enough that you can't see each other on a weekly basis. I am NOT asking about this type of LDR.

2. The second type is where you meet online, exchange texts, emails, phone calls, and clearly establish some romantic interest in each other. THIS is what I am asking about.

I have had the second type. I met a user on this site, who I will not name due to my respect for her. She is a beautiful lady who lives in Brazil, about 3,500 miles from my hometown. We talked, but not frequently, as she was somewhat shy, but we texted more frequently. I would have flown to Brazil to meet her, but this happened in 2020 - covid times. It became obvious that the international travel ban would not soon be lifted and there were some other factors that made me less hopeful about a future with her. We ended the regular communications and I have only heard from her sporadically since then.

I have a theory that shy people sometimes seek long distance relationships because they have an internal conflict: part of them wants to be in a relationship and part of them wants to run away from the idea. By finding a LDR, you can tell yourself that you are in a relationship without facing the prospect of actually meeting and dealing with all of the anxiety associated with that. But, of course, LDRs rarely materialize into real long term relationships. For most people, they are just a form of temporary "pretend" relationships.

What is your experience with LDRs?

I used to be quite a shy person so i have enormous empathy for shy people out there, but as of a few years ago i kinda shed that shy part of me. I think being shy isn’t bad but if you’re ‘too’ shy it can prevent you from really getting the things you really want in life like a job or asking someone out you’re crushing on.

do you think your shyness has been an impediment to your growth or success in life? Or is it a non issue for you?

disclaimer: im not attacking anyone now. If you’re shy its fine. I just wonder about it is all.