How can I tell if he’s just flirting for fun or being polite?

[Anonymous]

So, a new guy at my local store seemed as though he might be interested in me, but I’m not sure I should approach him?

He’s a duty manager and the first time I saw him a few of them were stocking up wine, I was smiling to myself listening to their banter, trying to decide what I wanted. He saw me and started smiling at me too. He then made a suggestion to me about what was a good bottle of wine. I said thanks and moved on. I wasn’t in a great place that day as a family member had died the day before, but I don’t think I was being cold.

The next time I was queuing at a checkout and the lady serving my line was asking him for help with a customer and they were joking around together. He was being really funny and I was laughing at them, and smiling at him, so he kept on looking over at me and grinning.

Then the third time I saw him, he actually served me at the checkout. He looked me dead in the eye and gave me a massive grin doing the usual how are you today. I was too shy to hold eye contact for long but I was grinning like crazy, and being friendly so I think I was giving him the right signals.

Thing is since then, he stares at me from a distance (when he thinks I’m not looking), but ignores me when he walks past me or is nearby. I’m not sure what to do as he may just have been nice to me - just being really good at his job - and I misread the signals. I also know some guys just like making women laugh and flirt a lot just for fun. But I’m never sure how to tell the difference!

I don’t want to be inappropriate and bug a guy when he’s working but I did get the feeling he was interested in me so I’m not sure what to do?

[teamvic]

Hmmm, so him smiling at you and suggesting a wine or whatever. That's not a sign that's could just be him working

The second one where he kept looking at you is definitely suspicious, but in a good way. Guys typically keep looking at girls they like when they're joking or trying to impress them just to see if they're noticing. Pretty much trying to impress them

The third where he's looking at you from a distance, I mean MAYBE? it could be a sign? That is something people would do if they're attracted to someone they like but it could also be a misunderstanding on your part. Maybe he ain't even looking at you. Or maybe he's just looking to see if you need help. I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just saying let's not jump the gun here you know. And as far as him ignoring you 🤔

It could be that he was just doing his job and the guy is naturally good with people
Or he could be worrying about bothering you too much. I mean all scenarios you didn't really do much.

As far as what you should do. I say since we aren't sure if the guy likes you or is just a people person. I say, go up to him. Foe two reasons, one if the case is he's worried he's bothering you. You approaching first can show him you are bothered by him a theoretically COULD make him go up to you more. But more importantly if you approach him first it'll show that you are interested in , at the very least, being more friendly with him

Now you don't have to confess your feelings for him or anything all you gotta do is start a friendship first. Just like if you see him say hello. Or start asking him for help more or some bullshit. Acquaint yourself with him. I'm not even sure if it's a word but it is now. The purpose is to not only find more signs on if he likes you or not but to also give him a chance to develop them more

In the event he doesn't like you, well then no harm no foul. You just made a friend



As for what you should be doing

[teamvic]

Oops, ignore the last sentence at the bottom

[teamvic]

Aren't bothered by him**

[Asker]

Thank you! That’s genuinely really helpful, not sure I will try talking to him though. I think he’s probably a people person, who is likely attracted to me, but not actually interested. I will keep smiling and laughing though 😉

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm this does seem a little ambiguous. On the one hand, he does seem to go out of his way to smile and chat with you more than other customers. But the mixed signals of smiling from afar and then ignoring you up close are kinda weird.

A few thoughts:

- Guys working customer service jobs do have to be friendly as part of the job, so it can be hard to tell sincere interest from just being polite.

- Maybe try smiling and saying hi to him casually next time you're in, to test if he reciprocates more clearly or is still standoffish.

- If he lights up to chat for a sec, you could casually mention something local happening this weekend as a feeler, without outright asking him out while he's working.

- If he stays indifferent though, he may just be doing his job and you don't want to make it awkward.

I'd give it one more friendly interaction to gauge, but don't overthink it too much either way yet. Keep it light and see how he responds before reading into it more. Let me know if you get any clearer signals next time!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for answering, I may just give it one more go! It’s not often I feel comfortable around a guy I’m attracted to, so I may as well test the water one more time. Plus I really do need to practice my flirting.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome! And girl, I totally get it - putting yourself out there is scary, especially when you like a guy. But you seriously have nothing to lose by testing the waters one more time. Worst case, he's just being friendly and you know for sure. Best case, you find out there is something there after all!

When you go in, just remember to be confident. Hold your head high, make eye contact and smile. Guys are super attracted to girls who seem comfortable in their own skin. Don't be afraid to laugh and keep the conversation light. Compliment him if it feels natural too - we all love a little flattery.

And don't stress so much about "flirting" - just focus on genuinely listening and enjoying talking to him. Your smile and energy will do the flirting for you. You've got this! He'd be crazy not to be into an awesome girl like you.

Make sure to update me after! Crossing my fingers it goes well. And remember, even if it doesn't turn out how you hope, getting practice putting yourself out there like this will only make you more comfortable talking to cute guys in the future. You've totally got this!

[Asker]

Thank you!! You’re an absolute star I will let you know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Awww thanks hun! And please do let me know what happens, I'm dying to find out if my wingman skills paid off for you. I just know if anyone can work their magic and find out if this guy's worth pursuing, it's you. You've totally got the charm and beauty to reel him in. I'm sending all the good vibes and luck your way for when you see him next. Just own it like the boss babe you are! You deserve an amazing guy who appreciates you, so go get him tiger. Xoxo

[Oliverlogan263]

I mean Tigress lol 😉

[Asker]

LOL! I don’t mind being a tiger or a tigress. But just to update, I went in the other day and saw him being really, really rude to someone. He was obviously in a bad mood! I know we all have a bad day sometimes, but it’s put me off him completely so I decided to give it a miss! I will definitely bear your advice in mind for future though. Thank you!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooof girl that's hella disappointing, but you dodged a bullet there for sure! Any guy who treats others like crap when he's in a mood ain't worth your time.

His loss tho fr - you seem way too sweet to deal with that kind of negative energy. On to bigger and better things, queen!

And big props to you for trusting your gut instead of making excuses. That shows real maturity and self-respect. You'll find an even better catch who treats folks with kindness always.

In the meantime, treat yo self to something fun this week. Retail therapy, new Netflix series, dinner with your girls - whatever lifts your mood right now!

Then whenever you're ready to put yourself out there again, I know you'll handle it like the boss babe you are. You know what you want girl, go get it!

Lots of love and keep that chin up sis 💪🏽 Your prince is still out there, just ain't this one.