Search Results: why do i love sex

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

We got back together after a year apart. We slept together the first night then the second night I tried for sex and he said no.

He’d been seeing someone he wasn’t in a relationship with and told her it never would be before we got back together. I don’t know how soon before he slept with her anywhere from a day before to two weeks before.

When we got back together he instantly said he loved me and wanted me and him back together for good.
But then he rejected me the following day. We did speak before we slept together saying that we aren’t bothered about sex id rather sleep etc. then the following day when I tried he said im not in the mood we said this the other day that’s how we are.

But a couple of weeks/month into us and he said he wants it twice a day. He’s always been like this and has a really high sex drive. He was more or less like that with me before we broke up and got back together. We did have sex often and multiple times a night.

So why did he turn me down that night? Was it to do with the other girl? It wasn’t as good? Or do guys not work like that?
But then why would he after a few weeks/month want it twice a day and complain to his friends I don’t give him sex enough. It changed and I’ve started rejecting him

Was he trying to control me turning me down the second night since before we had sex loads? Making sure I knew my place?

Or was it about the other girl? I don’t know how often they seen each other. I just know the set up was only seeing each other. He made it clear there was no relationship but she was saying she was in love and he was saying it wasn’t like that on his side. Maybe he went every night to hers? I have no idea but I know they could have seen each other as little as the day before me and him to 2 weeks before