Bullying, get over it

[Anonymous]

In today's society bullying is considered one of the worst things you can do. Being labeled as a "bully" might as well be the same as a murderer because the "victim" might end up with a gun in their had taking their lives because you hurt their little feelings.

News flash: bullies always have been and always will be. People now have gotten so week and sensitive that they can not stand to have someone say a few mean things. I never thought I'd live in a world where high-schoolers and college level students cry more over a little bit of criticism and jokes on their behalf than toddlers.

Bullying is not new, bullying is not worse. It's part of society and always will be. Words do not hurt. Have I been bullied? Fuck yes. Do I have depression, anxiety, etc. Etc.? Yes I do. Do I contemplate killing my self every time someone says or does something mean?? Hell no. I put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Because I'm not someone who needs to be babied and protected from the rest of the world's criticisms. Just like my fucking grandparents, I know how to move on and brush it all off.

Now have I bullied others? Oh yes. It was fun and amusing or maybe just felt good. But wanna know something? You are a damned liar if you tell me you've never done the same. We all do it and we all fall victim to it. I think it's passed time that society bands together and tells people to suck it up and get over it.

Bullying isn't new, it isn't worse- society is becoming weak.

2

[Scrambledagain]

I think your downplay of bullying is really tragic and wrong. there are various degrees of bullying and you clearly havnt experienced real bullying. i was literally beat the fuck up as a kid. It's the exact emotional trauma as rape. It's inflicted pain without your consent. You going to down play rape too? Must I tell all you women to suck that up as well?

[myTake Owner]

Lol you're hilarious. I was beat the fuck up AND raped. Shit happens. I've adopted a lifestyle of strait forgiveness. I forgave my father for locking me in the basement and breaking my nose. I forgave my brother for the "games" he liked to play. I forgave thone guys at the party who drugged me up and took turns with me in a closet, and videoed it. I forgave my best friends dad who did the same. And I'm happier for it.

[Scrambledagain]

Yeah my jokes seem to win a crowd. I would say you got stokholm syndrome and it's good to forgive but the implications that come from psychological trauma are devestating. you would make the perfect wife for Chris brown lol (that's a joke btw)

[myTake Owner]

Forgiveness wasn't immediate but when it came it was damned sure empowering. I feel strong. I know for sure that no one can ever actually break me. I do not sit in fear and I do not hate. I deal with the nightmares every night and a little bit of social anxiety along with regular anxiety but I just know that those make me stronger as well. I will never be a victim. I forgive but never forget. And always replace the initial hate I want to have with love. And you know, it's not hard. It's actually pretty easy and mainly freeing.

[TimeSplitters123]

Very well said, she is ignorant.

[CHARismatic110]

I wanted this to be one of those Takes with a misleading title. Sadly, it's full of crap like I expected it to be. Bullying is so much more than just being called names. And you're sadly mistaken if you think that words don't hurt.

[TimeSplitters123]

It is a pile of crap

[smahala1991]

This whole mytake is a bunch of bullshit. And What. does the. King of. the Hill gif have to even do with bullying? Nothing

[Bluemax]

Respectfully, CHARismatic110, many people in my profession DO think that a few disagreeable words constitutes bullying. I believe they are mistaken and have swung too far in the other extreme. I'm the first to agree with you that words, when said repeatedly and often, can indeed hurt. That being said, I believe you and I agree that not every disagreeable word hurts.

Tell me, do you hope to have children?

[CHARismatic110]

@Bluemax yes I do.

[Bluemax]

How would you handle it if your child is bullied?
How would you handle it if your child becomes a bully?

[CHARismatic110]

@Bluemax I'd try my best to prepare my kid. I'll tell them stand up for themselves against physical bullies and to never let them see you sweat. I'd also tell them to tell myself or their dad and someone at school if they were being bullied.

If my child was the bully, they'd be in deep trouble. That's something I would not tolerate.

[Bluemax]

I hope you become a parent some day then, my dear CHARismatic110. We need more parents like you.

[CHARismatic110]

@Bluemax thank you

[REALisRARE]

So wow.. you've managed to enrage a lot of commenters lol. I get what your trying to say, although I don't agree with all of it. For example: I do think words hurt, however life does hurt. If it hurts, thats good, that means you're alive. People seem to think you should let words hit you and just roll off. And while that's a great idea, it just isn't going to work because certain words are going to cut you and as I said, that's okay. It means you're not dead. I also think that bullying has gotten worse, because it's just a school thing now for one. It's on facebook, instagram, twitter, going cellphone to cellphone in a matter of seconds. So kids can't escape it. It follows them everywhere in their back pocket on that cellphone. Also schools have this zero tolerance bullcrap where kids can't even defend themselves anymore because they'll get suspended. So where once when someone bullied you, you finally would have enough and knock their teeth out, and they would stop. Not allowed anymore. Zero tolerance. And talking about kids crying now over everything, we have kinda created that monster ourselves by allowing the world to get to a point where we can't offend anyone or hurt their feelings. Don't say that, you might step on someones toes. Also this everyone gets a trophy generation has helped create the pansy generation. Don't get me wrong, bullying is very serious, and not to take away from that, but yeah we are raisinf a sensitive generation here. Who we are also feedinf pills like candy for things like ADHD, ADD, Anxiety, Depression, Etc... also, not to take away from those, don't misunderstand me, those are serious, but my point is that instead of helping kids deal with their feelings and problems we are shoving pills down their throat to bury their feelings and numb them to everything. So they are never taught to deal or cope with the real world. So the first time the encounter something that isn't sunshine and rainbows theor entire world shatters and they have no clue how to pick up the pieces and move on. Anyways, I'm getting off topic, those are my thoughts. And I do get your point. = )

[Red_Arrow]

The title of this should have been, "I have no idea about real bullying". Wow! You must have had a couple of girls call you fat. Maybe one or two knocked your books out of your hands. Just such a rough life you had! Right! The biggest difference between bullying just a few decades ago and now, is that technology has allowed the bullies to completely inflict terror into the loves of others.

Bullies get a high from hurting others and getting praised by the buddies for it. It becomes a group thing where a cliques will try to prove how wonderful they are by tearing down others and hurting them as much as possible. Yes, they make comment about fat or ugly, etc. But then they hack into other people's social website pages and taunt them there. They knock them down at school and take a photo and put it up instantly. They manage to find out extremely embarrassing things about someone and post it publicly. If they don't find something embarrassing they will make it up, and by that time they will be believed and the victim will not be believed. When your life is hell 24/7 and you cannot even get away from it in your own home, that is real bullying. That is what tears people down. And when school admins do not have the balls to deal with the problem (and they should be dealing with it since most of this centers around the school and the groups there) the constant trauma can drive people to desperate means. Either hurting others or hurting themselves. It would serve the bullies right if they finally drove someone to bring a gun to school and put a bullet through the bully's head. Unfortunately, the victim of the bullying would then be the one going to jail because society would not deal with the bullies.

And as I said, I am talking about serious bullying. Not the chicken shit stuff you have dealt with.

[myTake Owner]

Ha ok! You're right because obviously you stood side by side with me my child hood. I've gotten the shit beat out of me on a regular basis in elementary school. When I got to middle school my town found out about topix. A website ment to keep in touch with town issues and current events. Nah. They used it for strait up harassment. Adults and kids alike. My name would pop up regularly. Along with a list of every mistake I ever made aND a few I didn't even know about. I was never called fat except you know, by my parents. They reminded me regularly that I was the child of a whore, because my birth mother was indeed a whore. My mom, who raised me, told me daily that I should always be ashamed of my body and no one would ever love me if they saw me naked. Know what I did? Got the fuck over it.

[PeachSunset]

"Word do not hurt" yo sound like an uncultured, uneducated swine.
"News flash": WORDS DO HURT, in fact possibly more than physical pain at times. I've been bullied and its been one of the most painful things i've ever experienced. Words cut deeper than a knife and the scars sometimes never go away. Its awful, it makes you feel unloved, unwanted. Dealing with bullying is one of the hardest fucking things anyways, you can't just "put on your big girl panties and deal with it", the effects can still remain and you can always put on a smile and say you're ok but everybody knows inside you actually aren't. We're human, we have feelings. And you're pretty damn sick to bully others, you know what I doubt you've experienced the real toll bullying has on you, otherwise you wouldn't be doing the same to others. No, i'm not a liar for saying i've never bullied anyone because i haven't. To bully others you have to be a fucking insecure shit who has jealousy issues and thinks they're shit, which you know what, sometimes they are shit, and i pity you for having to go and make other people feel shitty because you do. You have confidence? Bull shit. And yeah, society is becoming weak, to allow someone to have the mindset that falling victim to bullying or wanting to hurt yourself due to bullying is weak, and having the mindset that bullying is fun and everyone does it. You're a sick, emotionless wreck. Go see a therapist, there's something WRONG with you.

[TimeSplitters123]

Lol, well done plus she is very ignorant

[PeachSunset]

Thanks, I usually tend to pour out my feelings onto people like this lmao, and she certainly she is :/ @TimeSplitters123

[ArchDruidMordred]

I think it's important to understand that there's a difference between the bullying that happens just for the sake of bullying, and bullying that kids bring on themselves. Classic example, the girl who cuts herself and then rubs it in her friends' faces. If you cut yourself and then use that to get attention for the sake of getting attention, you're going to get bullied because you're an idiot. Another example is the kid in class who's always complimenting the teacher asking/answering 20 questions a day and being the class police officer. If you do that, you're going to get bullied because you're fucking annoying.

But there are cases where bullying happens for the sake of bullying. For example, the boy at school who gets mocked because he isn't a sports kid. Or the girl at school who is labeled a slut because she hangs around a lot of guys and does a lot of guy things.

I suppose you can say that bullying is just a way of enforcing the social norms, but I like to think that we as a species have evolved beyond that kind of shit. There's a difference between enforcing societal expectations and forcing narrow views on others just because they aren't a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you be sure and tell this to all those kids and teens who were shot down and killed by those high schoolers who were simply "just bullied." The real newsflash is this isn't your grandparents era. They were bullied, went home, and were left alone until maybe the next day. Now you have people stalking people online, publishing people's phone numbers, finding out where people live posting addresses, bullying them online, and endlessly harrassing their targets. That goes far beyond someone making a few jokes at your expense or just saying a few harrassing things. This is where I, or anyone should draw the line because I've seen it now too often where the bullies take it way past whatever line exists out there from harmless to harmful to where people feel their only recourse is to bring a weapon to school or go to their house to settle a score. I worked in a school where a 10 year old brought a knife to stab his bully, so yeah, I kind of take it more seriously then just get over it. I'm glad your life has worked out the way it has and you're able to brush things off. We're not worried about you. It's the ones that are going through hell and people are ignoring their cries for help, and they see no way to handle it which goes far beyond just being whiny or a cry baby.

[myTake Owner]

Except there is a line between bullying and harassment that is anything but thin. Bullying is fine, natural, and shouldn't be as big of an issue. Harassment is different and should be handled differently.

[Opinion Owner]

We shouldn't be living in a world where we okay harassment or bullying. As parents, as teachers, as adults, we tell kids how to treat one another and no where in that handbook is treating others like crap because you can. We have HR, police, and other entities to handle such individuals in the adult world, so we don't think people should just be able to do whatever they want. Who is going to ever stop these kids before it gets to harassment if no one cares at all or everyone is turning a blind eye?

[smahala1991]

I hate to tell you this but it's easier said than done. I was bullied the whole time I was in school and let me tell you it does cause a lot of self confidence issues and words do hurt. It's not that the people are becoming weak or America is becoming weaker nation it's because we all realize we are waking up and realizing the dangers of mental health issues after so many shootoutsAt malls schools, airports, workplaces etc... And especially due to thes suicide rates climbing higher and higher. People cannot just get over it that easy. Bullying causes depression, PTSD, anorexia, body modifications etc... It is not just a normal part of growing up Its a dangerous thing that many people have turned blind eyes to.

[Ginnyweasley97]

I have never wanted to slap someone so badly until now. I was in middle school and girls constantly accused me of stuffing my bra and that only pretty girls go to the school that I was going to. Did I survive yes. But it takes 10 times to put yourself back together than it did to fall apart. I have never bullied anybody because I have a soul and I was bullied and never want another human being to feel the way I did.
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[smahala1991]

I've seen whole classes bully one student constantly before

[Bluemax]

@smahala1991
Alas, when I was young, I saw this, too.

[Maxemeister]

There is a big difference between REAL bullying and name-calling. Those who commit suicide because of name-calling are gonna die anyways. But true bullying, you've never experienced that if you think all bullying is just name-calling and not a horrible mind-game that eats away at someone until it destroys them. I've never been bullied, or at least not enough to piss me off. But you have never been bullied, either.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Lol thats only a frame of mind i drift in and out of, often to realize how dumb i was to think of it in the first place. I think in some cases kids need to be taught to toughen up, while in others need to simply be nurtured. If you weren't afraid of bullying you would not have gone anon, set an example then. I have beaten the shit out of some bullies and gotten the shit kicked out of me yet I don't know how toughening up is supposed to solve that? I have toughened up both physically and mentally but that just cuts you off from being human and showing empathy... which is something you toy with in your article. I would argue the people who stick to who they are, are far stronger than those who toughen up. At least from what i have seen.

[myTake Owner]

I'm anonymous because I like to keep people around me private. If I wasn't in posts such as these, where I put things about people close to me in the comments, and someone who knew personally me saw this post, I could never live with myself for putting people I love so much out there

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Thats not an excuse, gag is anonymous and you do not have to link facebook nor any other social media platform. There really is no reason for you to be anon. You should tell your family members to toughen up as well.

[myTake Owner]

How about I've put in here that my father abused me and my brother raped me. I've moved passed it aND they have dealt with the necessary punishments and are moving passed it as well. I actually have friends irl that are on here. And I would really rather not have them digging up my past

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Join the club for shitty family members and friends. I'm in nearly the same boat as you. Anyways you don't need to spill your guts about how you were raped save that for PM'ing but honestly what is above that will jeopardise you bond with your bff's or whatever... let me answer that. nothing.

[ElissaDido]

Bullying is horrible buy we've all been here, I think sometimes people over react. I was bullied because of a hundreds things, being a chubby teen, about my hair, my eczema, being the teacher's pet... I'm still alive. Most kids were bullied to some extent.

[Tomsta]

There are different kinds of bullying, i was bullied a lot when i was at school, it's one of the reasons of my low self esteem and the sole reason why i don't trust anyone. But saying that people are "turning weak" you underestimate the kind of mental manipulation bullying can create, more so in person. Online you can just block the person; irl it's not as easy.

If i had my way if someone bullied me i'd have every right to stand up for myself unfortunately in society the only way people seem to notice or do anything about bullying is when it gets really violent or said person kills themself. If someone is bullying you physically i think you have every right to fight back rather than you getting penalised for defending yourself and all the other person gets is a slap on the wrist / detention

Granted "manning up" is the best way to combat these things, but i wish at school i had the stones to be vindictive and be damn the consequences

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Thats because people are too weak to stand up for themselves. I bullied some people, some other people bullied me. But you know what, it tought me to stand up for myself. If i never went through that, i would be scared of people when they acr aggressive or threatening. Now i fight for i want and will not let someone bully me.

[DodgersGM]

"Words do not hurt."

Ummm... no. Words can carry a ton of weight.

[Bluemax]

Indeed.

[ScruffynateAK]

But should they?
I think we've discussed the stuff I went through a couple times on here.
Do you think it's evident of a problem in our society that so much power is given to other people's words?

[DodgersGM]

@ScruffynateAK I'm not sure it's a matter of "should." It just is what it is.

Also, consider this: if we're to argue that words have no power to hurt, then why do they have the power to bring us unmitigated joy? And taking that one step further, should words have the power to make us feel happiness and love?

I don't think I've heard your back story, no, but I know you're a good person and I'm sure none of it was deserved. Even if you're strong enough to let it roll off your back, you shouldn't have had to go through it.

[DodgersGM]

@ScruffynateAK And yeah, bullying is definitely indicative of problems with society. If I was to take a stab at it, I'd say that all of the bullshit insecurities we allow ourselves to buy into are at the root of it (our family can't afford Nikes so we buy off-brand shoes, or our clothes aren't en vogue, or we look different from the advertised ideal, etc. so people prey on that insecurity). I firmly believe that bullies are just people who feel shitty about themselves, so what better way to lift themselves up than to tear others down in order to mask their own supposed shortcomings?

[ScruffynateAK]

I think we're looking this from two different perspectives.
It's not that words don't hurt, that'd be a foolish thing to say, it's that maybe as people we need to find a way to move past giving the shit so much influence, and letting the good have more.
Easier said than done undoubtedly.
But it's a hell of a lot easier to get over assholes than it is to get rid of assholes.

[DodgersGM]

@ScruffynateAK Yeah, we're on the same page there. It's unrealistic that the earth's population is gonna up and become saints all of a sudden.

How can we make people more immune to it, though? My gut says that a lot of it comes down to parenting.

My anecdotal story: I was mostly raised by my mother, but in general I had a very supportive upbringing. I was made to feel worthy like a child should, I think. And in regards to bullying, my mom taught me two things when I was a young boy (paraphrasing here):

1) you're awesome and nobody gets to dump on you. If someone lays a finger on you, you punch him right in the nose,

2) "bullying other people is unacceptable, (my name here). If I hear you're doing it, you can kiss your (whatever I'm obsessed with at the moment) GOODBYE."

She tackled it from both sides, and it worked for me.

[Bluemax]

See my response.

[Bluemax]

Fascinating. I wrote a question along these lines. More on that later.

And yes, I was a bully at times and I was myself a bully.

[Bluemax]

I believe that these days, many people, mostly child psychologists and teachers, have swung FAR too much in the extreme to the point where ANY disagreeable words is considered bullying, or to the point where self defense is bullying. This has kind of mutated into a form of coddling where now children feel they are entitled to protection from all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I've even heard children tell me that the very act of disagreeing with them is a form of bullying.

This is not to suggest, however, that bullying doesn't exist, and that people have different definitions of bullying. First off, acts of unprovoked violence are bullying. Teasing and/or making fun of someone when the receiver clearly doesn't like it might be an act of bullying (notice I said, "might be" as I believe there are exceptions). However, if you're teasing someone and they're clearly OK with it and think it's funny, that's not bullying. If they aren't OK with it, I believe that should be...

[Bluemax]

dealt with on a case by case basis. In some cases, I believe the receiver should grow a thicker skin, or his/her offense is kind of silly. In other cases, I believe the person doing the teasing needs to knock that shit off.

I wrote two questions about bullying. The first one was "Were you bullied?" and the second one was "Were you a bully?" Interestingly, people came out of the woodwork to answer the first question (Yes! I was bullied!). But you could hear the crickets chirping and see the tumbleweed blowing when I asked the second. Hardly anyone answered, and a few that did misread the question thinking it said "Were you bullied?"

Now I ask you, if SOOOO many people were bullied, where are all the bullies? Is it just one bully affects a thousand kids? Or could it be that our own interactions, while not seeming like a bully to ourselves, might have been considered bully-like behavior to someone else? Or could it be that so many former bullies simply don't want to admit...

[Bluemax]

... they were bullies?

[myTake Owner]

Exactly my point. People fail to realize that little things they've done were considered bullying and then think every little thing is bullying. It blows my mind how sensitive the world has gotten

[Bluemax]

Now, as far as dealing with bullies and the bullied, I'm afraid I have no clear cut solution other than I punish the bullies to the fullest extent. The second thing I do, and this has earned me the ire of many of my colleagues, I actually ask the victims why they think they were bullied. I usually can spot kids who will be bullied very easily. Almost always, it's the kids who are not comfortable and/or confident.

[Bluemax]

Where I have serious disagreement with this take and with a few people responding is that it seems like you are taking a "There will always be bullies, so we should just accept it/get over it." I have heard similar arguments about all kinds of evil.

I liken that to saying, "The grass will continue to grow, so we shouldn't bother cutting it." Of course the grass will continue to grow even after you've cut it. However, this doesn't get you out of having to cut it. If you don't, the lawn and house will soon be overrun. No, we don't just need to "get over it." We need to say something about it, and do something about it.

[Jack_S]

Interesting thought but missing a point. Putting effort into stopping harrasment isn't just for the victim, but for the perpetrator as well.

If unhealthy to rely on others to develip your own sense of worth, relying on that crutch in early life leads to scumbags adults.

Same way how if a child would hurt animals for fun, parents would work to correct the behavior for the benifit for the child (obviously bulling is usually not as extreme, but same principle applies)

[JustinTheGreat]

I kind of agree and think that sometimes people shouldn't take what people say so seriously, but im not gonna tell someone to grow up or think they are some sensitive pussy. Words CAN hurt some people

[TimeSplitters123]

Utter nonsense not everyone is bullied and not everybody does it

[myTake Owner]

Yeah. They are. In one way or another

[KawaiiPie67]

I've heard b4 that the people who get bullied a lot have trouble reading social signals, so they irritate a lot of people. That's doesn't meant bullies R justified of course, but just telling them to stop, might not solve the whole problem anyway.

[Prettygurl12]

Thank you.

I was bullied. I bullied. It's the way childhood politics works.

[Bluemax]

And thank you for admitting you were a bully. And doing so without being anonymous, no less.

I don't know if you want children, but if you do have them, how do you intend to deal with them being bullied or if they themselves are bullies?

[Prettygurl12]

@Bluemax I don't want children. But if I have one then I won't coddle them. Want to know how I was taught to handle my bullies? My dad taught me to fight. Because, while it wasn't all that long ago, it was long enough ago where an eye for an eye still applied.

I remember coming home crying because of my bullies and my dad took me out back and taught me to defend myself. And the next day I did just that. When they came to pick on me and shove me around I fought back and you want to know what? They never tried to touch me again.

I'd teach my kid to hold himself high. None of this bullshit whiny quiet nonsense parents teach nowadays. And if I get a call because my kid threw a punch at school because someone said something then I'd buy him ice cream on the way home. It's a tough world out there and teaching your children to be soft doesn't make it a nicer one.

[Bluemax]

"My dad taught me to fight. "

As much as I would like to, the state of California will not allow me to do this and I will lose my job for sure if I adopt this policy. I do what I can do, however, which is I NEVER punish the child who throws the second punch... and MANY teachers do punish the child who defends him/herself equally with the child who throws the first punch.

I'm all for defending yourself violently if necessary.

What if your child simply isn't strong enough or fast enough. There are times when all the training in the world is to no avail, particularly if your child is disabled.

Now, all that being said...

"And if I get a call because my kid threw a punch at school because someone said something then I'd buy him ice cream on the way home."

If that was a lot of hyperbole, then disregard the following. Otherwise...

You actually think it's acceptable, even praiseworthy to react to disagreeable words with physical violence? Is it ok if your significant other...

[Prettygurl12]

@Bluemax I'm not going to make my kid feel bad for standing up for himself.

[Bluemax]

... punched you if you said harsh words to him? Should a coworker get off the hook, or better yet be given a raise, for punching you if you say something harsh?

You never answered the second part of my question. How would you handle a hypothetical son or daughter being a bully?

[Prettygurl12]

@Bluemax I'd rather my kid BE the bully than be the bullied.

But you teach them to be nice and if that doesn't work... spanking certainly does.

And go ahead. Give me shit about spanking. It worked in my household. It works in my community.

[CHARismatic110]

That's the way your childhood worked. Not every kid that was bullied becomes a bully.

[Bluemax]

I'm not going to give you shit for receiving or using corporal punishment. Believe it or not, I'm one of the few in my profession who believes that spankings can be done right and be done effectively. My problem with spankings is that roughly half of all parents don't do it right (administer spankings) roughly 90% of the time, I'd say.

Neither spankings nor your father seemed to have taught you that violence against harsh words is totally unacceptable. Suffice it to say that any child of mine would be punished for countering harsh words with violence will certainly be punished, not rewarded with an ice cream. That isn't standing up for yourself, that's being violent without good cause.

What if your child simply isn't fast enough or strong enough to defend him/herself? Suppose your child was born with a disability?

[Prettygurl12]

@Bluemax I wouldn't put a disabled child in the general school population. Kids aren't tough enough today. That's how I feel. I'm sorry if you disagree. You go right ahead and raise them how you want. And if I have to destroy my life and raise one too, then I'm going to do it the way I want.

[T-shirtsandkneehighs]

Survival of the fittest. It's just the pecking order, if you can't deal, do one