How to get past childhood bullying in adulthood

Alice2398
How to get past childhood bullying in adulthood

All through school i was bullied for lots of different reasons. I've always been very petite so i was easy to push around and I can be shy and awkward at times as well as having learning disabilities and just struggling to fit in with most people my own age.

I never wanted to admit i was being bullied growing up. I only admitted it to the people i was close to in my adulthood because i realised a lot of my emotional issues stemmed from being bullied in the past. I know there's others like me who've struggled with this and i want to share my experiences and the lessons i learnt from them that helped me move on.

Its over now and it doesn't define who you are today.

Being bullied made me a very bitter person and i just wanted all them people who hurt me to hurt. Most my bullys are loser bums now and that made me smug as hell but the ones who were successful made me so angry and annoyed. I felt like it wasn't fair someone so mean didn't get there comeuppance.

Luckily i have good people around me now who comforted me about it and told me just because that person who bullied me is doing bad now doesn't make me any better as a person then them and the best way to get back at them is by moving on from it and not letting it define the person i am today.

Bullying someone else won't make it better.

Sometimes if i found someone who was a easier target then myself sometimes id find myself being abit of a bully to them to make myself feel better. Sometimes you have to take a step back and think how you felt when people treated you like that and how it effected you. Its much better to show kindness than be bitter and mean inside just because others have been mean to you in the past.

Trust there are good people out there and you are worthy of kindness.

When making friends in adulthood I've struggled to tell the differences of someone being sarcastically mean and making fun out of me with people who genuinely like me and are giving me compliments. Sometimes i doubt myself and struggle to trust people not to hurt me so put up a wall so no one could see me for who i really am.

I just turned myself off emotionally with people who wanted to get close with me because i thought they were just trying to look for a way in to make fun out of me especially in romantic relationships. Most the people who bullied me were boys and sometimes it turned into physical,verbal and slightly sexual abuse. I had guys think it was funny to feel me up in front of their friends as a joke because was i so "unattractive" to them. One boy would pull my hair and call me out in lessons in front of everyone, hed love to make examples out of me struggling in class because of my learning difficulties. Two boys ripped up all my art work and broke my glassed whilst i was away on holiday because i was a "ugly bitch" they said and the teachers never stepped in and i failed in my top subject. One boy hit me in the face with a comdom during sex ed and told everyone i masterbate. Another guy spat a chunk of apple in my face and threw the rest of the apple in my face leaving me with a black eye for no reason, i didn't even know him.

All this lead me to be scared of boys and think they'd all be violent and aggressive with me. Id get so nervous when boys got to close to me and id run away from my feelings because i thought they were only showing interest for some kind of bet or cruel joke with their friends and id push them away and tell them to leave alone and freak out.

I was kinda but in a situation where i had to face my biggest fear young rowdy men and it changed my attitude towards them for the better. I had to work with all men in a warehouse and as event crew for two years. Yes some were ass wholes but i learnt get get past them and actually become one of the boys. i made some amazing friendships better than most my female friendships really. They accepted me for me and it taught me their is more kind and good people out there than cruel and mean and the ones who don't like you for you are the ones with the issue not you.

They even helped me get my boyfriend and he has been a massive part of me healing from my past. He's one of the most kindest, sweetest, understanding people I've ever met and he's really restored my faith in people. Love will always beat hate as cliche as it sounds.

People who create misery or miserable themselves

One thing i learnt from my bullies are but most of them are truly miserable, deeply insecure people and you have to feel sorry for them. If i could go back in time id like to think id show them kindest but in reality i would really love to punch them in the thoat.

Think about it, if someones life was great wouldn't they concentrate on that instead of wasting their time hurting others. They feel the need to pick on someone weaker than them to feel some sense of power they don't have in their personal life.

Reevaluate why you were bullied

No one is prefect and sometimes i think a little bullying is good for people to make them humble . I will admit i was a little cringey and had a attitude problem in my teens like most teenagers do but that doesn't mean i deserved the level of bullying i got. Im genuinely a good, kind person and always have been, i think that's another reason people hated me because some people who are miserable want to destroy anything better than themselves without sounding like i think highly of myself.

Being bullied definitely made a stronger person and have a stiff upper lip. It made me tone down im my ott personality and made md recognise the world isn't sun shin and rainbows there's some people out there who are dicks and unfortunately itd apart of growing up to have to deal with them sorts of people.

Own the past and let it make you a stronger person.

Whenever id come home crying from school, id tell my mum a little bit about the bullying but not the full length. She would always tell me one day i was gonna prove them mean people wrong and show them up.

And i did by finding ture happiness and being a good , hard working, honest person and not letting them bring me down to their standard.

I've found all the bullying helped me have a quick mouth, and taught me not to take myself so seriously and bought out my witty side making people like me instead of hating me.

Im also very understanding of others issues and if i see other people being bullied im not afraid to stick up for them.

I don't take peoples shit anymore like i used to and I'm honest which people seem to like that ballsy side of me.

Don't let it ruin your confidence or set you back in life.

Bullying destroyed my confidence and stop me from doing things i wanted to do.

I hate people looking at me, i feel like im being judged and crowded over like back when i was being bullied.

I hate public speaking and i remember one time having a panic attack in front my whole class reading out my essays in class. Some of my teachers were bullies toi so my teacher made me do it to embarrass me as she thought i wasn't listening and that's why my grades were bad not the fact im dyslexic. Everyone would sing Shake It by metro station to me when i got nervous speaking in front of others because i would shake uncontrollably.

Onr day in class we had to act out a scene from a book. As soon as me and partner went up to act, onr boy whispered "bet she won't say anything" and kept saying "shaky". I wanted to prove that snarky prick wrong so i gave my best performance of my life in that lesson 😂. After that i was pushed into acting and i was genuinely really good at it but everyone in my class were people who bullied me and i couldn't bring myself to be in front of a stage with them having people judge me. So i quit as as well as quitting my netball team because all the girls felt me out of the game even though i was really good.

I sometimes wonder how my life would be if i didn't let my self-esteem bring me down and carried on doing the things i was good at but i still have no regrets as them decisions I made back then or what brought me to the person I am today and i wouldn't want my life any different as it is right now.

But to others going through this right now my advice would be don't give up and channel all the isolation and hate people give you into concentrating on your best self and proving to them but you don't need them to succeed.

One day you could be amazing at acting for example and be a big famous Hollywood star and look back and appreciate how far you came from the kid who got bullied in school but that applies in all situations anyway. We are much more than that kid who got bullied at school.

How to get past childhood bullying in adulthood
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Most Helpful Guys

  • pizzalovershouse
    The biggest thing is to rember what my good friend taught me that if you let them make you feel down they win that day you jhst jerp being you an people will start to like you for you I did this an then seen my self go from awkward picked on to liked a lot cuz the more they cut me down thd more nice I was towards others plus learning to find on there faults an poing outing I let people know this you be made fun of
    Is this still revelant?
  • loveslongnails
    You now realize, even though I'm not a proponent of violence... that if you had just kicked one those guys bullying you, square in the balls, and again while he was on the ground... and again while he was in pain... this question wouldn't be here.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Alice2398

      Im not asking a question and i had hit these guys back before but it only made things worse

    • That's most unusual. I don't think you kicked in the balls so hard they came out his mouth. That would have worked.

    • Alice2398

      Well i was most my bullying went on from age of 11 to 15 so didn't really have that on my mind and be realistic, im 5ft so imagine how small i was back then. I wasn't going to get in a fight with a 6ft teenage boy.

      Everyone did get scared of me for a while though because one time there was boy playing on his scooter shouting abuse at me.

      He was playing around a bunch of steps and i called it seconds before he fell down a bunch of steps and his tooth went through his top lip.

      He got back up and called me a crazy bitch as he was had blood pouring out his mouth. Everyone thought i had some kind of Matilda powers for like a mouth. Lol 😂

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hello_999
    I wasn't always treated well either... I'm also small and shy. I still haven't completely gotten over it.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

115
  • standingUP
    There is NO SUCH THING AS BULLYING. Just weak ass voluntary self victimization. If someone hazes you haze them back and it quits right then and there. It is survival of the fittest and training for life.
    • Alice2398

      It abit more easy for you say. Imagine being 4ft nothing in school and having kids twice the size of you trying to kick your arse just because they can.

    • Alice2398

      Whenever i stuck up for myself as well things only got worse. I was made out to be the bully and people would just laugh at me and not take me seriously when id tell them to fuck off

    • Alice2398

      Trust me i didn't back away from a fight. I stuck my nails in one boys head and pushed his face in the mud when he tried to push me of the swings and called a bitch. They only came back for more than id fight back

  • lifelearner011
    Learning to be compassionate yet assertive.
    Some people find "pleasure" in hurting others yet that doesn't means its the "right civil" thing to do. It takes time for some people to learn to understand being kind is stronger than being "crude rude" or disrespectful.
  • Reaperbot666
    typically a bully won't stop messing with you. unless you stand up for yourself or get some friends for support. now I don't mean you have to fight back or stoop to their level even.

    but if kids are sheltered during their childhood. they are likely to have issues when they join the work force. when their boss yell at them for messing something up or not meeting a deadline.
  • Lliam
    That was really good advice, Alice. It was also courageous of you to lay yourself bare like that as an example to others who are going through similar things.
  • Hunter7754
    My solution is to push them back and punch them in the face. They punch you? Punch em in the fucking mouth, kick em in the knee cap, then the groin. For every strike they throw, throw 3 strikes back at them.

    People will probably say 'blah blah, the bullies just need therapy, violence isn't the answer'. The only therapy they need is knuckle therapy.
  • Joeharbor
    Thanks for sharing. My cousin was bullied her whole life for being beautiful, as weird I s it may sounds. Guys constantly lied to her to get sex. Then one attacked her and ruined her beautiful face with acid. She had no options after that, so She killed herself. That's what it can lead to
    • If you knew what she was going threw why didn't you bother to help her pathetic.

    • Joeharbor

      @Alwayreckles93 I didn't know, she lived in another state. I only found out about her past from the suicide letter

  • Aiko_E_Lara
  • akanetuk
    Be full of strength, then others will be see you one, but don't use your strength to oppress others.
  • Dargil
    As a man, develop a defense of horrifying force. When I was bullied alone by a click of four guys, I identified the "leader" and prepared to take him out. It involved, quite directly a combination left knuckle punch to the throat and right hook to the jaw joint just below the ear... with a roll of quarters in my hand.
    When the day came, I had to wait until he did something to aggravate me. Maybe it would be a shove. What he did was ping my nose with his left hand. My knuckle punch came straight in and my right landed while he was still trying to defend himself from the jab. He dropped like a rock and I turned and ran. He didn't come to school for 3 days and then was bandaged. I heard threats coming from his friends and passed it along that the next guy would never have children.
  • Bananaman177
    If you can "get over it," it just means you were never really bullied.

    Trust me, if I fucking bullied you, you wouldn't "just get over it."
  • sp33d
    Get a bunch of people around you tell you to suck it up and that it was years ago who cares and waa waa.
  • bookday
    I was bullied throughout my school years. I was kicked and punched, been called names, and the like. I was the quiet loner that people bullies.
    I had to go for counseling just cool myself down, mainly because I bottled up a lot of my emotions and was about to explode. My counselor helped me find my method of cooling down. Now, I have made the bullying into a conversation started, but if the bullying starts, I usually turn it around so that the bully gets bullied by their own methods. I became really frank and to the point that they can't really bully me because they themselves will get it.
  • es20490446e
    Knowing what I now know, that nobody will protect them against them, I had their eggs smashed.
  • Chitown10
    I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thing. But the way you get over it, is being confident in yourself in the way you are now.
  • Browneye57
    TLDR. Way way too much whining.
    • Alice2398

      Sorry i forgot your only here for how i look

  • Gedaria
    Didn't let them get to me
    • Alice2398

      That's what i used to tell myself but then I'd have these breaks downs in difficult situations and i knew it was because i didn't want to be the loser I was in school all over again

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