Stop Telling Me I'm Not Like Other Black People!

[LoloWaye]

It's not a compliment. It's not a nice way to say I'm a decent human being. It's degrading.

The image people who tell me this have of POC is that they're all ghetto, lazy, always fighting, are animals, etc. Newsflash, those are just people who don't have ambition or make bad decisions. And they exist in every ethnicity, color, age, etc. Being a POC does not have anything to do with my behavior.

Someone saying that to me is like me telling a white person "Wow, you're not like other white people because you live the ghetto, you're not rich, etc."

That's like me saying "Wow you're Asian but you're not smart?"

That's like me saying "Wow you're Mexican but you don't eat tacos?"

Some people say it because they haven't met POC who they haven't considered trashy of ghetto. Instead of being surprised at how I act and comparing me to people who are lazy, go out and meet POC who are doing well for themselves, who are educated, etc.

That is all.

[CHARismatic110]

Yeah, the sad part is that they actuating that they're giving a compliment. I've gotten it before. And I've also gotten the whole "not black enough" spiel too. Gotta love humans eh? Anywho, good Take.

[madhatters4]

i can relate to this kind of post. great take

[Anonymous]

Try being at a bridal shower in front of some 50 women from both sides of the families, where the mother in law who is white, is making her speech recounting my now sister in law introducing my brother to her for the first time. The mother in law says somewhere in there, "when I first met him, I was highly suspic----" then catches herself, realizes our side of the family are there apparently, and tries to quickly change the subject. It's like, hmm, what would have made you suspicious... his working on his Ph. D., his house, his sports car, his world traveling, his absolute love and care of your daughter? Comments like the one you mentioned bother me too. All persons of color are not the same, did not grow up all in the same place, all do not speak or act the same, and yet, because I can put a sentence together and don't use the N-word, I'm not like "all the rest."

Wow, just wow.

[LoloWaye]

It is amazing, and it's sad. I'm sorry that happened at the bridal shower, that's terrible!!

[Opinion Owner]

it's only ever really people who don't have to go through this who seem to always claim these things don't exist in the modern world. I assure you, and you know, they do. Thankfully my sister in law is a prime example of an evolved person who sees a man for what he is, and not a skin color.

[LoloWaye]

I've noticed people would prefer to pretend it down at exist because it doesn't happen to them and it's sad.

If you don't mind me asking how long have they been together?

[Opinion Owner]

They dated about 5 years before they got married.

[Mesonfielde]

You're not a bitch like all those other bitches!

Yay, good for you! You're an exception to my racist misogynistic remarks at this moment in time, but if you ever slip up I'll say you're just like all the other ones!

Let's hope this relation between us won't be abusive! Oh wait!

[LoloWaye]

And the point of your response was? If you don't ha e anything real to say please move on. This is a real issue I deal with every day and I don't appreciate the sarcasm or the jokes or any of that shit.

[Mesonfielde]

Oh, I added that because misogynistic people do the same thing all the time. It's quite sad.

[LoloWaye]

Oh I'm sorry for getting defensive. And for my rude comment. But yeah that's true, they do that and don't even realize it.

[Anonymous]

Great Take! When people say this, it is actually a back-handed compliment. I don't see it as a good thing. Also, it implies that before they met you they have negative perceptions about your race. You seem to be the token of your race. Yes, exception.

I can relate this as an Indian. Living in a country that is surrounded by ignorant people, I have gotten some back-handed compliments too. The most famous one is "you don't look like Indian, you are so beautiful, your skin is light, you don't smell at all, your father must be a doctor, how come you're so nice, are you mix" The list can go on and on.

To me when people say all these, they're fucking racist because they say it themselves "You're different than others that I have met"<-------------This statement enough to prove that they think negatively about your race but you seem to change their mentality. I wouldn't bother to give them time of day.

[dipta]

Yeah. I do hear "oh, you're not like American people " when I am in Japan. Not so much lately, now that I think about it.

I'm not putting down your feelings, just saying that sometimes we have to give people the opportunity of actually being able to learn by experiencing it first hand instead of believing in something they heard somewhere. Or maybe they really had some bad experience and here comes an opportunity for them to realize people are not all the same after all.
Maybe it was God who put you in their path so they can learn and you fulfilled that mission, if you are religious. :)

[Spirit_Is_Free]

I agree with you, it is a bit patronising and assumes stereotypes - Any group would feel a bit aggrieved by a statement like that to an individual member of that group - People should really think before they speak.

[Anonymous]

I've been told by black girls: "You're cool for a white person" and it sort of made me feel like shit. Anyway, good take!

[LoloWaye]

Thank you! And yeah that's definitely not cool.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome! :)

[SunsetRose]

I can't believe some people actually spew that kind of stupidity

[Transigence]

I don't say shit like that.
Please don't say, "people of color." We know it's code for "everybody but whites." And it's packed with the insinuation of some racial privilege we're supposed to have but don't and it's villianizing.

[LoloWaye]

I'm glad you don't but others do and that's who I was targeting. And I said POC because some black people say they're African Americans and others say they're Black Americans. I was not referring to other races. And I'm not making anyone a villan, I'm trying to let people know not to say that shit to me because it's insulting. No one mentioned anything about white privelage or whatever. You did.

[LoloWaye]

I have been told by all ethnicities this shit so what are you trying to say here?

[Transigence]

I've never heard anyone say that, at least not in the last 20 years, but then, I'm not black, and I run with people who have sense. So I don't mean to talk over your lived experience. I guess I was just getting defensive.

However, the POC thing does actually bother me. If you want to single out whites, say "everyone but whites," if it doesn't sound too racist to say what you're about to say afterwards. If it DOES sound racist, then saying "people of color" isn't going to help. We still know what you mean. Being singled out for being white, and accused of privilege, is the new racism. It comes from all races, including whites. It comes from "the left," if you will, or "progressives." It comes from institutional media, and it has power behind it.

When it comes to what to call just blacks, I happen to work in a VERY diverse place, with lots of actual African American immigrants, and so I use "African American," and "Black American" very carefully to distinguish...

[Transigence]

... The black Americans don't seem to give a shit but the African Americans really appreciate when Americans know the differences between African Americans and black Americans.

I don't think "African American" is appropriate for a black person who was born in America. I'm just as African as he or she is.

[LoloWaye]

I'm sorry, I didn't intend to single anyone out for being white or offend you. When I used that term, I was referring to specifically black people. I've heard negative comments from all races (I go to a pretty diverse college) so I should have made that clear.

My friends at college actually praise me for not being like other black people they have met. Their families do too. I feel like I've become the token black girl. I don't know how to address them without offending someone.

Whites being singled out for privalage is a big thing now. I've heard people express how they feel about it, both who believe it's there and who believe it isn't. Personally I feel I don't know enough about what happening with that to be able to form a fair opinion.

[LoloWaye]

How do you feel about it?

[LoloWaye]

How do you feel about the white privilege issue I mean

[Transigence]

It's okay. Offending people isn't that bad of a thing. You cannot give offense, others can only take it.

I think there's no such thing as white privilege. Whenever someone talks about "white privilege," they invariably point to the better lifestyles led by the RICH, and call it WHITE privilege. They aren't very quick to point to the white guy freezing to death on a park bench. They point to the top and say, "Look, a bunch of white people." They are making the "apex fallacy," which is the fallacy of composition. The guys at the top being white doesn't mean that every white person is privileged for being white. The guys at the top are not "in our corner," so to speak. They are in their own corner and they step on our heads every bit as much as they step on the heads of Hispanics and blacks.

There is such a thing as "rich privilege," and it's the product of, at best, being able to afford better shit, and, at worst, crony capitalism.

[Zombie-Killa]

So it's kind of like black people telling you that you are cool for a white guyor a white person?

[LoloWaye]

Haha yeah. Has anyone ever said that to you?

[Zombie-Killa]

Yeah, A few times.

[BarbaraP]

You're so right, that's terribly offensive.

[Anonymous]

great take your not like the other black people.. good job