When Your First And/Or Last Name is "Complicated"

[BeeNee]

I am the product of two different cultures. As such, my name reflects as much. I have an easy, by American ears, first name to pronounce which few people have problems with combined with what is apparently the most difficult last name in the entire world to pronounce. I kid you not, in my entire life, exactly four individuals upon meeting them for the first time have actually EVER pronounced it correctly. Two were from my dad's country, 1 had had my brother in a previous class (doesn't really technically count), and 1 was my choir director who was also a trained Opera singer, who told me it was because he had to learn so many languages, that he was able to easily pronounce it. Four people! That's it!

Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I've never struggled with a first or last name. I understand more than most, how hard it can be to pronounce something that your own language may not have sounds for or it isn't common or what have you, but here's where my frustration sets in. My name has a rich cultural history behind it steeped in tradition which I intend to carry on in my own legacy with family. Secondly, a boss, employer, doctor, associate, whomever, calls you Ms., Mrs., or Mr. (your last name) as a sign of respect or acknowledgement of your marriage, or in respect to the fact that you are no longer a child, and will typically be referred to as an adult by your last name. As such, upon first meetings, I will gladly spend however long it takes for the other person to get my name right. I will spell it out or say it phonetically, practice with you, reassure you, thank you with all my heart for learning to say it correctly, but for the few people who do take the time to do this, there are hundreds more who simply hear you pronounce it, completely dismiss your actual God given name, and decide without your permission that they are going to call you something else or by your first name. I wasn't aware someone else had the right to just decide for me what I was to be called if that someone wasn't my parent.

If you have an easy to pronounce name, you have no clue of the time suckage and frustration in your day a "complicated" name causes you. You get mail sent to you without your full name even listed or horribly misspelled. Every person who calls you has to have "the conversation" about your "weird" name. You have to wait patiently as the person on the other line tries to slowly figure out how to say your name rather then just have them ask you how it's supposed to sound. Your actual teacher may have finally gotten around to learning your name, but then what about the subs who then come in and butcher it all over again. You get team clothing, awards, diplomas, and certificates which should be a source of joy and pride for you to display, with your name misspelled on them and no, they tell you, they aren't going to engrave it again, give you another one, or re-do your jacket, to spell it right, you're stuck. Someone always wants you to explain in great detail where you're from, that other language you're supposed to be able to speak, and do you know this one person they are friends with in a whole entire country. Sigh...

All I ask of the people of the world is that when you encounter a name that you simply have no idea how to pronounce, remember that there is an actual person on the other end of that. If you can't say it right, ask them how to and try your best to say it correctly. Don't decide you are going to re-name a person because it's convenient for you---at least ask the other person if it is okay if you call them something else. If someone tells you how to pronounce their own last name, don't tell them that's not how you pronounce it (this has actually happened). Don't just dismiss their name as some kind of joke; they are human beings and for many people they or their families have survived a whole hell of a lot to get to this country and often their name and their memories are all they have of their other lives so show a little respect.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I have quite a simple first and surname so obviously I don't have your experience of it but was surprised by the workarounds other people used I would have thought that mispronunciation would be the main bug bear (issue) for you.
It reminds of an office I worked in but there was two guys with Irish names (In Ireland, Irish is the official native language but most people have basic Irish and English is their first language, long historical story) anyway these two guys, I could not get their names right if you gave me a million tries I would still mess it up, funnily enough the only person it got to was another guy who tried to teach me the correct pronunciation but I wore him down and he had to give up (LoL) to this day I never got it right. I probably have a mental block at this stage. I must have bad ears or something, I find so hard to get the pronunciation of things right even English.

[ieshaahmed786]

My first name is complicated... Different people pronounce it differently... by the way my name is Iesha (Esha)