Hello, My Name Is: "Not Your Second Choice"


Hello sir, my name is Not Your Second Choice, and I have a story to share with you. Once upon a time, my self-esteem was low, and I didn’t love myself. Subsequently, once upon a time I might have overlooked you mistaking me for Your Second Choice, given how close our names are after all. Back then, I might have believed you when you said you made a mistake, or that you were sorry; I would have considered that maybe you really meant it when you said you just weren’t emotionally available then, or that you were having a selfish phase that wasn’t indicative to the real you. I might have still considered giving you that rare second chance, back when I was too weak to say: my name isn’t Your Second Choice.

But no longer.

I am no longer that person, I am now: Not Your Second Choice. It is a title that I wear proudly, and a title that will never waver, because while I don’t consider myself a perfect ten in the department of looks, skill, and so on, I am still more than Your Second Choice. I am smart, I am kind, and I am devoted; I would love you with all of my being, and would cook the best damn steak you ever had. But that would only be under the circumstance that you made me your First Choice. Because any person, man or woman, with self-respect will not settle for being the option you fall back on when other ventures don’t pan out. If you want to date other girls, I support you and wish you the best, but don’t expect me to sit and wait like a spaniel as though you are my Only Choice. Because you aren’t, sir, you are not my only choice. Yes, you may be painful to lose, but I would sooner lose you than settle for being second best; the fallback plan; the rebound; an escape plan. I’m worth more than that, whether you see it or not.


If you cannot recognize me by my true name – Not Your Second Choice – then you are much better off not getting to know me at all, because I am not going to wait around for you to decide that I just might have been the one you called Your First Choice. For I am not an option that you can set aside and take out when you realize I might be worth something to you, I am not going to be another name on your list of potentials, I am not going to be the bandaid that fixes your recently failed relationship.

Hello, My Name Is: "Not Your Second Choice"

You either want me, and only me, or you are simply wasting time.

Hello, My Name Is: "Not Your Second Choice"
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Most Helpful Guy

  • OlderAndWiser
    This is precisely the attitude that strengthens your self-confidence without giving you any arrogance or bitchiness.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    Bravo. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

    You've made a gullible and impressionable 16 year old more confident in her decisions
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • thecd1979
    I know one or two women back in my hometown that fit this scenario of being the second choice or whats better known as the side chick. They love to whine and complain to everyone about how there are no nice guys out there, how all guys are jerks, but won’t place a higher value on themselves and believe they are worth more. Most of them are just going to have to learn the hard way. Good on you for breaking out of that mentality and believing you are worth more than that.
    • Anonymous

      Thank you very much.

  • ResearcherGuy
    Nice take, I liked it. You should, however, consider the idea that most guys are not crazy about devoting their attention to one girl and then being hurt when it doesn't work out. Annoying people on the Internet also like to write about 'one-itis' whatever that is. In a perfect world then, I would want someone and only them, and the relationship would work great. In the real-world (and most of my experiences...) that just isn't practical, but I wish it was...
    • Anonymous

      Oh I get it, don't get me wrong. If it's casual dating I completely understand you seeing other girls. HOWEVER, don't tell me I'm special and that you want me whilst courting another woman. It just isn't right. If you want things to be casual don't make it out to be more than what it really is, just be straight up.

    • Yeah you're totally right and I'd never do that. I guess I'm referring to the earlier stages of a relationship. Later on however, dating around and being dishonest would definitely not be acceptable at all for me.

    • Anonymous

      Yes I agree with you.

  • Rainman9
    What I don't like about these and similar posters is they are strictly from the woman's point of view. The first poster just sounds like a woman on her high horse. The second poster is basically an ultimatum. If a woman says that to a man, she better be prepared that he might go with the latter or end the relationship.
    • Anonymous

      Uh yeah it's a woman's perspective because I am a woman and I am speaking from a personal perspective. Also, if he wants to pursue other women that is absolutely okay. I take issue with the men who string more than one woman along. If you date casually that's totally acceptable, but don't tell somebody that you want them and only them if you in fact aren't sure of that. At the very least be honest about it so the two of you can handle it appropriately.

    • Rainman9

      I agree, be honest if you don't want to commit to someone.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I wouldn't hold it against any guy that honestly didn't want to be committed, I'd thank him for his honesty and just move on accordingly.

  • shortandsweet24
    Amen, dear! And, perfectly timed, in my case. Thank you so much for posting this. It's something in which I really needed to see. No one should be a second choice...
    • Anonymous

      You are most welcome.

  • KDA20
    As I always say about the best takes sometimes you just have nothing to add - Well said, good job.
    • Anonymous

      Oh you. <3

  • HikerDude
    Why then, is it okay for guys to be just a name on a girl's list of potentials? Y'all seem to be perfectly happy when you're the choosers who can make guys line up for a mere chance with you.
    • Anonymous

      It isn't okay, not at all. If you also noticed by my responses to other men, in the early stages of dating it's completely okay to have multiple options. But if you get to a point where you are leading somebody on as though you are going to be exclusive whilst hiding another relationship from this person, I don't believe that's okay. If you simply want to date casually you should make that known, and that goes for men and women.

    • HikerDude

      I've just noticed that women take great offense when they're not a guy's absolute number 1 choice, but they expect guys to line up and vie for their attention as if auditioning for role on a TV show. Most guys are so desperate for sex that they do it gladly, and many of these same guys are the ones who screw over girls the worst, being that their interest wanes once their initial urge has been satisfied.

      No one wants to be a second choice, but most often, that's precisely what we are, guys especially. Girls usually take so long to become interested in a guy that we're beggars for at least a portion of the early going.

    • Anonymous

      I'm not one of those women my friend. I don't expect men to line up for me and I honestly wouldn't prefer it. I'm the type of person who initiates, actually, so I'm typically the one to show interest first and I believe both parties need to put forth the same effort. I feel there's nothing wrong with, after a reasonable amount of time of discussing exclusivity, to have the expectation that there isn't a secret relationship involved.

      It seems more to me that you're talking more about women you dislike than what I was actually writing and therefore made a lot of very off assumptions since I am nothing like the women you described, sir.

    • Show All
  • Rawrzz
    Er... With that profile picture, you can be my first choice. o. o;;;; Almost makes me want to start dating again. >.> That black choker kills me every time.

    Though, good luck finding a guy who only wants you. At least, at the beginning. They pretty much have to shotgun to find someone who is interested in them. Just like you can't sit around and wait like a spaniel, neither can they. I think this post could also apply to men. I think a lot of females, maybe even most, often do tend to keep a couple men in reserve to watch them grow and see if they become relationship material, because they see some unactualized potential in them. What's it called. "Back up boys/men."

    Particularly after they've broken up with someone, then call a guy they know likes them just to avoid being single for a bit or for revenge, not for any interest in the guy. I actually had one girl I knew when I was a teen contact me on Facebook after 5 years of not talking. It was so obvious she had just broken up and was really digging the bottom of the barrel to find a guy to tell her ex "Look. I don't need you." Or just to avoid being single. Was not playing that game.

    Unless you're referring to a relationship which was already ongoing and the guy was like "hold up one second, lemme go bang that chick."

    Though, how does your desire fit in with porn and guys pervasively looking at other women? In that case, you would be asking for quite a lot, don't you think? Given the male instinct coded into the brain.
    • Anonymous

      Like I have said to other guys with this sort of response: in the early stages I 100% understand, especially if it's casual. But when you get to the point where you're telling a girl you only want her, and that she's special and you want to be more it isn't fair or appropriate to then start seeing another woman at the same time in my opinion. If you want to do that, that's okay, but I'd appreciate knowing so I can know and move on appropriately. If it's early, I get that I am not going to be your one and only.

    • Rawrzz

      Sounds fair enough. Though how do you define early, is the thing. Except I think you might be disappointed more often than not if that also applies to men looking at other women.

      So long as it doesn't turn into something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6Ca1j-h9H0

    • Anonymous

      The person I wrote this about and I had known each other for 2 years.

    • Show All
  • Rei02
    Thanks for sharing, you are right, no one deserves to be the second choice.

    If one agrees or has agreed to be, it has been because some reasons, one has been afraid to been alone and another because you have a crush on him or her.

    In That case, one has to work on the self-esteem.
  • lana77
    Girl... thank you for this. You are so right. I'm in this situation now and this was really helpful and encouraging to read. It's an extremely difficult thing to walk through.
  • lacorine197
    Whenever I read about a women who is "Independent" I picture someone who has an attitude immediately after saying what I believe shouldn't be held offensive. But then again, I'm not a woman. Lol
    • Anonymous

      I never knew that there were people who took independence negatively. Strange.

    • Yes, unfortunately cause it has so much connotations with it, some can be bad people who are indepedent who have the mindset of "he does what I tell him to do or he can get out, he's wrong wrong wrong" "I pay for my own shit I don't need him" then you have good ones, I can't think of an example, from experience, but of course there is always the good with the bad, bad with the good thing. I wouldn't mind an independent woman as long as she has a good attitude/personality, but it's very very hard to find in my opinion nowadays, like.001 % :(

    man this sounds a lot like a swoozie vid, I've never been in a relationship so i can't say i actually understand a lot of being a second choice or even choosing a second choice, but i think it is all equality like you said, treat as youd like to be treated
    • Anonymous

      Swoozie is bae.

    • TMWLOP

      LOL IKR!!! jk but he's really awesome an down to earth, taken a lot of what he say's to heart

    • Anonymous

      Me as well my friend me as well.

  • Metlahaed
    I choose 3 and none are my first second or third choice, I am equally devoted to them all :) polyamory rox my sox
    • Anonymous

      Hey to each their own man, I wish you happiness there.

    • Metlahaed

      I'm extremely happy thank you! I wish you happiness too :)

  • AlwaysBelieving
    Good take. I hope more guys and gals read this one.

    I have never wanted to date more than one person at a time (even in the beginning stages). It's tough enough figuring out how you and one other person feel about each other in my opinion.
  • oddwaffle
    I don't know. I don't really want to be a choice of someone. I'd rather be the one doing the choosing. I personally prefer to have multiple choices. I can use that to threaten my primary choice or maybe I just let them stew a little without doing anything. Yeah, I am evil.

    My advice, never be the choice. Be the one doing the choosing. It a whole different view.
  • dogman8073
    You are right to feel the way you do as you value yourself. Because of your lack of skill your not my type.
    • Anonymous

      Uh, I wasn't concerned about being your type but thanks?

    • dogman8073

      That was a generalized statement. Not directed at you. Just as you have standards so do i. I was agreeing with you

    • Anonymous

      Oooh I see, rereading it I got what you meant, my mistake.

    • Show All
  • joeb73
    good for you in standing up for your self. some guys might not like it but who cares, you deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect like you give to others.
  • Polocrew
    Started from the side, we still there, started from the side now my whole team still fucking there, started from the side, we still there
  • nileve
    We are all second choices though

    I agree with the I'm not perfect but good enough
  • BrunetteNYC
    Amen!! But no fear, losers like this always come crawling back.
  • Dylanguest1989
    I'm not a second option either. I've been called that and I left over it. You go girl!
    • I'd rather be alone than date someone who just wants to have a boyfriend

  • Enaya
    Yes, this is who I am, always have been and been advised by millions of articles, friends and magazines not to be so black and white. The advice was all about how to soften yourself up and dumb yourself down and put up with bs to keep a man. I don't need to keep a man that badly. The right man makes you his first choice and sticks to it. I am capable of committment, and I don't have time for people who feel uncertain about my value. I ad a man like that recently who thought he could put me on the backburner. I let him know as soon as he got evasive that the ship sailed.

    Everyone should be like this rather than being someone else to keep a man or woman. Guys, stop putting up with friendzoning. Girls, stop putting up with men who think they can use you without giving anything in return.
  • Crazyced
    Girl will reserve these kinds of walls of text to the guys they are really attracted to. The one's that makes them hot and bothered qnd not by coincidence, usually the ones with options.

    Other, less noteworthy guys don't get walls of text. They simply fall into oblivion as the girl quicly forget about them. And this reguardless othe their eagerness of making the girl their number one. Because as some see it, where's the achevment of being number one if you're the only one?

    As a guy, you have to make them wish to be your number one. And for that you at least have to make her feel that she's not also the only and last one.
  • Chief16
    Well... Um. Someone's upset.
    • Anonymous

      I was, but that's the beauty of using expression to write.

    • Chief16

      Easily. Write away, dear girl. Write away.😁

  • Bitterpill
    Great take! I agree with you, nobody should accept being second choice.
  • Klara-Hitler
    You have a strange name. It's very exotic.
  • TheHooptyMiata
    In this thread: side hoe gets butthurt.
    • Anonymous

      I am not a hoe, thank you I was however hurt by somebody so you are correct.

    • There's your problem. Don't rely on other people, because they always let you down. I'm just some cunt on the internet, so you don't have to listen, but love is a lie. Hey, I'd tell you I loved you to the end of the Earth then fuck you and leave in the night, never to be seen again. It's just a word, and the sooner you stop falling for it the sooner you stop placing your happiness in some fuckboy's hands. My advice is get laid, make bank, and don't ever think you need a romantic relationship.

    • Anonymous

      I don't rely on other people, thank you very much. I never stated I was in love with this person either. I'm independent and completely sound emotionally but I was inspired to write this take. Your personal issues with love and negativity is all on you my friend, you've severely misread this situation.

    • Show All
  • SakuraChii
    Another nice take
  • bluenose1872
    Who are you talking to?
    • Anonymous

      The voices in my head, who else?

    • You make yourself sound generic. We're not all strong, independent, patient, loyal or intelligent. We just like to think we are. If you get a handful of real friends in a lifetime, fall in love and get your heart broken once and get through to a decent age with all you faculties in order and in good health your doing better than most people. You can only savour success once you've been exposed to failure. Never see any of life's lessons as failures. How do you know you've reached the top if you've never seen the bottom? I've been in hell and back and I don't regret a moment. I get to savour where I am more because I know where i came from. Second best is better than no place at all

    • Anonymous

      If being who I am as an individual makes me generic then I am happy to be generic. I've also never stated anything about not appreciating failure, I think this experience has shaped me for the better but that doesn't mean I can't acknowledge what I was going through when I wrote this. I believe very much in expression and that was the purpose of this take. I'm not under the assumption that I should never experience heartbreak, I understand that it happens. I think you are making assumptions about me quite frankly and you missed the entire point of the take.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    So many people settle, and run off the second something better (in their opinion) comes along. That's what my girlfriend did after 3 years of us being together. It's an awful way of losing someone. You realise you were just 2nd best all that time and she was just putting up with you despite everything she said. That kind of thing can easily make you bitter if you let it.
  • Anonymous
    This is incredibly powerful! I love it and can't wait to have the courage to say that to someone I have in mind who deserved it over 3 years ago!
  • Anonymous
    I wish I could have gotten my first choices. Now, unless they should be free again, all that's left are second choices and down. It's like... there's nothing good I can do. Go after someone I'm only lukewarm about and have it probably fall apart due to it coming out that they are my second choice, or saying nothing and languishing in a relationship I have no enthusiasm for, feeling just as alone as if I were single... or just be single for life.

    I know it's a bad thing to do to treat someone like a second choice. And yet, all I can do is that or nothing. It's lousy for everyone.
  • Anonymous
    Very good. Im glad you have decided to give up being a victim and join us in the adult world
  • Anonymous
    Couldn't your take also apply to men who women conveniently show interest towards when their nearing 30's or 30+ but otherwise in their youth showed little to no interest or straight up rejected them?
    • Anonymous

      Well this was a personal take, it wasn't meant to implied to anybody but myself. It's similar to a monologue. If you'd like to see that perhaps you should take the initiative to right that yourself being a male in his thirties, as I am a woman in her twenties speaking about personal experiences.

  • Anonymous
    Alright, congrats!

    On the same token, I'm not gonna date any of these chicks who were too good for me when they were young and pretty and then once the asshole hot guys they want to sleep with stop wanting to fuck them now want me just because I have a nice job.

    I'll be going with the hot young ones, thanks.
    • Anonymous

      ... Okay?