Am I the only one on the planet who doesn't believe that "It's not you, it's me" is an excuse?
Have you been on one side or the other of this line in a break up situation? Does anyone buy this explanation? After it happened to me, I stepped back and asked: Is this what is used by people who have compassion, and just don't want to hurt others, or is it used as a lame excuse that someone uses when they don't want to just say the truth?
While it can be a total load of crap and the person saying it is just trying to get out of the relationship cleanly without hurting anyone’s feelings, sometimes, it’s genuine.
I can, however, almost guarantee you've delivered that line at some point in time. Haven't we all? Don't feel bad; it happens. Sometimes, we don't feel those fireworks or hear the wedding bells with the person to whom we gave our digits last week. Ain’t no shame in that! Not to mention, it’s always easier to avoid hurting feelings, and to avoid talking about whatever the “it’s me” truly is. No one likes to bring insecurities to the surface, so the vaguer, the better.
I believe people should actually use this line to improve a relationship. To replace frustration with equality. I mean does honesty exist? Why do people use this when ending a relationship, instead of using it as an exercise in self improvement? You see, in a break up, no matter what the breakerupper says, the breakupee will pick it apart and analyze every word anyway. Yes maybe this line has been overworked, over used and has become cliche. I had it used on me to simply tear my heart apart. But I still truly believe most people use it when they mean it, but may lack communication skills. The person saying it might actually be taking responsibility for their inability to please you. Most people have an ounce of compassion, and I believe when someone is hurting you, they are actually hurting themselves.
So, again, I don’t understand why the notion of “it’s not you, it’s me” is so vilified.
The people who say it are just “using a line” to get out of a relationship. It’s not just a line — a lot of the time, it’s the truth.
I truly believe those words: " It's not you, it's me" have a deeper meaning, but ultimately, it is up to the person receiving the words to know and decide. Know the person who spoke them to you. Were they a kind soul? Were they a total jerk, who was blowing you off, and truly feeding you a line? Was it a cop-out? I think if you use the line, you need to use it sincerely, and possibly elaborate to give the breakupee more clarity. As the receiver of this line, I have felt as if it was really ME! No matter how hard the person tried to explain that it was them, I saw it as "What is wrong with me?" The bottom line it is rejection, and rejection hurts. We all have a core need for acceptance and belonging, and any rejection hurts.
After looking into this some, and using my own personal feelings, I have found that this line is typically used as an excuse by someone who is emotionally unavailable on some level. So after some time, and picking apart the person who used the line on me, I think first, I have now realized it was NOT me, and second, it will help me to spot someone who may not be able to give me what I want/need in any future relationship.