Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

Shpongolia

Nowadays it seems that many famous modern artists try hard to be silly, offensive, half-assed, and put poetic meaning in pointless shit they call art.

Now before you art enthusiasts crucify me due to my harsh words, I will acknowledge there are good modern artists out there. But they are becoming a scarcity against all the rubbish the art establishment keeps putting out.

The impressionist movement in the early 20th century ruined centuries of artistic wonder of each generation of artists trying to out perform the last one with higher standards. We started out thousands of years ago with artists of the highest standards of Da Vinci, Rembrant, Waterhouse

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

Now we have paint splatter artists like Jackson Pollock:

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

And readymade artists like Marcel Duchamp and his worthless urinal.

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

To all the halfwitted talentless modern artists out there: No, their is no "deeper meaning" to your colored squares or your splattered finger paintings that took you less than 10 minutes to create. And no, there is no "deeper meaning" behind it either. Your fucking paint splatters don't symbolize the plight of dirt farmers in Venezuela, it's just paint splatters for fuck sake. You're just being a pretentious, pseudointellectual twat.

So, you think putting a Jesus Christ crucifix in a vat of your own urine is edgy and offensive? That's fine, but why won't the art establishment allow any drawings of the prophet Muhammad? That's right, the government will cut off all your funding if you do anything politically incorrect.

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

Readymade art is the worst. Readymade art is when an artist buys a product at the store, gives it a name, puts it on display (sometimes after painting it a different color, sometimes doing nothing to it at all), and gets paid thousands of dollars for it. For example Marcel Duchamp's Urinal or Snow Shovel.

Hell, I could do a readymade myself: Behold my red brick:

Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks

I call this piece "Cell"

[Speaking in the tone of a snooty art snob]: "Eh-hemm... Cell is presented here as a red brick. Red bricks are singular building blocks that create man made structures when they converge together. Cells are biological building blocks that when they converge together, create multicellular life forms such as plants and animals. The redness of "Cell" represents blood, the fluid of life. Blood is life. Pathways and buildings constructed from red bricks represent the toil and bloodshed of the working class proletariat who builds these structures to keep society intact. Without the working class proletariat we have no society. Without buildings, we have no society. Without blood, there is no life."

And there you have it.

The Los Angeles Museum spent $10 million for a Rock (your hard earned tax dollars at work)


Why I Believe Modern Art Sucks
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Fathoms77
    Well done, and I have to agree.

    In the past year, I've visited places like the Whitney and MOMA in NYC and frankly... I don't get it. I read the little placards next to the pieces - like a big long explanation as to why a single green triangle in the middle of a white canvas - that tried to explain why the art was so special. I read it all, looked a long time, and...

    Hey, I'm no art expert. I understand that. But I'm a reasonably intelligent person. All I really see is a lot of words that frankly I could've written, and honestly can't be refuted because you can't really say, "oh, that can't be true." In other words, it just seems to me like they're making shit up to compensate for the fact that we simply don't HAVE any great artists anymore. We just refuse to accept it, I think.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • kittykatbrat
    The best part about modern art is that no one really takes it seriously.
    Its fun, interesting and unexpected.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • BCRanger10
    A few years ago, my family went to the art museum in Chicago. Some-crazy-how, my sister spent the next several hours trying to convince us that a "painting" of four straight black lines represented stages of human development or some goofy thing like that.

    Modern art is terrible.
  • Bluemax
    I remember reading something by Desmond Morris about a contemporary art critic/analyst who was shown a modern painting and asked to give his impression on it. The analyst correctly deduced that the painter was an Asian female. Everything else he attempted to deduce was wrong, including the species of the artist.

    The painter was an Indian elephant.

    When it was revealed to him that the painter was an elephant, he responded by saying, "Wow! That's one talented elephant!"

    I guess the thought of responding, "Wow! I'm a fraud!" didn't occur to him.
  • Anonymous
    Most of modern art is so terrible. I don't even like to look at it. Some of it looks pleasant though.
    • Shpongolia

      There are some good modern art pieces out there. I do find myself admiring abstract sculptures made of metal, wood, or stone. There are many abstract and vague interpretive artwork out there that are beautiful. But when a janitor mistakes the art in a museum for trash and throws it away (yes it has happened before), then we have a problem

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