No, Body Shaming Doesn't do Any Good

[Anonymous]

Hello everybody!

I'm a relatively new member of this site (been here for about a month) and so many questions on here deal with insecure young people asking about their weight. When I first saw the comments under those, I couldn't believe my eyes. Instead of encouraging others to love themselves, which was what I still had hope for, even though it's the Internet, most of you seem to think it's a good idea to bash them as "fat" and to make them feel ashamed of their body.

Has your mama not taught you some manners? Do you think it's okay to tell someone "yeah, you're a fat and therefore lazy and bad"? Well, I already can hear all the health fanatics coming in, chanting their never ending choirs of "but they're unhealthy, I just want to help them, so it's okay!!!!"

NEWSFLASH FROM A FORMERLY OVERWEIGHT GIRL: no, it's not okay. I don't care about how good and pure your intentions might be, but you don't know anything about the person behind the screen. They might be struggling with an eating disorder. Maybe they already have a low self-esteem because of the way they look. Would you know if the asker is on the verge of suicide? What if I told you that your hate might be the final push?

And apart from that: Why is it your business? You probably don't know that person, you're probably not friends with that person, you're not sleeping with that person. I guess you wouldn't just go out in the street and yell "you're fat" at a stranger either, wouldn't you? Oh yes, because it's RUDE.

Plus, who gave you the authority? Where's your PhD in medicine? In nutrition? You don't have one, do you? So no actual authority to talk about that anyway. In case do have one: you surely did a proper assessment of that person and their lifestyle before voicing your professional opinion?

Well, you see where we're going with this. I don't want it to be confused as an apology for obesity, which is dangerous and shouldn't be encouraged, or as an attack against people who genuinely promote a healthy life (which includes both physical and mental health) but unless you have a real qualification apart from some side "education" and have properly assessed the situation, you have no business with another person's body.

[AleDeEurope]

Honestly, if you ask for advice or just to tell you how your body looks, I'm gonna be honest. If you're fat, then you're fat, I'm not gonna lie to you telling you you look good. You're the one that should love your body, not me, so if you wanna love the fact that you're fat, go ahead, love it, but I'm not gonna love it, and if you ask for my opinion, I'll be honest with you.
If you ask for advice on whatever, I don't believe in sugarcoating stuff, that doesn't work with me, so I'm gonna use the method that does work which is being tough on you. Maybe it works with you, maybe it doesn't, but you asked me for advice, so that's my advice. Don't like it? Don't ask ever again.

I won't go to a fat girl in the streets and tell them "excuse me? You're fat" 'cause she never asked for my opinion, so comparing that situation with one where you're asked for advice/opinion, doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

There are always annoying, irritating people in the world. We can't control their behaviors; we can just control ours. Telling people what to do or what not to do is futile, if you are equal in status with them. Only a superior can do something about the situation, and if that superior takes your side, then great. But if not, then you just have to ignore that irritating person, no matter how hard it seems.

The only thing we can do is to be emotionally strong and defend ourselves from these emotional attacks.

[Anonymous]

I was skinny as a teenager and was constantly shamed for allegedly being anorexic (I ate like trash compactor lol). When I finished Navy boot camp ten years ago, I was 140 pounds, which was within Navy standards, and was considered "fat" by the average male standards (even though civilian BMI classified it as overweight by only ten pounds). Now, I'm 5'6" and I'm 245 pounds and trying to lose for my health. I very rarely get fat shamed and when I do, the opinion is not asked for and the opinion owner is always a man who can stand to lose at least a hundred pounds himself (and I have no problem calling him out on that). If I already know that I'm fat, I don't need you telling me.

As for those who think it's okay to fat shame people, yeah it can motivate them to lose the weight but it can also have an adverse psychological affect on the person, especially if he or she is an emotional eater. It's fine not to be attracted to plus size women, but if she doesn't ask your opinion don't give it to her. And if she does, give it to her constructively and don't be a dick about it. Because then she'll feel hurt and rejected, and she'll turn to food because food doesn't reject.

Lastly, I want to debunk what one user said about fat people not having relationships or having sex. I work in a bridal shop, and we cater to brides and grooms of all sizes. Many of our brides are sizes 16 to 26. While it's true that we have more limited options, there is still hope for us. Like I said, I'm 245 pounds but I'm also proportionate and my weight is evenly distributed throughout my body and while I'm not currently looking for a relationship, I still get hit on and checked out rather frequently. I think it's really all in your attitude, and as long as you stay positive and love yourself, you're fine. I'm a Christian (not trying to convert anyone here so don't think that), and my way of staying positive is remembering Proverbs 29:25. "Fear of human opinion is crippling. Trusting in God protects you from that."

[Sametheon]

Looking down in these comments, I find it hilarious how it's very obviously the same 2 women downvoting everything that disagrees with this mytake. I'll tell the utter, unbridled truth, which is that it isn't always a good thing to have a positive body image.
If a morbidly obese person dies because enough people convinced them that it's alright to continue their unhealthy habits, then that's one less life on this earth for the sole purpose of virtue signalling.
And that's what it is. Not all body types are attractive, and societal standards exist. You can only convince somebody so much that they're perfectly attractive despite weighing 350 pounds. They'll eventually wonder why they aren't in a relationship, never have sex, and are utterly alone. Hell, they might think it's something they CAN'T change, like their personality or preferences. Trust me, it's much worse thinking people hate you for who you are and not how you look. Especially considering weight is nearly always something that can be changed and improved.
I don't approach people for the purpose of telling them they're fat. I'm not a dickhead. But if somebody asks, I'll politely drop it to them that losing some weight would help their health and happiness.

[myTake Owner]

I don't agree with ALL the things you say but honestly, you're one of the few people in the comments who don't agree with what I wrote and managed to give an insightful, polite opinion, so thank you for that. :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

I agree with your opinion completely. :)

[Sametheon]

The road to an actual solution, no matter who is actually right, is through civil discussion, not screaming. Happy to be a part of it :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

These people who are coming here saying that being fat is somehow "promoting obesity" are in fact delusional.

First of all, how is being fat promoting obesity? You think people look at fat people and are like, "Oh, I want to be fat like her!"? No! Literally nobody thinks like that. Nobody (except a select few of the population) wants to be fat! Many people, including myself are struggling with their weight, and for people to be rude and to put them down does not help AT ALL. In fact it may make the situation all the more worse. Have you ever heard of people eating when they are stressed, depressed, or even bored? This is the equivalent to how some don't eat while these things, and everyone copes with their maladies differently. To ruin someone's day by pointing out their insecurities is just a shitty thing to do. You wouldn't want me to point out that you were bad terrible at the instrument you play or whatever insecurity you may have, so why do you feel the need to point out the fact that someone is fat? SO FUCKING WHAT?

It pisses me off how people try to write off fat shaming as okay! There are girls and guys who are against "skinny shaming", and that's bad as well, but why is it okay to shame a fat person? Because the amount of fat on their body determines their health? Well... newsflash! You are not their doctor! You don't know what exactly is going on within them, and ultimately, anybody can have the potential to be unhealthy, not just fat people.

TL;DR
It is up to the individual themselves if they want to lose weight. If they are unhappy at their so size then they have to decide for themselves that they want to change it. Fat shaming does NOT work, and not only does it make you look like a judgmental prick, but in fact it can make the situation worse. Have a little compassion for people different than you and stop judging people for what is on the outside and look a little deeper.

Good myTake. Woo, it feels good to get that off my chest.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

I think that being fat is unhealthy, but people should keep their distasteful opinions to themselves as being a prick isn't cool. :)
I used to be fat myself but I decided for myself that I wanted to lose weight and ended up losing over 50 pounds.

[Maik567]

Encouraging someone who is overweight to love their body is fucking irresponsible. Encouraging them to improve is the right thing to do.

You pretend like these comments are somehow completely unprompted or something but even you said that these people are THEMSELVES asking if they are fat or not. If your self esteem is so horrible that you can't even handle honesty, then honestly you need to stay the fuck away from the internet in general.

It's my business if they literally ask for opinions, you might have a point if people were just randomly calling them fat but if someone LITERALLY ASKS IF THEY ARE FAT OR NOT and people answer that then what the fuck is your problem?

And I need to be a doctor to be able to tell when someone is clearly obese? No I fucking don't, you're completely ridiculous.

"Well, you see where we're going with this."

No, I see where you are going with your poorly though out rant. This whole post was about people literally asking for opinions, but then you apparently completely forget about that in the rest of your post and whine about people answering their fucking questions.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Shame deters people from bad actions. Being fat is a series of bad actions. It's not a disease. It's not magic that makes you fat. It's basic math. Actively making the choice to consume more calories than you burn.

Saying we shouldn't shame fat people, is like saying we shouldn't shame liars, or people who don't shower or wash their hands. Shame deters bad actions.

Don't be fat. That body isn't "beautiful"-- Oprah is full of shit. That body is unhealthy. And by encouraging the idea that fat is okay, you are making people comfortable with staying fat-- AND THAT is what kills people.

Obesity kills 300,000 Americans every year. So, talk about pushing people over the edge? Suicide is far rarer-- and suicide over obesity is nearly unheard of. Sorry that you need some perspective from the school of hard knocks-- but that's life. We didn't have 300,000 people dying of obesity every year, until people like you started saying we can't shame fat people. Your legacy, and the legacy of like minded people to you, is one of growing obesity and mass genocide.

What next, people shouldn't be shamed for not being hygienic? Then hundreds of thousands can die to contact transmitted illnesses.

[Randomname02]

I agree. Body shaming doesn't do any good. Encouraging and supporting however might provide to something productive. Therefore I agree on the fact that you should be extremely careful about what you say. But there is a line, like you say. And therefore I believe body accepting could be as destructive as it is productive. But you should always think before you say anything, and therefore I agree with you very much. Just don't drive acceptance to far. We already have enough of this acceptance thing now. But, yes, you shouldn't shame, but encourage. You bring out a good message.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. :)

[Anonymous]

You are a "former overweight" girl...
What made you decide to stop being overweight?

The funny part of this post is that men generally don't tell women they are overweight because we know it will lead to massive attacks from all women around us. But women openly and without recourse tell men they are fat and even make comments like "ewwww gross" directly at males. So when it comes to being RUDE... female generally need to look in the mirror (ironically).
Yes telling someone to their face that they are fat is wrong, and that is why most guys don't do it. But "body shaming" in generally isn't wrong. If an overweight girl is dressing in little to no clothing, it's visually disturbing and she shouldn't have a right to force that image onto unsuspecting people.
queerfatfemme.com/.../denisesubway.jpg

As far as needing a PhD in nutrition... you don't need one to look up the health benefits of not being overweight, or the disadvantages of being overweight. Simple heath studies and statistics can give you that information.

Lifestyle has everything to do with being overweight, as you have proven since you are a "former" overweight girl, you know that changing your lifestyle is what lost you the weight.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, I was overweight and I did change my life style but let me tell you, body shaming was the reason why I went from slightly thicker to actually being overweight in the first place. The lifestyle change happened when I discovered body positivity and learned to take joy in things again, especially fitness and dancing which I loved pre-body shame. I felt to fat for doing it then. Plus, I stopped over-eating, which started when I got depressed.
And listen, I got comments on how fat I was for 3 years every single day. I know how it feels to get rude comments, nobody helped me either, that's not gender specific.
I don't deny that being overweight is unhealthy but not every overweight person is unhealthy and not every skinny person is healthy, so there's no reason to rudely judge someone's body.

[Opinion Owner]

You stopped over eating, which was the major part of why you were over weight.
Diet is 80%, exercise is 20%

When you got comments about how fat you were... was it direct from males to your face?
Most often girls are the ones who are harsh to other girls. Because women are catty and know how to destroy someone's self esteem. They do it to both sexes easily. But aside from high school childishness, most males know better than shame women to their face for their weight.

the not every fat person is unhealthy thing is foolish, being over weight is always worse for you body than not being over weight. Just like being under weight is not as healthy. But unless you are anorexically thin, being thin is always better than being overweight. The fat buildup over your heart alone is a major health issue.

I don't "shame" fat people, but I will openly admit to not finding it attractive. I shouldn't have to pretend I like fat just because of the fat positive nonsense.

[Maypai]

I agree! Body shaming does absolutely NOTHING for most people. You just make them want to run for food to comfort them self.

I have learn from experience that NOBODY can make you lose weight. You have to want to lose it yourself. You need to have that drive. That motivation. After being that chubby girl for almost my entire life I have finally decided that I am not going to stand around and envy every attractive female that passes me. I am no longer going to cry because of how I look. Everyone needs to come to that point in their life before doing anything to better themselves. The best thing to give them motivation and encouragement. Not be a douche about it.

[Bandit74]

Of all the things someone could be made fun of or "shamed" for, weight is at least something that 1. was at least partially a result of your lifestlye choices, and 2. within your power to change.

There are so many other things that people are mocked for or perceived as less desirable for that they had no control over and can't change as easily.

[myTake Owner]

Well, you're right and that's something I'm personally very against. I simply picked weight because that's sadly becoming more common and more narrow in standards and it's something that had a big negative impact on my life. Anyway, thank you for sharing your opinion :)

[TheRebelReturns]

"Unless you have a real qualification apart from some side "education" and have properly assessed the situation, you have no business with another person's body."

And unless you have a real qualification apart from some side "Education" and have properly assessed the situation, you have no business with another person's opinion on "Fat" people.

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[sovetskii13]

I don't fat or skinny shame anyone here. The asker asks what my thoughts are about his or her looks. I give them my opinion and suggest something that can help them if they ask for it. Is it wrong for me to give my honest opinion and offer suggestions for them? I don't see anything wrong with that. If I say something like "You're so fat/ugly, you will never get a boyfriend" - that would body-shaming. But if I say something like "Your belly area is bigger or wider than the rest of your body. I suggest doing more crunches to flatten it which will make your body more proportionate and increase your health" - How is that a bad thing to say? Everyone wants to look their best and be as healthy as possible, right? I definitely think so. If my suggestion is something they cannot do for whatever reason, at least I tried. And hope something gave them an idea on what I think they should try aiming for.

[Chico_brah]

Body shaming actually could be implemented in a correct way to yield results. In the Marine Corps... they took body shaming to a whole new level. We had this platoon called PCP (Portchop Platoon) It was where all of that fat disgusting slobs would go in bootcamp when they couldn't keep up to par with normal physical standards. The drill instructors would crush cookies in their and throw their meal on the deck in the chow hall. They called them fat disgusting slobs every day.

Well let's just say that there are not very many fat Marines aha.

[JohnDoe3000]

"And apart from that: Why is it your business?"

They make it our business by asking for our opinion...

People don't have to assholes about it but they shouldn't lie to fat people telling them they look fit because A) being fat is unhealthy and B) the rest of the world is certainly not going to give fat people special treatment, in fact they'll probably treat them worse, even if they present a facade of being nice and not telling fat people they're fat.

You can't just say we should lie to 10 fat people and let them deal with the negative consequences of being fat just because maybe there's 1 insecure teenager who would commit suicide if you tell them they're fat, even though that person asked you for your honest opinion him/herself.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

If you wanted actual, guaranteed constructive criticism, you should go in a fitness forum or ask an actual fitness expert or nutritionist.
Instead, you posted a question in a general opinion forum which, if you spent like, 45sec scrolling through random questions on the front feed page, you'd know is definitely NOT known for it's abundance of uplifting and lighthearted comments.
Body shaming, for the most part, only works when the person actually feels shame because they /know/ there's something they want to change. Instead of asking unhelpful questions like "is this amount of fat okay" or whatever, ask some useful questions about exercising or diet or someshit. Help yourself first and ask the right questions.

[MaiNameIsSunshine]

People to me in 2015: You're too skinny, do you even eat?
People to me in 2016 (I was on a medication that causes weight gain): You're so chubby, have you ever heard of diet and exercise?

I hate people, really.

[myTake Owner]

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that :( don't let it get to you!

[MaiNameIsSunshine]

I won't, people are quite dim sometimes so I never mind what others say.

[SvetlanaSavachenko]

People come in all sizes, shapes and colors, it's called diversity and I appreciate everyone for who they are as an individual. I've never shamed anyone on here or in real life. I have my own insecurities for which I've been shamed and I know how it feels so I don't dish it out.

[Anonymous]

Look. Body shaming isn't NICE. But it's kind of simplistic to say it doesn't WORK. And no--I'm not saying that it ALWAYS works for EVERYONE, but I am saying that it DOES work. Lots of motivation is drawn from pain avoidance, rather than pleasure seeking. In fact, avoiding pain is a FAR greater motivator for most people than is seeking pleasure. And body shaming is ONE source of that pain.

The issue isn't body shaming per se, it's what the body shamed DOES with that motivation that matters. If they take a POSITIVE reaction--like exercising and eating right to get into shape, that leads to a good outcome for them. If instead they go all self destructive, well that's not so good. But it's up to each individual to decide how they react. At best they could get positive motivation, and at the very least they could choose to ignore it.

[myTake Owner]

I don't know how I should feel about that. Your point isn't invalid and I respect your opinion but in my personal experience it's easier to motivate someone with positivity and support, not shame. And it might motivate others to try more extreme measures in order to lose weight, which might result in an eating disorder. But I'm kind of biased with my own history and those of people I know, so there might be some truth in that.

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha! Why isn't my point valid? Using positivity is just ONE way to motivate people and most certainly NOT the ONLY way. If you've ever seen coaches motivating athletes you'd see that a LOT of them use less positive "feel good" ways to motivate and it works very well. Once again--people are VERY motivated by avoiding pain. Usually moreso than they're motivated by seeking positive praise or pleasure. This is very well researched and has strong academic basis. I agree with you that SOME people take their sensitivity to harsh motivations too far and respond with eating disorders. But that doesn't make it any less valid that fear of being unattractive is a VERY strong motivator for many people to be healthy.

[Maypai]

It doesn't work.

[Opinion Owner]

@Maypai Certainly for some people it doesn't work, but I assure you for a lot of people it most certainly does.

[chigurl33]

I think body shaming does work... it's worked with a lot of people I know and even me but I feel it's how you do it. Calling me randomly and trying to advice me on how to lose weight is nothing but invasion of privacy and just being rude but I got motivation from my parents and a few friends and I'm pretty sure I just dropped 2 sizes. Sometimes they we're rude and sometimes just downright nasty but I tend to be more logical so I eventually get their point... girl, you need to drop those pounds.

[chigurl33]

Oh I forgot... they did ask for opinions. Why ask if you don't want to hear the answer?

[Maypai]

There's a difference between asking for someone's opinion and being bashed. If someone were to ask if they were ugly, the appropriate response would be whatever the person perceives, not "You're an ugly piece of shit". There is a level of humanity and decency that everyone should have.

[chigurl33]

@Maypai All I can tell you is that they literally asked for it, I won't be walking on hot coals around a bunch of insecure teenagers, that's not how it works. If you put everybody's feelings into consideration all the time then we wouldn't have criminals. Thank god they're getting honest answers because sugarcoating isn't good for them. I don't even sugarcoat stuff for my family so who the he'll are they that I should care about doing anything other than the honest thing.

[Maypai]

Again, there's a difference between sugarcoating something and being considerate over someone's feelings. You can let someone know that they are fat or overweight but you don't have to act like an ass about it.

[bloodmountain1990]

I think body shaming is bad. I don't think obesity and being fat should ever be encouraged but they shouldn't ever be made to feel like shit for it as it is counterproductive.

[Kuraj]

"you have no business with another person's body."

Except it is not "just their body".
It is literally billions of dollars that are being poured down the toilet due to a bunch of inconsiderate selfish fucks who just can't stop stuffing their faces with burgers.

I wouldn't give a shit about fat people, if they want to ruin their lives then let them.
But I don't want to see ANY global resources being spent on sustaining their miserable existence.
That is all really.

[Maypai]

Fat people as a whole, not just one single person. And if you want to go that route, what about drug addicts and anyone one benefits? They waste billions of dollars a year that still doesn't give you the right to act like an ass hole to someone just because they are overweight.

[Kuraj]

@Maypai Illegal substance abuse doesn't waste nowhere near the amount of money that obesity does though.
But yes, druggies, alcoholics, smokers and obese people are all the same crap.

Once again, it is not "just because" they are overweight.
It is because they are lazy inconsiderate selfish pricks with awful lifestyle choices that perpetuate a lifestyle that has massive documented negative effects on humanity globally.
All that because they have the self restraint of a rabid piranha.
Not being fat is easy, and I'm sorry but I simply can't have respect for someone who can't even manage something as trivial as that.
If not for their shitty own sake but for the sake of others around them.

Just think about the amount of good people who die every year waiting for organ donations because some fat fuck who didn't care about themselves or anyone else their whole life receives a heart transplant instead.
If you want to die, just die. Don't drag innocents into it.

[Maypai]

A lot of things have an effect on humanity globally. That's nothing more than an excuse to be nasty towards a group of people. Yes, I understand that a lot of overweight people are lazy that still doesn't give you the right to treat them as anything less than human. I'm sorry, but I lose respect for anyone who tries to justify treating another human being like crap. There are people in this world who are far worse than obese people. You're using the same argument that everyone uses with (insert type of people here). It's always the same thing.

At the end of the day everyone has their own struggles, everyone has themselves to worry about.

[Rissyanne]

Just curious... are you pro choice?

[Kuraj]

@Maypai So you are telling me you would treat a child rapist or a mass murderer the same as you would treat your friends, right?

@Rissyanne of course I am pro choice.

[Rissyanne]

But you said "it's not just your body". Isn't that against pro choice? Either it's your body or not.

[Kuraj]

@Rissyanne But "it's your body" actually means "it is not your body" in that case as well.
Unwanted and teen pregnancies have tons of documented socioeconomic impacts.
Ruining lives of young mothers by taking away their right to education or career advancements which often results in their inability to provide adequate care for their children which ultimately leads to said children not becoming valuable members of the society.

Aborting children you are unable to take care of is THE responsible choice which benefits everyone.
NOT aborting a child in such a situation is in fact the irresponsible and selfish decision to make, since you are dooming your offspring to an inadequate life as a result of your life choices.

[Rissyanne]

So you want to force women into abortions? You pro choice can go both ways.

[Kuraj]

@Rissyanne I don't want to force women into abortions, just give them the option to make the better choice.
I have a friend who got pregnant on high school, she ditched her education, her boyfriend left her, her father got a stroke and now they are struggling with a miserable life where her aging mother and unemployed daughter now have to take care of a kid and a disabled father.

I obviously couldn't force her to abort, but I can call her stupid and inconsiderate for ruining her own life and the life of her child.

[Rissyanne]

I'm sure she loved it when you called her stupid

[Maypai]

Yes! I would TOTALLY treat a rapist the same way I'd treat a friend. Not like a rapist is worse than a fat person. -_-