Things That Suck About Having Social Anxiety

[Anonymous]

This is more of a rant, so sorry if I come off as whiny or whatever.

1. Eye Contact

Making eye contact is difficult for me. If I don't look at a person, they get the impression that I'm guilty or hiding something. If I look at them for too long, they get creeped out. If I look all over, I look crazy. It's so annoying

2. Being Labeled As "The Quiet One"

Since middle school, I've always been known as the quiet kid that draws anime. It may seem like an ok title, but it honestly gets annoying when all people assume is that you're a quiet person when you actually have a personality underneath.

3. Being Asked, "Why are you so quiet?"

I have trouble talking to people. People scare me. I have a lot of things to say, but when I try to, I get super nervous and keep to myself.

4. Having Trouble Recognizing Social Cues

I'm extremely awkward at times. I know how to act in public, but sometimes, I have trouble with certain things. People make jokes that fly over my head or they try to be friendly, but I don't realize it sometimes.

5. Talking To People

As said before, people scare me. I can hold a conversation well if the person is nice and we have a common interest, but other than that, walking up to someone and starting a conversation is something that would make my heart race.

6. Being Called "Anti Social"

I want to clarify something here. Anti social means

"unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people:
He's not antisocial, just shy.
2.
antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening:
an antisocial act.
3.
opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted:
antisocial behavior.
4.
Psychiatry. of or relating to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated."

I usually don't act hostile towards other people, I'm actually relatively mild mannered.

7. Having People Think It's Cute

It's not cute. Nothing is cute about being nervous around other people and wanting to retreat back home after being out in public. Nothing is cute about getting sweaty palms and a racing heart when having a conversation. Stammering/fumbling your sentences isn't cute either.

8. Loneliness

I have friends. But I don't get to hang out with them outside of school. I may occasionally on weekends, but other than that, I'm by myself. I don't really go out much unless I want to buy something I really want. Or if I have to get something important.

9. Feeling Uncomfortable Around Peers

When I go to school or some other place where kids my age hang out, I feel uneasy. I just get this way of discomfort around most kids my age. It gets worse if they try to approach me or start a conversation.

10. Being Left Out

Since I don't talk much, I get left out in a lot of activities. Like sports or group projects. I usually just stand there awkwardly, wishing that I could be able to talk to people like that. Instead, I stay to myself.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean. I have anxiety and depression.

I keep getting left out of fun stuff lately. Like I'm feeling ostracized or something because I so rarely get invited to things. And I tend to want to retreat if I'm feeling like people don't want to be near me. Why spend time with people who don't want me there? It feels like even when I go, I'm not wanted there.

I've cut back on hanging out with "buddies" because it seems like I'm always the one trying to plan something. Like my closer friends haven't invited me to something in ages. We only hung out because I invited them. I dropped way back, and it's like no one's noticed or cared.

So I go out alone. But then it feels weird doing everything "alone." Most of these people, they're with friends or SO's. No conversations with me. So I just sit there feeling awkward, and then I want to do nothing but go home. But if I go home, I'll be even more depressed.

I have very few people to talk to about my depression and anxiety, and I don't want to sound like a whiner or seem negative... so this is a singular thing. So I have to try to cope without looking too weird.

[myTake Owner]

I relate to this way too much. I feel your struggles, man.

[Anonymous]

I have social anxiety. For me it has always been put on by my mom. I have these fears that causes me to not really trust that people like me. I have fears that people actually hate me and wish I wasn't there. I have these fears that causes me to barely trust, if even get to know people. If they act friendly I just assume they feel they "have to" to be nice, but they wished I wasn't really there. I was treated this way... taught to believe this. Whenever I hang out with friends or even my husband... I have this feeling that they don't even like me and just want to use me... and are judging me all the time. After hanging out with people, I get lost in my thoughts... and they're not pretty. :( It's sad, I wish I didn't have social anxiety. I am known as the quiet one all my life throughout elementary school and then high school... I am just known as the follower, people pleaser who has no personality and no voice but I really do have a personality and a voice somewhere deep inside.

[myTake Owner]

I relate way too much too this. I'm sorry you have to go through this as well

[Opinion Owner]

well, I wish you good luck. I try to block my mom out of my mind and I try to read a ton of self help books to reprogram my thinking. I also tried counseling which does help a little. He is being "paid" to give me support and love... hahahaha. I wish you the best and I hope you the best in life, love and happiness.

[JimRSmith]

G@G strongly overindexes in this type of person.

[LongWhiteBeard]

Hey girl,
I had the same issues when I was your age. Eventually, after finish school and a few years of work, I finally got over my social phobia.

Here's what happened, I was so busy with university and work 20 hours a week in a very social environment forcing me to deal with new people every day (sales/customer service jobs). It was an absolute nightmare but I have to excel at my job (it's just my personality).

A few years went by and I realize I have next to 0 anxiety in my early 20s. I was also inactive on social media during this time because of how busy it was. But it worked for me and i didn't even know it was a thing until after i beat it. I also started started having more short-term relationships. Not sure if this was a legitimate cure but after this, I have no fear in whatever I did. Because after beating social anxiety, which stuck with me for more than 20 years, i felt like i can do anything

[shephardjhon]

Rings very true for me, except probably the cute part because I am a man.
I actually had a LOT of social anxiety. I never replied in class, I was always left alone for group projects. It change a little bit by the time I graduated college and a lot when I came to the US.
What happened in the first stage was, I became good at some things. And I also raised my hand and asked and answered a lot of questions. Not only was I part of group projects, I often ended up leading them.
In the US, I joined meetup and worked with like minded people at a task I liked. I didn't really make any casual friends but at least I talked more and my English improved as well. I even showed projects I made there to get my current job.
So my suggestion is find something you are good at and find like minded people who want to learn it.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't apologize. Social Anxiety Disorder is more common than most people think. It is a DISORDER not a CHOICE. Unfortunately we live in a (american) society that worships the blowhard and quiet dignified people are often written off by the simple-minded masses who demand constant high energy stimulation. Don't ever give up. Not all people are narrow minded simps and can appreciate your type of personality. Hang in there girl!

[wolfcat87]

It's definitely a choice to not make it better. Telling people they cannot be fixed certainly does not help them improve their lot in life...

[Opinion Owner]

@wolfcat87 Perhaps I didn't express that very well. I believe It should be treated. I was referring to the cruel nature of the society in which we live. The public preference has always been on the side of the extrovert because they require little effort to relate (or not) to. THe introvert (especially one with SAD) is more complex and often is mistreated or dismissed as socially indifferent. Forgive me for coming across as so harsh. I have been on the receiving end of this behaviour and it's an emotional issue for me. There are some very good people in this world who get ignored and/or mistreated simply because they are not social butterflies and I think it's despicable.

[wolfcat87]

I do agree that society prefers the more social individual. It has been a key to our survival as a species from the start. Some may think a person with anxiety is socially indifferent. A simple smile works wonders for that.

By SAD do you mean Seasonal Affective Disorder? I have that, and it's easily remedied with sunlight/sunlamps, exercise, and a balanced diet. I have day light bulbs that make all the difference in the middle of a long winter, and I open the curtains and stare out to maximize what little sunlight does come through..

I have found that being an introvert/shy/not outgoing is not at all what tends to cause people to be left out. A negative attitude is what generally runs others away. A positive introvert will find people trying to draw them into their groups. People go out of their way to incorporate a nice loner. A prickly loner, or one who tends to suck energy and happiness from others, is what usually makes people steer clear.

[myTake Owner]

@wolfcat87 in my case, I try to be positive, but people are repelled away from me regardless

[Opinion Owner]

@wolfcat87 I meant Social Anxiety Disorder, SAD. Sorry.

[Nik1hil]

you missed one..
the Anxiety attack when we were forced to speak anything in classroom..
and if we have to go and say something in front of the class or explain something one board to the whole class of students.. we would end up sweating in fear.. like we finished a work out of 1hr.
and while we were in front of them... we were so scared that our arms and legs shiver in fear..
i am in a same boat..

[wolfcat87]

Actually, that's most people in general. As my speech teacher loved to say, "It's not fear or nervousness, it's EXCITEMENT!" Simply relabeling it and understanding that it's normal for almost everyone makes it that much easier. It's also why younger and younger children are being encouraged to give speeches, so they can acclimate at a younger age.

[Nik1hil]

@wolfcat87
i have been there, and i know it is fear,
i can differentiate between my excitement, when i am succeeding at something, and my fear..
when i am literally liquidating as i am speaking

[wolfcat87]

That's not the point at all... How you choose to view a challenge will make a world of difference in how you overcome the challenge. After a semester of insisting to myself that I am not afraid, I am excited, I am genuinely excited to speak in front of other people. I'm an optimist in general though.

It's like people and pain. A person who insists pain is bad will overreact to it, become upset about it, and they will have a negative relationship with pain. Higher education to Olympic athletes have to have a healthy and positive relationship with pain. Their workout cause a lot of pain. They have to be able to accept that something other people call negative is really a positive. Pain is all in your head. Pain is gain. Make sense?

[Nik1hil]

@wolfcat87
i know what you are speaking is right..
but i try to me logical instead of being philosophical , pain means... some sort of physical of chemical damage occurring in the physical body.. that is harmful to you..

its not like that i do still freak out..
but i have been coping with it..
now i am way better at speaking to a class...
i have been giving 5 presentation for last 4 semesters in 2 years..
its getting easier.. but it is never comfortable..

[gothwriter79]

Great mytake, B. B. I am still a quiet one at my age. I was born in the middle. Middle-borns feel sad all the time. Feel kicked out of family, out the picture. So what, they also feel like a rebel. Quiet ones have time on there own. Screw everyone else!

[mike5150]

I have had a number of the same issues. I think the one that upset me the most was when the Virginia Tech Massacre took place, the teacher in our class actually named me and said that most mass killers are just like me and that the students need to watch people like me.

[myTake Owner]

That just makes me feel terrible

[EvilPimp]

You should've reported them to the school.

[QuinzelH]

I absolutely relate to everything you wrote.
There's another thing I hate more than people thinking it's cute: people pretending to have it too. They'd be like "omg i don't like people too, ew", those bring out the Hulk in me.

[wolfcat87]

It's not a competition. No need to get aggro.

[Logorithim]

4, 5, 9, and 10 would seem to be the worst of the bunch, but, yeah, they all cause problems. I would be more patient with someon trying to overcome social anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I have it bad too. Except when I have a clear goal for socializing, like in a job. Basically any situation where there's a predesigned script I can act from.
But when it comes to casual socializing just for myself and for fun, it's terrible. I want to die or escape to a jungle and hide there until it's all over.

[torken]

yea, its rough. its also hard because "who you know" does help you get ahead in life

[InsertCoolName]

I know how you feel, I feel goddamn invisible half the time. I will often say something in a fairly loud voice, and people act like they didn't hear me. It's a frustrating existence.

[dandee55]

I can relate with some of those. I've been there. But as I grew older, things got better. Hopefully, it will for you too.

[Browneye57]

I think you're confusing 'shy' from introverted. They're two different things.
Social skills are learned. You can do this. Your 'anxiety' is self-inflicted.

[wolfcat87]

Very true. I think they very often go hand in hand though. A naturally introverted person is less likely to break free of any anxieties, because they don't have the same drive to socialize as an outgoing person.

Anxiety can be fixed though. I used to be anxious, but I fixed it. I decided to do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do in social situations until the outgoing behavior came more naturally to me. I am still a shy introvert at heart, but most people think I am very outgoing. I am a great speaker, a joker, and I smile and socialize quite well.

[Browneye57]

@wolfcat87 - Same with me. I can talk to anyone anywhere, any time. Had a successful sales career. Now I'm a network admin and love what I do - computers don't talk back. LOL

I'm not shy, but quite introverted. I'm happier with my alone time, and get worn out with a lot of social interaction.
I'm still not big on chit-chat, or groups, but rather meaningful conversations one on one. I don't really talk about the weather, unless it's pertinent to an activity. :)

[wolfcat87]

Precisely!

[AbdKilani]

i didn't read it all , but i think it is much more different in the Arab world !

[QuinzelH]

How is that?

[AbdKilani]

@QuinzelH well we don't just stand and let it be , if you have social anxiety , people will just try to get out of there , breaking the ice maybe joking around or saying something funny.

[QuinzelH]

Well people with social anxiety can joke around too but they still have it. They're suffering from a mental illness, they're not shy.

[AbdKilani]

@QuinzelH yeah i know , but it is like Arabs won't leave a person alone !
They would middle in everything !

[Guanfei]

Everything sucks with it. You can sum it up by "you're lonely and not even able to talk to people". Which sucks totally.

[Anonymous]

Being called out on it and being left out are the worst ones.
But out of those two, being left out is the worst of the worst.
All of those 10 are correct though.

[Anonymous]

Nice. These all seem like things someone with Autism could relate to as well.

[hammeronfire]

yes when i get called quiet all the fucking time i can't help it if i dont like to talk

[luluv00vi]

don't you ever wish there was a clone you but reverse gender
i always wanted a guy me it would make things interesting

[myTake Owner]

No...