Suffering with Social Anxiety: Just How Serious it Gets

[2Shy2speak]

I was not born like this. In myTake we are not born with social anxiety. It's something that came about in our reasoning. Really we are just scared to let people see our soul. I cried writing this post. I have overcome so much and I just have to let you know you can also.

It started in 5th grade. I switched elementary schools and I was bullied all the way up until 8th grade. The first couple of school years, really 5-6 were the toughest! I had lotion slapped on my arms, because I suffered from severe eczema. The lotions were cheap and scented irritating my skin even more. I had hair gel thrown into my hair, one case, it had aloe in it. The aloe made my scalp itchy, I was scared to let mum know. Letting her know would mean she'd contact the school and that always made things worse. They made bets on me, and not just any bet. A group of girls came up to me at recess and told me that she had to slap me. While she didn't slap me, I sat there alone by the basketball court upset.

In high school, I made a few friends. They enjoyed my wild and quirky self. I felt that I could be free. It was short lived. while my friends were part of the in crowd I was not. Then something happened my junior and senior year. I started taking AP classes and Honors classes. Sometimes I was the only minority in the room. I didn't make any friends although I wanted friends in these classes. It is funny how life worked out for me, I didn't see my friends at lunch. I had to eat lunch alone, the few friends I had were on a different lunch schedule. I defaulted to hiding in the library. I was too embarrassed to be seen alone.

I experience depression in College. I started off at a really expensive private institution. It was too expensive, and I could only afford a semester of it. I began working and attending community college. It was hell. They wouldn't talk to me because I was different. They were downright rude. So I took a vow of silence. Two semesters later, I transferred into state college. I was excited. I thought I would make friends but I didn't. Again I dreaded group work. I was a lone female in a high stress environment. I became a target for people's frustrations. It was hell and I wanted to be invisible. I attended the counseling center, but it didn't do much for me.

I decided I wanted to go abroad. I went to France and it was hell again! I spent 30 days without meeting anyone. I was away from my family and my depression began to kick in again. The other exchange students speculated about me. I had all my classes with them but not once could I speak to them. I was not in, something I was familiar with. They didn't like me for an entire month. Eventually, the warmed up to me and I forgave them but the entire trip was almost ruined.

Coming back from France to finish my senior year, I was exhausted. I was worn out and couldn't function properly. I was depressed and it needed to be treated quickly. I was hospitalized twice in a suicide unit. My professors were cruel, and only left me with the option to withdraw. My one friend that I had made on campus, was inconsiderate and I stopped talking to her. She was very judgmental of my situation, I shouldn't have mentioned it.

Something changed this semester. This semester was a do-over after my failed suicide attempts. I'm getting a lot more attention from guys which is great! I think I'm so close to a real boyfriend. I always thought I was ugly, I was so critical of myself I couldn't enjoy my imperfections. I'll let you draw the connections, to where I never could accept my image. But attention is not what changed my life. I started to speak up for myself. I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN HOW, OR WHAT HAPPENED, BUT IT WAS A JOURNEY. I felt my soul reach out of me and cover me deepest fears. In that I became less susceptible to others frustrations and treatment. While I am still learning to be less anxious, I have a voice. I can let people know that I am happy being myself.

It was a long journey. I did not think I could receive any peace in life. Things changed from thin air! I let my voice be heard when I want to be heard, not when someone commands me. While I''m still shy and timid, I can embrace my unique nature."

[RandomReindeer]

I've had serious social anxiety for the majority of my life. Contrary to the myTake owner, this is something I've suffered with since I can remember.

When I started school, it was pretty obvious that I was very different to the other kids and was extremely quiet. While I did manage to make a scattering of friends at school in my younger years, it was between being sent to the school office for counselling because my teachers thought their was something wrong with my behaviour (this freaked my mother out because the counsellors were trying to figure out if I had any "home" issues).

In high school I became a selective mute. I couldn't speak to anyone except when they were calling the roll. Just saying a simple "yes, present" everyday would give me incredible anxiety. The only conversations I ever had were with my family. I remember one time when my mother went in for family/teachers review, and my science teacher asked if I had a mental disability. All the other students thought I was crazy as well and I was teased a lot. This is the lowest part of my life. I was very depressed for the entire 6 years (high school where I'm from includes middle school) and wanted to kill myself.

When I left school, I knew I had to change. I started small at first, by replying to checkout clerks when they asked how my day went. Then I jumped in deep by getting a job in the fast-food industry. I was really nervous, but also very happy as it took me almost 6 months to get a job because I couldn't speak properly at the job interviews. This was probably the best thing I've ever done in my life. I began learning to have conversations by asking my co-workers simple, work-related questions like "What shift are you doing today" before moving up and talking to customers.

When I started university a year later, I could manage basic conversations. However, I would begin shaking whenever I was talking to anyone for over 5min. The conversations were very awkward. However, they are the proudest moments of my life. I finally feel normal.

Fast forward to today and I am close to graduating university. I don't have any close friends, but I managed to get a boyfriend who likes my shy side. I don't have any problem starting conversations with strangers, and I recently been accepted for a job that is meant to be beyond my qualifications but I managed to talk my way into it (even though they do know that I'm under-qualified).

[RandomReindeer]

I don't think that many people understand how difficult it is live and do "normal" things when you are so different the way you are. It's hard not to judge and compare yourself to others. But I've come to realise that everyone's challenges in life are different, so I'll judge myself by my own behaviour, not by others.

[2Shy2speak]

I'm having trouble understanding what you mean by "contrary to the owner" I have had social anxiety all my life. I only remember my social experience back to 5th grade.( another my take can explain that) I the owner of this mytake shared my experience with my anxiety with the world not for others to have deemed me not suffering with social anxiety. I sought a therapist, a professional to give me my problem. Social anxiety is not something that can take over life and that will be the end of it. Although, it does often seem that way. Everyone will experience it and handle it in different ways.

[RandomReindeer]

I'm not saying you don't have social anxiety, I know you do. But at the top of your myTake you say that "we are not born with social anxiety", when in reality some (like me) seem to develop it from a very young age without any obvious cause. I'm not undermining your experience just because it's different to mine. I'm just saying that it can take root in people in different ways.

I was moved by your myTake, so I was inspired to share my experience as well regardless of whether anyone read it or not.

[2Shy2speak]

Yeah I can see where the wording of that statement can come across as undermining not my intention. Thank you for sharing your take btw!

[john335]

Wow I know what you mean. Growing up With ADHD I was loud, and confident with just about everything I was doing. When I reached about 13 I starting to shake whenever I was talking to new people, this got so bad that I didn't do much of 7th grade, and I was always distancing myself from anyone I loved. My parents hated each other, and I went to a catholic school that was very strict, and controlling. At age 16 cigarettes, and marijuana became my best friends as they made me happy for a little while. One problem with anxiety is that it makes existing problems 100 time worse for you, and it's a problem that only other people with it really y understand. Yes I force myself to speak sometimes, but then I start to shake, and slur my speech. please just remember that many guys also go through the same thing as many young struggling women do. I had many friends growing up, and still do, it's a double life that many of us hide, and it never will go away. You do get better at coping at as you get older, and that I can promise you.

[GraveTruth]

That's not social anxiety. That is general depression.

I have social anxiety.
-I go to the same grocery store, the same places. I continue to try to push myself to go to places I have not been at before just to challenge myself.
-I have not been to a movie threater in 18yrs.
-If I have to go to some place like a wedding or a dentist appointment I pass out unconscious sometimes and wake up with people faning air on my face. Once I pulled out my own tooth.
-I have ZERO friends.
-I have a cellphone and I have actually ZERO contacts other than things like my visa support number. No one called or text me this November. A total of 4 different people have texted me in 3 years.
-None of my hobbies include people except fitness. Gaming, movies, mechanics, blading, etc. When I go to the gym and get to the machine I want to use but there is someone very close to it I skip it and go to the next routine and hit it later.
-When I turned18(1998) my family doctor said "bye" because he was a pediatrician. I never seen a doctor since (except for starting at 8 months ago).
-I never went to college because it made me uncomfortable to be around all those people.
-When I was 23 I had this huge issue with going to the dentist. I really needed to though. I actually took out my own tooth. thank god
-I'm spending Christmas alone. No one is around. I was thinking about getting a tree but that probably will depress me. Set up a big tree and stand in front of it alone on Christmas...
-On the weekend I often walk around downtown when it's real later just to go through the crowds of drunk people. Talk to a few people. It gets me around people. I often walk through this big mall and eat lunch there feeling like a total idiot while I'm alone and everyone is walking and talking together. In the summer I'll go out of town to a zoo or something like that but half the time I just turn around.
-I've been on a vacations. I go on vacations alone.
and the list goes on.

But yes, I'm getting much better than years ago.

THAT is social anxiety. You have depression.

[Kkaos]

Are you content with how you are now?

[GraveTruth]

@Kkaos No, I feel lonely and feel somewhat imprisoned. I'm getting better though. Maybe in a few years life will be enjoyable.

[2Shy2speak]

I hate to break to everyone social anxiety can lead to depression. I 'm not asking millions of people to tell me I have depression I know that, it was triggered by my social anxiety. Recall in High school how I didn't eat lunch and hid in the library because I was too scared to meet new people. I still display that type of behavior. There is not a doctor in the world who won't tell you, you can't have social anxiety and depression at the same time.

[Kkaos]

Yeah, people tend to get depressed if they're not in a place where they want to be in life. If you're wanting to be outgoing but social anxiety is stopping you, it's natural that you may enter a depressed state. But it's always possible to take action and direct your life in a way that you want it to go in order to prevent things from staying the way they are or getting worse.

[John_Doesnt]

Apparently, social isolation leads to paranoia, delusions and even hallucinations. But the leprechaun who lives in my desk says that it's just a lie perpetuated by the demon psychologists who are out to get me.
So I don't think your social anxiety is a bad thing. It's saving you from the magical dwarf psychologists and their witch craft.

[Ephemera1]

I used to have social anxiety, then I realized I just didn't like poeple.

[Ihearthim]

Then you never had social anxiety

[Ephemera1]

@Ihearthim oh but I did.

[HOAAH]

You could just be an introvert. I am one. I don't feel Close to many and I get my energy from being by myself.

[2Shy2speak]

I agree! I am an introvert. I just did not know it and I was surrounded by extroverts who made me feel I was wrong for being an introvert.

[mikemx55]

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[art84]

Sounds more like depression then social anxiety. Society anxiety would be avoiding talking to people or being around them.

[2Shy2speak]

I avoided people I feared talking to them although I wanted to. My therapist explained to me that depression and anxiety can go hand in hand. I felt alone and isolated because I couldn't meet people. I couldn't meet people because I was too scared of them

[jman46241]

One day you will hopefully challenge your fears and realize the thin veil that it represents..

[harabi]

Hope things settle fine for you
peace and blessings

[Anonymous]

Ok honestly i'm really pissed @ u rn. I have had SEVERE social anxiety for years. Ever since was i super little. You have NO signs at all of having social anxiety. You had/have situation depression because of the bullying. Stop pretending to have social anxiety please people, it's not cool, you don't know how hard it is to actually have social anxiety.

[2Shy2speak]

I am honsetly pissed as well. You're under 18 and seem to be an expert at social anxiety, you're more informed than my therapist! All those years of counseling and someone of the internet, who can't relate to my experience has got me figured out. "I'm being sarcastic here." Not everyone is going to experience social anxiety in the same way, shape and form. Our lives are not identical. I'm not going to write every single instance I was afraid to meet people or how I had excuses not to go to parties. This post was meant to empower people. If it doesn't empower you that is fine but you don't need to be rude. Just go make your own post on social anxiety.

[Opinion Owner]

No you can't tell me what to do. This whole post wasn't even about social anxiety. How is this empowiering anyone with social anxiety? I'm not an expert but i am diagnosed with severe social anxiety so i know what it's truly like. I'm so scared of people i have to be anonymous all the time even on the internet. You are not cool for pretending to have social anxiety. You are just mocking and hurting my feelings and others who actually have social anxiety. You have SITUATIONAL DEPRESSION from the bullying whether you like it or not.

[Opinion Owner]

So what i'm under 18 ? Are you saying young people can't be smart? Social anxiety is the same for most people. You don't have social anxiety just because you refused to go to a party once or twice. You're just introverted and shy. And the fact that you even got invited to a party clearly shows how you don't social anxiety. As a person with social anxiety i have no friends at all. I can't be around ANYONE. I literally can't. i'm shaking as i type this to you. I'm mad how people like you can just pretend to have this terrible mental ilness while i've struggled with this all my life, no friends. Just tears and fear

[Opinion Owner]

"i'm getting a lot of attention from guys which is great" OMG. Exposed. Lol PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY DONT WANT ATTENTION. I can't believe you'd lie about something so severe as social anxiety

[2Shy2speak]

You came on here to make yourself feel better about yourself. Seriously, go read a book or two on social anxiety it is not the same for everyone. It isn't because if it were you would be a nasty example of people with social anxiety, I honestly don't know why I'm arguing with someone who has a lot of time on there hands since they have severe social anxiety. Don't get mad at me for your inability to express yourself. You don't have to live with social anxiety your whole life, actually that can cause depression. You're literally sitting here judging me and feeling good about yourself. Feel good feelings have to come from the inside not the outside, hun. Don't get pissed because the message of my mytake isn't for you.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry i get like "episodes" of random anger and i take it out on people and i just get really angry and feel the need to argue. It doesn't make me feel better. I just have anger issues that i can't control

[Anonymous]

it's going to hurt men more than women in the dating game because guys have to be the initiators

[Kkaos]

It's actually better because it forces you to recover from it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos well I was just stating how it's going to hurt men more than women

[Kkaos]

Nah, it will hurt women in the long run. No pain, no gain.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos how does it hurt women when don't have to be the initiators?

[Kkaos]

Because it's forcing guys to take positive action. If you don't have to initiate then you're not actually doing much to improve it, the guy will be more socially confident than the girl in the long run. It's better to face your fears than to have an excuse to hide from them, such as I'm a woman I don't need to initiate, if you get what I mean.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos ya, I guess that's why I've heard people say, men end up growing through this, women don't

[Opinion Owner]

You get what I was saying?

[jjesica346]

Keep on using your voice... wish you well.

[Adigelunar]

nice postt

[MissSakura]

thanks for shharing

[KrustyTheClown]

Will read this later