So I hear that the Border Wall won't be enough. However, its mere presence would cut down crime dramatically at the south - and free up resources to protect the also-vulnerable northern border between the US and Canada.
See, America tends to go soft on trafficking scumbags. Way softer than most other countries do! But what if we didn't have to directly punish all these lowlifes?
What if we could make nature do the job for us, so the traffickers have only themselves to blame for meeting a horrific demise in making a mockery of our sovereignty and laws?
In addition to the Wall, we need to build: the Forest of Death. El Bosque de Creación de Putamadres Muertos, if I'm not being specific enough in English.
But what would such a forest entail, in theory? (Implementation would be another matter, as I know each new suggestion would drive Pelosi and Dem leaders hellbent on altering that census data that much closer to brain aneurysm at the mere suggestion of it.)
Automated turret guns
I'm talking like the ones from Half-Life! Menacing HAL 9000 eyes and laser scan vision, merciless targeting system, rain of bullets!
Will rain their glory down on Mexican soil at the first sign of coyotes or other miscreants getting too close! Come prepared, or send Miguel from Coco my regards!
These would be part of the initial wall. Be lucky to get past this, and we'll see the REAL fun begin for Los Illegales!
Moat and Alligators
Due to budget constraints, we won't include sharks with frickin' laser beams. Still, this is classic fortress-making material here! Does your average welfare leech, fentanyl dealer, or pedophile like a good swim? Well, I hope he doesn't mind looking like Captain Hook. We'll leave out the magic ever-ticking clock inside the gators, because that'd be cruel to the gator.
Go on, build that tunnel! I dare you!
Manchineel trees
Not really a forest without trees, right? So why not force those who would choose to menace America and try to create Aztland to breathe the air around one of the most toxic trees in existence? It's a perfect match for the evil in their hearts, is it not? And a whole lot cheaper than shipping them to Kepler-452b, which has an atmosphere as putrid as their souls (skunk, Windex, and torch fuel)!
Giant hogweed
What better way to welcome to the neighborhood those new guys that want to blow your son's head off and rape your daughter, than with the one plant on Earth known for making poison ivy look like a wuss? One brush against this, and they won't even recognize the shape of their own hands ever again!
Have fun making it all the way to an urgent care, only to be immediately deported! Sucka!
Giant Asian hornets
Wanna send a message to the lawbreaking newcomers that they'll never forget? How about one they'd be lucky to escape alive? These adorable little bundles of malice and destruction have but one common weakness: flamethrowers! Except, that would ignite fumes from the hogweed and manchineels, destroying Los Illegales' lungs along with these critters! As an alternate universe N*Sync put it so eloquently: "It ain't no lie! / Die die die!!!"
Komodo dragons
We couldn't find any Rodents of Unusual Size, but these will suffice.
Zoo tigers
Big cats get hungry, dude! Small-time Los Illegales caught robbing a liquor store or something can make up for it by making sure that the animals at the zoo don't go hungry. As a reward, these criminals will never again know what being hungry means!
Grand Prize: The Venutian
One lucky drug kingpin that survives all the above obstacles (plus some hidden Home Alone-style and Shipwrecked-style surprises) and gets captured will win himself the ultimate prize: a one-way trip to the surface of Venus! Televised, so other kingpins may know of their future fate.
Want to visit Hell on Arizona? NASA needs you to visit Hell personally first, and send us back some important photos. Come on, this is FOR SCIENCE!
Come on, let's say it all together, in Trump-ish:
We need to build the Forest of Death!
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I'm all in favor of this so long as Trump installs it personally.
That's pretty racist. Obama supported more money for the border fence. You'd never suggest that he install it himself. Smfh
@SuccessfulHornDog : We don't' need another "fence." We need a Great Wall of America. Something on par with five prison walls rolled into one. With seismic scanners and no man's zones abounding. So that only a fool would try to dig a tunnel to get around it. If the Wall were built properly, you'd need five times El Chapo's entire life earnings to build a tunnel capable of getting past it. And that'd be a very visible construction operation that satellites and drones could readily detect.
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