Understanding the Contradictory Nature of Human Tendencies Pertaining to Intimacy.

[HardAppleCider]

Humans are not separate from evolution and the “survival of the fittest” laws that govern it. When it comes down to it, tendencies that promote genetic fitness get passed on through the generations, where tendencies that do not get washed out. These tendencies are both physical attributes and mental patterns.

What is genetic fitness? The concept is actually quite simple. Any being that is able to a produce a large number of offspring that survive and produce their own offspring can be said to have high genetic fitness. Those that do not do this have a low genetic fitness. It's really that simple.

If a mental pattern promotes genetic fitness, this mental pattern is much less likely to be washed out from generation to generation. Jealousy is an example of such a mental pattern that is easy to recognize, and it's easy to see “why” jealousy promotes genetic fitness among humans.

Men tend to become jealous over physical intimacy more so than emotional intimacy, and women tend to become jealous over emotional intimacy more so than physical intimacy. This is a generalization, and there are exceptions to this, however this pattern is empirically statistically verifiable. Look up Barry Kuhle for a recent study covering this exact topic.

If you consider the logistics concerning children it should become obvious as to why this tendency exists. Raising children is “much” more difficult when one person is doing it alone. Conditions tend to improve for children when the people raising them are emotionally involved and secure. It is in a woman's best interest, in terms of genetic fitness, to try and secure an emotional attachment to a partner so that she's not stuck giving birth to and raising children on her own. For men a bigger concern in nature is to make sure he isn't raising another man's children. As such, because of billions of years of evolution, men are more likely to feel threatened when a woman is having a sexual relationship with other men. This is especially significant for human men, as raising a child takes almost a quarter of our naturally expected life spans.

So it should be clear “why” jealousy exists. It exists because it promotes the genetic fitness of any given individual and it has been this way for as long as humans have been around. On the other hand, it should also be obvious why promiscuity also promotes genetic fitness.

Again, genetic fitness is high when there is a large number of survivable offspring. For men promiscuity increases the chances of passing on genetic material and this is easily understood. For women in nature promiscuity also promotes genetic fitness due to how it impacts genetic diversity and simply having children with one partner is more risky when it comes to survivability.

All that being understood it's important to stress that the laws of nature and evolution do not make for good societies. There's a reason that we, as social people, reject natural laws such as “might makes right.” We go out of our way to bury these natural laws so that things such as murder, rape, and theft are less prevalent. The goal of society is to increase the quality of life for the people living within it, and nature's laws care about quality of life only in terms of raw survivability.

"Men tend to become jealous over physical intimacy and women tend to become jealous over emotional intimacy"

Jealousy and promiscuity are the result of nature's laws. Both exist in an attempt to promote genetic fitness, and they clearly contradict each-other. These tendencies are the sole reason that in some matriarchal societies in the past you would find men that had many wives all bearing him children, and these women were required (with penalty of death) to be sexually faithful to the man. In these societies, men had all the power (might makes right) and so they were able to put themselves into positions that maximized their own personal genetic fitness, fairness be damned.

For you and I it is important to understand this contradictory nature within ourselves. If we want to live as happy people in a society that is fair, and one that promotes a high quality of lives for “all” people, not just those with power, we are forced to dismiss one aspect or the other. We must either dismiss jealousy or promiscuity. Historically dismissing promiscuity and embracing jealousy has been the socially accepted ideal, and that makes sense for those times due to the physical risks that come along with promiscuity, however today sex is much less risky (in terms of survivability) and technology provides us with another rational option.

Instead of being forced to “cling” to one another and to treat each-other as property (MY husband/wife, MY boyfriend/girlfriend) one can learn to accept others as people that they enjoy having experiences with. There is no rational reason for these experiences to be exclusive to any one party, and truly it is fantastically bizarre to assume that any other person should only be capable of loving and being intimate with “just one singular other person,” completely incompatible with any other person.

I submit that this kind of thinking is barbaric and only truly exists because of jealousy, a natural tendency whose existence “only cares about genetic fitness” and not about the happiness of individuals.

That said, unfortunately jealousy is almost hard wired into us still, and even the most open and rational minds “will” be forced to deal with irrational feelings of jealousy. If one simply cannot get past this tendency then jealousy “can” be embraced, so long as promiscuity is dismissed and seen as undesirable.

We as individuals must choose one or the other if we want to be happy and fair. When making your social contracts, consider the options that are available to you, know your limits, and be honest with each-other. Understand that lapses on any given contract are expected to happen (people in open relationships may lapse into jealousy, and people in monogamous relationships may lapse into promiscuity). This is especially expected because societies that care more about maximizing the quality of life for individuals are a relatively new invention, and so our biology and our mental tendencies are still a "lot bit" out of whack.

I hope that all of you will get to know yourselves and will understand the logistics of this system so that you can make choices that promote happy lives. :)

[ThinkPrettyThoughts]

This is a great article! I can't tell you how many times I've been told that jealousy is an indicator of immaturity or low self-esteem. It's good to be reminded that jealousy is normal. Allowing jealousy to push people away and destroy relationships is NOT normal. Lovely work, @HardAppleCider

[JackKerouac77]

Dang, I'm usually unimpressed with the articles on GaG, but this one rocked! Awesome.