It appears that in a lot of cases, people on this site expect their partners to be well off to begin with, which is not weird or unusual - everyone would prefer somebody who's as healthy as can be, both emotionally and physically. That's fine.
But at the same time, there are all sorts of derogatory ways to label people who actually really need affection in their lives, they'll be said to seem overly needy, clingy or easily attached.
It is expected of men, in particular, to be strong on their own. But both men and women harbor, and live with, frustrations. The way they express those frustrations is at the same time similar, but completely differently treated by the society.
As time goes by, emotionally frustrated people can get into a very specific cycle where they become extremely self-hating and self-doubting, believing they don't actually deserve to be loved, they give up on social life, become really emotionally frail, and unable to get out of there.
And instead of thinking low of those people, society actually needs to find a sensible way to help them. Saying "suck it up", "get your shit together" and so on doesn't help a slight bit. True, some people who are simply stubborn can be shaken this way, but in a lot of cases, people are not just stubborn, or stupid. They think the worst of themselves because (due to whatever reasons) they have not been shown appreciation or affection.
Yes, being "strong and single" might seem like a virtue today, but it's actually pretty hard to pull off by majority of people because most people lack the mindset to function like singular beings. Humans (and all apes) are social animals, and just like we need food, water and shelter, we also require affection by our very nature. We've evolved to be such so that we'd create strong bonds that also create other societal advantages over species that don't live in such a way.
Mainly speaking, we've evolved to crave others.
A baby will crave their mother's attention, a child will crave their parents' and relatives', a teenager will start breaking off from that bond naturally in order to pursue romance because at some point they will need to form a family of their own. Teen rebellion is in many ways necessary and emotionally healthy, in fact.
But what happens after adolescence? What happens when people are at an age where their peers form families, and they can only see themselves as rejects, as people who cannot find a partner, as those who have failed to form a family (despite wanting to)?
Well, they've long been broken off their parents and relatives, and now they do not have a partner either. Seeking affection from friends is awkward and would not yield wanted results, so they are left feeling all alone, unloved.
This is to be expected of a society that expects everyone to be unnaturally strong and self-certain, that shuns people that are weak in that regard. But the funny thing is, most people are, it just happens that they are either in denial, or they try to hide it.
The reason this site is so huge is exactly because there are a lot of people who seek other's affection, but can't seem to find it. The reason there are so many dating sites in general is that there are a lot of frustrated people who would die to have somebody by their side, but they either have no social circles they could be dedicated to, they live in a small town and can't escape that fate, or are just socially inept.
Of course, there also are people who only want affection for themselves and would not conform to anybody else's needs, but even those people have often been warped by being given too little, and by wanting too much because they've been frustrated for a long time.
Thus, I'd like everyone on this site to be a bit more cautious of this before flagging people without understanding how they came to be like that, and without thinking about how those people would function if they had healthy emotional lives.
Because, the truth is, a lot of people are just sick of loneliness. They come off as bad because that's how we've learned to identify them, but they just crave affection in their own way, just like everyone else is.
It's my belief that every day you've spent not feeling loved and not making somebody dear to you feel loved, is forever wasted. I do not believe in life after death, nor do I believe in reincarnation. I believe that those days are all we get, hence it further depresses me that we live the way we do, because we can't truly open ourselves to others.
I also do not put much value or attention to my job or hobbies, nor do I really care about menial things in general, so I find it quite irritating when people who do try to devalue my viewpoint that it's actually people who are most worthy of being given attention (and affection) to. In a way, people who put everything before others are dehumanizing themselves because, again, people as social animals are supposed to see themselves, and then others, as the most important, before everything else, before things like job, hobbies and such. I also understand why they can't understand why I'd give anything to be a person that has somebody to love, and that is loved back, but it frustrates me even more.
So I hope you've enjoyed my rant, or that it made you think a bit. I also hope you've made somebody happy, and that somebody has also made you happy. Life is too short for tears.
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