How to get out of the friendzone

[RandomStudent]

If the friend you like doesn't have a BF/GF, ask them out. If they say yes, congratulations (make sure they know it is a date and not just friends hanging out!), if they say no, lose contact with them.

If the friend you like has a SO, lose contact with them, no matter what.

It is that simple folks, life is too short to be getting stuck in friendzones. You might be saying "but he/she shows signs of liking me back" if so, then they'll say yes to a date. You can only blame yourself for being in the friendzone, even if the other person is manipulative.

[lumos]

I don't see the point in cutting off all contact unless they deeply hurt you in some way (and not just by rejecting you). If they were a good friend before you asked them out, then why let rejection change that? A friend is a friend. Distancing yourself from them for a while would only be natural and totally acceptable, but cutting off all contact only makes you come off as extremely bitter. I've been rejected by a few guys - all of them were my guy friends before I confessed, and we still kept on being friends. Sure, it was difficult, but I got over it since the friendship we had before the rejection meant more to me than my pride or hurt feelings.

[1932ct]

guys and girls for the most part tend to have a little bit different view point on the subject. For a guy cutting off all ties is just the way to let go and move on

[RandomStudent]

what @1932ct said, I can't get over a girl if I'm still talking to her everyday.

[RandomStudent]

I also tend to not value friendships that much

[lumos]

Nobody told you to talk to her every day, RandomStudent. Like I said, you could just distance yourself from her for a while. If you truly valued the friendship you had prior to getting rejected, you wouldn't cut off all ties just because of the rejection. If you're willing to do that, you were never even a good friend to her to begin with.

[RandomStudent]

I assume guys that are in the friendzone don't value their friendships that much, hence the constant complaining that he's in the friendzone. Thought it was obvious that most guys in the friendzone prefer not to be in it.

[lumos]

Sad that people don't care for friendships anymore.

[Bluemax]

"Sad that people don't care for friendships anymore"
Equally sad that some people do not understand that people feel pain differently and to different degrees.

"I don't see the point in cutting off all contact unless they deeply hurt you in some way (and not just by rejecting you)"
There have been studies done that link how deeply people take rejection to brain chemistry and brain anatomy. There are studies showing correlations between upbringing and bullying and how people handle rejection. Some people are barely affected by rejection at all. Others are deeply hurt. It may very well be that we can no more control how much pain we feel over rejection that we can control if we like someone or not. If a person is deeply hurt by rejection, do you not think it's reasonable to therefore cut off contact indefinitely?

[Bluemax]

"If they were a good friend before you asked them out, then why let rejection change that?"
A very direct and valid question, which I hope I'll answer just as directly. For some people, the pain of rejection itself is very great, and this may very well be through no fault of their own. Therefore, in some circumstances (please note, I said SOME, not ALL) the pain of rejection outweighs the benefits of friendship. In those circumstances (and I'll agree some people are to quick to give up on a friendship), then it's totally reasonable and understandable to distance themselves indefinitely. Yes, I know that hurts for the rejector as well as the rejectee.

[Bluemax]

"I've been rejected by a few guys... and we still kept on being friends. Sure, it was difficult, but I got over it since the friendship we had before the rejection meant more to me than my pride or hurt feelings"
I think you're relying too much on personal experience without considering that different people feel different degrees of pain over being rejection which have little or nothing to do with pride. I'm glad it worked out for you, but you must understand that this doesn't mean that it will work out for everyone and if it doesn't work out, it's not necessarily ANYONE'S fault, not the rejector, not the rejectee, no one's at all.

[Bluemax]

"but cutting off all contact only makes you come off as extremely bitter. "
In some cases that's true, in others it isn't. However, by not understanding that in some cases (again, please note I said SOME) cutting off all contact is the right thing to do, the rejector comes across as extremely selfish and unsympathetic.

[Prof_Don]

I don't even keep contact with girls after they reject me... it's such a waste of my time and energy.

Better to take the time talking to, texting, IMing, video chatting, and meeting up with, women who are potential dates, than some taken female just sapping my attention without me getting what *I* want in return.

Gotta take care of yourself first.

[Hannah591]

How do you think that makes the girl feel? If she valued your friendship and enjoyed your company, just to have that taken away because she doesn't see you as anything more. It's quite selfish and makes you look bad because it looks like your friendship was a lie all along.

[Prof_Don]

@Hannah591

You're absolutely right!

This is why I don't befriend girls before I ask them out. I don't allow a "friendship" to develop.

[Arthurred]

Guy's were put on earth to find a female to reproduce to carry on his offspring, girls have to understand when a guy ask a girl out he is putting his pride (refusal to be humiliated) on the line to win the female by doing this he earns the respect of his male counterparts and the loyalty and love of the female if he doesn't then his value as a man will go down causing him to question himself making him lose confidence, so guy's have to options sink or swim. Women on the other hand have the right to pick who ever they feel fits their criteria for a potential mate which is something you can't take away from them

[Scrambled]

Just to add (couldn't resist) the best way to get out the friendship zone is to not only drop her, but to shag one of her friends and let her know about it. That's how my friends do it. Must work on the same principles as "when you have nobody it's hard to find date, but have someone, and all of a sudden you get hit on by other women"

[lonelylover]

I've asked so many different times and ways to make it out the dreaded friendzone. The girl I was and still seriously interested in was showing me sign of both side from interesting and from not in desperate attempt. to get with her I sent a message pretty much saying I want to hook up with her, I thought bringing it into the light would make her show something but I was wrong she didn't even react for next 3 months I sat there didn't make any moves moveless sign from both sides still there. She'd bite her lip and tell me who she wanted to hook up with finally I was ready to just be friends I guessed, butt I knew they guy wasn't really worth it so I told. “i'd rather f*ck you than (mj)“. And her replied was "I'd rather f*ck you too" I was mind blown so I had to ask why we haven't before and she replied "I didn't want say or anything or try just In case you say no" me devastated that was also my thing and I told her. She than told me how "I've wanted to f*ck you for like ever" & told her the same things. And asked "what about when I brought it in the light" she said it was good plans but she said it was not. She come home 30 th and its a date, just to. think all had to do was kiss her whenever. My guys if you are even kinda sure it saves some time trust me

[Drake]

i pers dont think the friendzone exists. Its something caused by yourself. If you never show sexual interest in a girl, she thinks you're not interested in her. You need to be able to make her feel wanted and you need to pop her the question. I know a lot of guys who "were in the friendzone" but after 1 year still got the girl. Look at Big Sean and Ariane Grande, they were friend for 2yrs and even Big Sean said it himself, its better that way. You just need to make sure you surprise her, make her laugh, be a real man and be understanding.

[Bluemax]

Of course some people simply will NEVER find you attractive, no matter what you do. In those cases, don't you think it's best to move on?

[Drake]

attractive? just be fun, have guts, tell how it is and how it should be done. If you're in love go for it, dont waste time "pretending you never want her as sexual partner" cause thatll put you in the "friendzone". Show and tell he any day and any way how you feel about her even i its negative. And if she doesn't want you fine, move on, its not the end :)

[Anonymous]

kill yourself that works, getting out of the friendzone, many haven't managed so, only thing you can do, stop contact, dont see her, work on yourself and see her in a few months time. currently im floating somewhere in space, between the friendzone and lover zone. experiencing both sides, be happy you got some certainty, because im intimate with this girl, and at the same time she has these days were im not even allowed to sit close to her. im thinking about killing myself to, eternal peace and rest.

[Bluemax]

Have you spoken to other people about killing yourself? People you know in person, not just on GAG?

[Hannah591]

I hate that word, it's how people let themselves down gently after being rejected but then again, they say they've been friendzoned despite never trying to make the first move! I don't agree you should stop being friends with someone just because you like them and they have a SO, just like you shouldn't ditch them if they reject you. Your friendship may be really good and she values that.

P. S. That girl could easily jump over that!

[dartmaul15]

Bingo. "friendzone" is 9/10 times an excuse used by "mr nice guy" (who's not really that nice at all) to explain away his inability to take the initiative, and in some cases his inability to take a hint when the girl actually liked him.
Some times she legit want to be friend only, but if she's single and you KNOW what you're doing, there's a fair chance you got a shot. Just got to play your cards right (and those people have no idea how to play). In short, you don't win a girl by being mr super nice pushover white knight.

Yeah, i know some guys might ate me for this, but i'll leave judgement up to the girls.

[Hannah591]

@dartmaul15 I'm glad you see it too! Being too nice and a pushover makes her see him only as a friend and some not so nice girls will use and abuse him. That's when they become bitter. I've had so called "nice guys" insult and kick off at me just because I'm female and said no to something completely unrelated. They kick off saying "you women think you're better than us" blah blah blah.

[dartmaul15]

Yup. and the genuinely nice guy does not carry any intentions, he's simply doing it because of his kind nature. Also because of his lack of intentions he see you as NOTHING but a friend. So you're friendzoned by HIM XD And they're often not pushovers either. Kind yes, but they don't deal with bullshit, and help those who appreciate it.
The self proclaimed nice guys are 9/10 times NOT nice. It's just a fake shell they've created to get girls and LOOK nice. The more a guy need to say he's a nice guy, the less of a nice guy he is. Because a TRUE nice guy speaks with actions, not words.

That's why i consider myself a "god guy", not a "nice guy". I strive to be good, but i do have my own interrests and intentions, not to mention i got my limits.

[Hannah591]

@dartmaul15 Spot on.

[dartmaul15]

@Hannah591 That's why i encourage girls to go for the genuine "good guy", not the "nice guy". Sure, nice guys might sond good, but they put the girl on a pedestal and generally got NO idea what to do when they get the girl.
Plus, if you don't pay attention it's VERY easy to be tricked by a fake nice guy.

Good logic?

[Hannah591]

@dartmaul15 Perfect logic.

[dartmaul15]

@Hannah591 PERFECT.
i should make a take about this XD

[Hannah591]

@dartmaul15 That's a good idea. Some people have made takes about "nice guys" and they're not what I expected, nor are they descriptive enough. You should talk about the friend zone thing too.

[dartmaul15]

hm, okay i guess. But i'm so going to piss off A LOT of people XD

[Hannah591]

@dartmaul15 if you write it like you did with me, you shouldn't offend anyone. Be clear, concise and don't generalise and you'll be fine! I look forward to reading it!

[dartmaul15]

@Hannah591 i don't generalize too much when doing it, no. I want people to not be in doubht about who i mean XD
But unsure how long it'll take. Hopefully before new year's though.

[Hannah591]

It can take me like half an hour to write a take so it shouldn't take you too long!

[RandomStudent]

If you remain friends with that person, it is much harder to get over them and just move on.

[CCC89]

If he's just a friend to her, she's using him. There is no "friend zone"

[Bluemax]

I've known plenty of people who were friendzoned and they did indeed make the first move.

I'm responding to your response to prof_don's opinion:
"How do you think that makes the girl feel?"
I've never been in the friendzone myself, but yes I have stopped to think how that makes the girl feel, chiefly because I discovered that a woman, who was my friend, confessed her feelings to me. I understand that it sucks to lose a friend (it did for me). Now, I have a question for you. How do YOU think it makes the rejected person feel to continue to remain friends with someone they ache for? Have you stopped to think that to continue to expect this person, who feels heartache in your very presence, to continue being your friend is selfish? That such a friendship is very lopsided and will prolong the recovery of a broken heart?

[Hannah591]

I have a friend who's fancied me for years and he now isn't afraid to tell me or flirt with me, yet he still likes to talk to me and hang out. I don't ask anything from him and will go out when he requests so I think it's possible to move on from those feelings and continue friendship but often I do think about how he feels because sometimes I can tell he still really likes me. :\

[Hajar_Whitestone]

I can't be sure if I ever friend zoned someone but I did get friend zoned at last for once, I don't mind it, I love friends more then boyfriends. some times can make you developed feelings but I think one of the 2 part need to make a move if they are sure they can be more then friends, I don't believe in " CUT CONTACT " even thought if I'll get reject I would like to stay friends, it's not a bad thing in my opinion, Like they Say FRIENDS BEFORE BOYFRIENDS :P

[RandomStudent]

I know this is old lol, but I'd like to say this take was catered towards guys in the friendzone, because a man would never utter the words you just did lol. I do believe this is one issue where men and women are very different, most guys would never want to be just friends with a female that they're romantically interested in.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

Maybe you are right, I don't know a lot about guys, but what I know if a guy got romantic feelings towards his BFF he should make the first move, who knows she may feel the same

[RandomStudent]

Like I said in the question, if the BFF doesn't have an SO then definitely go for it and make a move. Otherwise bail.

[L_gant]

Friendzone is an excuse losers make up for why they can't get girls if there's a girl you like go for her but at the same time I can kind of say I've friendzoned some pretty good looking girls just because I think they're a good friend and I want to keep them as a friend and things would get awkward if it was more so for guys if you got friendzoned that's on you for girls you've gotta stop being such good friends lol.

[idonnntcare]

THANK YOU

[idonnntcare]

wait i take it back

[L_gant]

I'm sorry I just like them so much that I don't wanna ruin it so I friendzone them lol :)

[Bluemax]

Generally true. I might take issue with the statement, "lose contact with them, no matter what," particularly the "no matter what" part. The person might turn out to be an invaluable friend.

However, I suppose if the pain of rejection is that great, then perhaps in certain circumstances ending contact indefinitely might be the way to go.

[ArchDruidMordred]

It's nobody's FAULT if you're in the friendzone. You simply weren't what she was looking for. I hate how society puts blame on a guy if he can't get a girl to like him. I look at it like this, is she doesn't want to get to know me than that's her loss, not mine.

[RandomStudent]

Guys that like a girl and stick around just to orbit around the girl and make her feel good about herself. It is their fault that they're in the friendzone.

[muspelhem2]

God I hate that word. It's such a retarded word. Why do people have to make up stupid pickup lingo. It's not a fucking 'game'. StarCraft is a game. Jeez.

[Ulyss]

Very true just go find another chick instead of just dwelling because this chick isn't interested

[genericname85]

short but on the point. if you honestly love her, you can´t live with the thought of her sucking some other guys dick so better cut her off.

[koibito]

I just decided that if I couldn't have her as a girlfriend, I'll just settle for soulmate/best friend instead. She is still someone important in my life, even if not in a romantic way. :/

[dpeguero]

Take a long break like 6 months and then return. Also date other women and ask them their opinion on your relationships. Also subcommunicate that they are not your type (like saying boy i love blondes so much when she's a brunette).

[Anonymous]

This is so on point it's unreal. Give this man a medal.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, like that I got a female down vote on this.

I am entirely not sorry to say, that you have every right to not accept our escalation to a relationship but we have every right to not stick around in a situation which we know will just lead to our own torment because there is unreciprocated interest from one party to another.

And in all honesty, when a girl gives you the "we're just friends/let's just be friends" line, what it really means is you're going to be used as emotional crutch/ego boosting/validation seeking method. It's a rarity that one of those 3 items doesn't occur.

I've seen it so many times it's unreal, even from my closest female friends to male friends. Ironically, as soon as said male friends get into a relationship, those same females start the smearing campaign, and desperate attempts to get their ego boosting supply back.

[meatballs21]

Why cut contact? Are you unable to move on and pursue other people romantically while keeping the first person as a friend?

[RandomStudent]

Yup, if I really like a girl and I talk to her on a daily basis, I am unable to move on.

[Tomsta]

Friendzone doesn't exist, if you're in the so called 'friendzone' then you just weren't showing her you were interested in her... flirting and confidence chaps works wonders

[RandomStudent]

Not every girl is gonna be into you, and some guys think if they become friends with the girl she'll want more. Wether you like it or not, some guys still do get stuck in the friendzone, unfortunately.

[Tomsta]

I'm not saying every girl will like you, but rather than crying about being in the friendzone (which i've done myself) if you show interest in them, then at least if they turn you down you know it's for a reason rather than just assuming it's the 'friendzone'

[RandomStudent]

I already do that and that's why I don't get stuck in the friendzone. What I disputed about your comment is that you said the friendzone doesn't exist, yet you contradicted yourself in your new statement. It happened to me once and I learned, now I'm making this guide to help people who were once in the same position as me.

[Tomsta]

How did i contradict myself, by saying that i've moaned about 'friendzone' that was before i saw the truth and realised that there was a reason i wasn't getting noticed, i have little backbone, i was the nice guy always doing what the girl wants rather than having an opinion on things and flirting, since i've changed my tone i've noticed i'm getting more attention from girls, i'm still and nice guy and a gentleman, just with a backbone, (not met the right girl yet so i'm still single)

[miserybusiness]

Hahahaha, this has got to be the most straightforward take I've ever read.

[sexymax]

i think that is not a good deal to do.
but if you need it then avoid them don't gave reply and don't lift their call

[Keyspirits]

OMG LOL! the bridge part! LOL!!! its juz so hilarious :I

[Agrojag]

A hard lesson but a valuable one.