The Friendzone: Everything You Want to Know and How to Get Out of it

[Jenny888]

Most girls “friend zone” first. In fact I do this almost immediately.

1. Safety and a good foundation.

Going on a date is too risky without trust. I am an average sized girl. Most guys, including high school boys, are bigger than me. I’ve had too many close calls on dates as well as other encounters (men grabbing, touching without consent, sexual harassment and demanding sex/dates) to the point that I no longer feel safe with random men on dates. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable alone with a guy without knowing him as a friend first.

2. We need friendship to build trust.

Being in a relationship means showing vulnerability. Again, I would not open up emotionally to a guy I don’t trust. Which leads to the next point...

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3. You build trust with friendship.

Notice the word boyfriend has “friend”. You need to build a good solid foundation as a friend first. If you can’t show /earn my trust as a friend, then why should I trust you with my emotions?

4. It’s not impossible to move beyond friendship.

Lots of relationships start after a friendship. I’ve personally had many crushes/relationships after a friendship.

So so how to get out of a friend zone? I’ve listed some ideas below. Girls, feel free to lost more.

1. Take care of yourself. Workout, eat right and good hygiene. Determine what looks good on you.

2. Do well in school. Get a good job. Be a responsible. Care for your community. Be a good person. Maintain shared interests.

3. Take care of your reputation. Don’t be a womanizer, and don’t play mind games.

4. Learn to cook.

Some helpfuls: get a dog- I just find it endearing when a guy has a dog. Just don’t get a scary looking dog with a bad attitude. Golden retriever (best), labs, husky or border collie mix are a good idea.

[Anonymous]

so all of this basically means you will all be put in the friend zone if you are not "chosen" as the top picks which is most like #1 to #5 by the girl among the list that consists of 20+ men that are also talking to her and flirting with her, then you will remain as friends or until she gets out of the relationship just for a very low chance for her to pick you out of all the other guys once again. that list on number 4? yeah, i'm pretty sure most guys do and can do all of those things on the list. but sorry to say, because in the end, i bet it all comes down to how you physically, if she don't you cute, hot, sexy, or whatever to her, or if you don't got money, yeah not happening... because we all know a girl will never pick anyone who is fat and ugly, even if he's doing everything listed on number 4. fat and ugly guy won't even be on the friend zone list, he'll be on the "not ever happening" zone. other than that, if a guy with a better looking face than yours hits on her, you booted down the list, you're staying on that friend zone list for the rest of your life. so, if you get friendzoned? just say peace out bitch, don't even stick around and let her lead you on with made up pretty words or use you to kill time until the hotty/cutie on her top picks list is available and she will stop talking to you to talk to him instead, it's a waste of time. just go for someone else.

[Jenny888]

Girls care about body over face tho

[McKellar]

So I become friends with a cute girl that I wish to build that whole "Foundation" with in hopes her & I become an item,.. we get to know each other, we become good friends, some other guy comes into the picture, she gets close to him very very very very very very VERY quickly, I get suspicious & possibly jealous, those 2 end up dating all because that guy is her type & I'm not her type at all, they break up, she cries to me about it like I'm "her brother/Councillor",.. I try to comfort her, she's okay for now then some totally new guy comes into the picture, she takes off with him, and I get left in the friendzone again all because I'm her best friend/brother/councillor & it would never work between her & I all because I'm not her type yet this other guy who she doesn't know all that well is? okay, do you see a pattern here?

Do you understand why I don't want to be in the friendzone?

Then I meet a different girl of my own interest, her & I become good friends & guess what? The same pattern gets repeated.

[Jenny888]

Did u ever try talking to her about ur feelings? I’ve told guys that I see them as a brother, but I may have pursued a relationship if they made a move at the right time.

[McKellar]

What is at the right time to make that move?

[Jenny888]

After friendship but when she is single and slightly vulnerable.

[Jenny888]

Like when she comes to you for comfort

[McKellar]

Just to obtain some clarity,... vulnerable in what way?

[Jenny888]

Well... like after a break up

[McKellar]

I'm sure that won't work. If I did expressed my feelings to that girl after she just broke up with that guy,.. she'll most likely want a break from relationships & just be single for a while. After time passes,.. she'll just say something along the lines of "I don't feel that way about you" or "We have a great thing between us & I don't want to ruin that between us" or "I don't look at you that way. I'm sorry but you're just not my type".

Or even if her & I did get into a relationship after she just broke up from that other guy,... I'm pretty sure the relationship between her & I won't last, hell if anything,... I'll just be a rebound to her & that's it & BAM!! ... she found someone else, she breaks it off from me, & I'm left in the dust.

[Jenny888]

Not true.

[McKellar]

It is true. I've experienced some of these situations. I know.

[Jenny888]

And I’ve been the girl that dates these guys before. I know too

[McKellar]

Congratulations,.. we have a continuous debate.

[dmgstarfleet]

The worst thing about friendzone is that these women often use the sap as an "emotional tampon" to complain about the asshole "Alpha Male" they are rewarding with the goods. Women RARELY let someone out of the friendzone. "Eventually she will realize my worth" doesn't really happen although some might marry a Beta to get a provider once her looks start to fade and her fertility begins plummeting

[BoldBrianna]

Love this! I ended up marrying one of my guy friends. What got him out of the friendzone? Being a feminist! He defended me when my brother slut shamed me so I decided to give him a chance.

[BoldBrianna]

@Jenny888 Thanks for liking my comment! Have you been slut shamed, too?

[Jenny888]

No but I like that he stood up for you.

[BoldBrianna]

My brother was slut shaming me for flashing my boobs to his friends. Do you agree that he was wrong?

[NineBreaker]

I generally agree with what you said, but I think it only scratches the surface of the whole "friendzone" debacle a lot of (usually) guys face.

When it comes to Point 1:
That is indeed a big problem. That's why I always recommend that people vet their dates. One of the best ways to do that is to date someone who knows someone you know, or someone who has a good reputation. Of course, that doesn't guarantee that he wouldn't be a creep, and even then, it's important to be careful.

When it comes to Point 2:
Yes. I agree completely. However, I think you are conflating the "friendzone" with friendship. The friendzone is defined by a situation where the one person has strong romantic feelings towards someone who exclusively sees them as a friend with no hope of that changing to a romantic relationship. The person being friendzoned however may decide to settle for being a friend and try to passively exert influence to change the situation; and it's often hopeless. So, friendship for the sake of getting to know someone who is a potential significant other isn't really the friendzone.

Point 3: Yes.

Point 4: Indeed, it is not impossible, but it's not always easy. However, following the advice you mentioned below that will definitely help.

Your advice near the end is EXACTLY ON POINT. The only thing I might change a little is "Learn how to cook" by expanding it to "Be more capable: Learn cooking, minor plumbing, sewing, a second language, CPR... etc."

[Sociopathvictim]

Your idea does not apply to every girl unfortunately ;)
Here's the alternate:
1. The guy rejects sex when she's willing. This is when a guy friendzones her because she hasn't followed all the rules that you gave to guys. She then saves face and friendzones him (BS) as it hurts being rejected and doesn't want the same situation to happen again (but she hasn't learnt why he rejected her).
2. The girl isn't being honest and has a boyfriend and that rubs off subconsciously on us guys, so in turn the guy behaves conservatively.
3. She has a boyfriend and she told him, this is not friendzone as such, but he won't escalate anything and she wants him to so she can break up with her boyfriend and mentally blame this new guy. But the new guy has morals.
3. The guy acts like he shouldn't touch you, be too close to you without consent i. e he's being nice (we all know this doesn't work because then she pulls the 'we dont have chemistry malarky). So really your sexual harassment rule is BS. If you like him you will accept his touches, but stop accusing guys you're not interested in of sexual harassment. You are not taken seriously especially if you invite him to a private space.
4. The really good guys dont want to move forward too fast, but the girl won't give them a chance, another guy (player) will step in and have sex with her and when he's left her, she'll try to go back to the good guy but its already too late, he's found someone else.

[dmgstarfleet]

If you've figured this out why are you still accepting friendzone. Adjust your game accordingly, quit being the "nice guy" - how much more proof do you need that is a losing strategy?

[Sociopathvictim]

@dmgstarfleet i am now far from the nice guy tho, dont know why your saying this to me. What did i do for you to say that?

[dmgstarfleet]

Sorry socio-I assumed you meant that this was happening to you now or recently. I see you figured it out. My mistake.

[Sociopathvictim]

@dmgstarfleet hmm no, because im not doing that anymore i recently got asked out a few times by a 'nice' girl. I now know what it feels like to have been around me, i didn't like what i saw so i called her out in many ways, firstly i got her to punch a boxing bag harder. Then i kept teasing her to the point where she returned the favour, i hate that she's always so nice.
But i think i upset her because i asked her out and she cold shouldered me ;D and i ignored her when she tried to approach me. If she wants my attention, its on my watch not hers.

[worldscolide]

Real simple way out of the friend zone.

1. Inform the person that wants to friend zone you, that you aren't interested in friends

2. Cut that person from your life, block her, and ignore her.

3. Profit, you're not in the friend zone.

Seriously i have done this my whole life. Nearly every single time they did this to me it resulted in them coming back begging me to reconsider because they made a mistake.. In all situations i tell them that i am not interested in mind games or wasting my time, and i walk away.

[Jack_L_andTurn]

Ditto.

[somewheresomeway]

Totally agree with this. The problem is that many women are VERY good at leading a guy and will never outright tell him he’s friendzoned. They will conveniently play dumb to cover their asses (despite knowing 99.99% of the time). They just can’t say no to the attention, validation and favors.

Guys need to learn at a early age how to spot this. Most are completely oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Yet another "friendzone" is just when I don't fancy you.

NO.

Friend zoning is much more cynical than that. Stop trying to normalise and co-opt the phrase by making it mean unrequited love or some shit.

Friend Zoning is where the guy puts himself in the position of friend, makes no efforts to date her and just sort of hopes that they will wind up dating if he acts friendly enough. It's also when the girl dangles the prospect of sex/relationship in front of the guy, just so he continues to be at her beck and call for all the things she might need or want a guy friend for. And if he ever starts to assert himself or find himself dating another women, she will actively flirt and sabotage his new relationship to bring him back under her exclusive control.

Friendzoning is toxic for a reason. It doesn't just mean "I don't like you in that way, let's be friends."

[Browneye57]

But that's not what the friendzone is - it's where you put a guy you know, that you like okay, but have zero sexual interest in.
What you're talking about is DATING. You can call it what ever you want, but meeting up with someone in an effort to get to know them is called DATING. Regardless of where it is or what you do, or how long, or how casual.

[LegateLanius]

Friendzone is what someone does to themselves when the person of their affection doesn't like them that way and they continue or accept friendship in an underhanded way hoping that it will convince them over time to accept them.

[abundantlyrich]

Guys don't understand nothing comes guaranteed in life esp trying to befriend a hot girl moving to friends with benefits zone.

[Anonymous]

Number 4 only happens maybe 1 out of 100 times. Women friendzone guys more often than vice versa not only for "safety" but sometimes more insidious purposes (exploitation).

[Jenny888]

Well I’ll do another mytake on “exploitation”

[Opinion Owner]

By all means do. I’ll have lots to comment on that one.

[dmgstarfleet]

Absolutely agree-women will not see it as "explotation" though. They will see all the things he does for her as proof of friendship because who wouldn't want to be friends with a "nice guy" who does all these things for you without you doing anything in return. Of course we know how often "nice guys" get the girl. If these things stop when she friend zones a guy she discovers she is not as anxious to be his friend if he is not doing things for her.

[Opinion Owner]

Last time I got brutally friendzoned I was 29. Since then I’ve gotten very careful and cynical what kind of mental gymnastics some women are capable of.

But I fucking HATE seeing these younger naive guys get mislead and screwed over. That’s why I get angry at these takes above. They attempt to come off as “feel good it’s alright you are a nice guy” but they give selfish women justification to screw over nice guys.

[Opinion Owner]

@jenny888 also want to comment that even the rare scenario the girl decides to date her guy friend it won’t last long. She will likely get bored with him and run off to some other guy who excites her more romantically from the start.

Game of thrones example. Daenerys was throwing Johr Mormont a few bones but when she met the super confident handsome Daario poor Mormont got hit with the friendzone nail in the coffin.

[HereIbe]

Get a really STUPID dog and be very patient with that STUPID dog in front of her. It's amazing how many points that scores.

[Anonymous]

Guys, Girls do NOT friend zone

Don't believe this bullshit

GUYS friendzone. Girls just make you think they do

[mishanw_1071]

Nice!! Thanks :)

[Anonymous]

Thank you! Nice one.

[Anonymous]

Woww cute