So I recently wrote a myTake on "How to approach girls". A lot of guys messaged me that they did not want to be friends with a girl because they do not want to fall into the 'friend zone", which inspired me to write an article about the "friend zone".
In this article, I will discuss various situations where a girl may friend zone a guy and how I think you should deal with it. The main purpose of this article is to advise men that sometimes it is not your fault that you are "friend zoned". I write this article in the hopes that it will alleviate a man's feeling of inadequacy due to being "friend zoned" and to help him assess his situation.
1. Lack of attraction
Attraction is just as important to girls. However, its not necessarily physical attraction. I've had incidences (admittedly few) where a guy wasn't my type physically but I fell in love with him due to his demeanor and heart. He also became more attractive to me. However, he also had a very muscular body which leads me to the fact that MANY girls place importance on body physique over face. Sure, having the chiseled face of Cristiano Ronaldo will significantly help. But as long as you have a good muscular physique, many girls will find you attractive. And I think most guys can build muscle with diet and exercise.
2. Girl that "friendzones" a guy due to noticeable incompatibilities
Some girls friendzone a guy due to certain incompatibilities, which can include religion, race and certain habits. For example, christianity and islam specifically states that dating should be with marriage in mind and forbids relationships outside of ones religion. Some cultures strongly oppose interracial dating. Some girls (or their families) strongly oppose sex before marriage and may disown the girl if she has sex before marriage.
How you should deal with it: First, find out what the incompatibility is. This can be through talking to her friends or by looking through her profile if you have her on your social media accounts. You can't change your race, but you may be able to change your religion or habits. Also ask yourself if you are willing to make the changes. Remember that if you do end up with the girl and perhaps marrying her, you need to commit to the changes for life (otherwise, it may be grounds for divorce in her eyes).
3. The Fish tank manager aka Master manipulator
The fish tank manager is what we Koreans use to describe a girl who manipulates and intentionally friendzones men to boost her ego and other benefits for her. The men are the "fish" and the friendzone is the "tank". This is the girl that keeps the men nearby in the friendzone (her "fish tank") and calls on them when she is either lonely/feeling flirty/bored and any other situation that requires a man. She will try to prevent the man from her "tank" by continuously giving him hope (the fish "food) such as flirting and messages.
How you should deal with it: You need to approach the situation very analytically. I've written a simple test below.
Step 1. First, you need to determine if you are in the fish tank. A signs of a "fish tank manager" are:
-Ask some questions. Does she always flirt with guys? Does she have more guy friends than girl friends? If so, she may be one.
-She never replies to your messages. She will give you excuses. But she will get mad if you do not respond to her messages.
-When you talk to other girls or about other girls, she will get mad.
-She will flirt with you for a bit and then leave you out cold.
Step 2. Test her: Stop liking all of her photos and cut off contact on social media. Start flirting with other girls and make it known or mention that you are considering seeing another girl. Speak to this girl about another constantly. Note that you should probably do this test for at least 2-4 weeks. Observe how she reacts. If she tries to lure you back in, she is most likely a master manipulator.
Step 3. If she tests positive on the 2 items above, CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HER. She is bad for you. She doesn't respect you as a person and merely sees you as a tool to boost her ego. This is a crazy girl whose insecurity has gotten so out of hand that it is hurting other people. Speak to your friends about it and ensure that they keep you accountable. Dealing with this girl is similar to dealing with addiction.
Even if she does choose you for a time being, she probably isn't doing it for the right reasons. She is probably doing it because you seem like the most successful (ie most money) at the time. But she doesn't have your back. She will leave you if you lose the money or if someone else with better income comes along.
4. The girl who wants to take things slow
This may be a girl who had been hurt many many times in her previous relations with men. This girl may feel that dating has failed her in some sense. She probably has been in many situations where men have just said/done things to get with her or physically assaulted her. For example, a guy may have indicated that he is a "christian" or that he really likes kids or that he want to get married to get her to go out with him. Or she may have been in situations where she was fearful that she would be raped or kidnapped. I've had men follow me home, groping me, chase me around a club and pin me down in a head and demanded kisses and physically assault me in elevators. There have been guys that sexually harass me and try to push me to doing things that I am not comfortable with.
In addition, dating in a girl's eyes can be scary to her especially with a guy that she doesn't well. Certain things can make a girl feel vulnerable. For example getting into a car with a guy who is driving can be threading for girls. A girl may be thinking, "What if he rapes me or kidnaps me?" Yes some of this is irrational and unfair to the gentlemen out there. But most girls are unwilling to risk their own safety and hearts just because its unfair to some guys.
How does this relate to the "friend zone"? Well this girl may be using the "friend zone" as a tool to do what traditional "dating/courtship" used to do. To test out the guy and to see if he is a man of his word. Why? Because as noted above, she feels that dating acquaintances/strangers is no longer safe for her and that she needs to vet the guy beforehand.
How you should deal with it: You need to approach this girl carefully. Talking about what a good man you are will not do you much good. You need to show her with your actions. In some cases, winning the respect of men that she respects (ie brother, father, pastor etc) around her may help you.
But set some time limits for yourself to determine when you will stop. This could be months to a year (up to you).